What do Women want?

[Archangel M]

And you have to care enough about what someone else wants to place it over your own desires.

 

[granfire]

And you have to care enough about what someone else wants to place it over your own desires.

wrong.
you have to care enough to make room for both.
Because if you put your own on hold you end up resenting it.

 

[Archangel M]

I didn't say you entirely suborn your needs. But by and large many people are too concerned about getting what THEY want.

 

[chrispillertkd]

And you have to care enough about what someone else wants to place it over your own desires.

This is quite right.

Marriage is about putting the other person first. There will certainly be times when sacrifices will be made by both spouses. That's the nature of marriage and it is, I must say, not necessarily a negative (nor does it mean never getting to do what you want). It is, rather, an opportunity to grow in virtue. This isn't about being a door mat, it's about serving your wife or husband.

There will be times when compromise is necessary, of course, but if both parties are putting the other person first then this becomes not a burden but rather an opportunity to demonstrate the love one has for one's spouse. And since virtue is a habitus as Aristotle pointed out the more one engages in this kind of thing the easier it gets (and the more one benefits from it themselves when they do so).

Pax,

Chris

 

[Archangel M]

Yeah. If BOTH people are concerned with making the other happy over their own desires that is far different from when it's only ONE.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

Here's my question about what women want - prefaced with the caveat that it's been nearly ten years since I've been in the game. Things may have changed, but I doubt it.

Women claim to want sensitivity, encouragement, belief and respect.

Women go home with that loudmouth jackass with the backwards baseball cap and a barbed wire tattoo around his bicep.

Honestly, speaking for men everywhere, what's up with that?

 

[granfire]

And we are back to guys discussing what women want....


^_^

 

[Archangel M]

How about responding to the question?

 

[bushidomartialarts]

And we are back to guys discussing what women want....

Or rather guys (a guy) asking women for a straight answer.

 

[Archangel M]

Well "some" women go home with....

But, I do know where you are going with the question.

Personally. I think that "some" women who go home with the "Alpha Male" types you are speaking of are responding to the reptilian brain/evolutionary imperative with perhaps some "nurture" influences based on the male role models they were exposed to in their youth.

 

[granfire]

How about responding to the question?

What women want....

2 women answered

And you are not listening.


I think that is the crux of the matter.

Like this:
Hubby: tell me what you want for Christmas, something the kid can buy.
me: Ok, here is the list

come christmas morning
Hubby: I didn't feel like going shopping
me: unwrapping the griddle his mother bought us...


aight...

Me: I am gonna kill you lazy bastards if you don't stop throwing trash behind the furniture

me: in a little while I will dive behind furniture in parts of the house I never go to....

and no, I am not alone.
When 'the dishwasher is broken' means your wife is sick, you have to reconsider your approach.

So, you have to ask yourself: Are you hearing what your wife/GF, hell, BF if you swing that way, is telling you?

When you tell your significant other that you posetively hate a specific thing and you turn around and see it happen again....one really has to wonder.

 

[Archangel M]

Uh..not my question. The question of the guy you were pointing to in the previous post.

 

[granfire]

Uh..not my question. The question of the guy you were pointing to in the previous post.

Oh, darling, but I was not responding to him, I was noting the situation. ^_^

 

[bushidomartialarts]

This whole thread points to a frustration lots of men seem to have with women.

Question was: what do women want?

Answers included:

1. Thinly disguised complaints about husbands.
   
2. An attempt to derail the conversation into a gay rights issue.
   
3. Some assorted condescending sniping.

Why not some simple, judgment-free requests? Not all women do this, and god knows men are frustrating in our own way.

But why can't women just ask for what they want? Why does it seem like you have to stew and get hacked off at us before you ask?

 

[Tez3]

Women want......

1. to be treated as an individual
2. to be treated as an adult
3. not to be patronised
4. not to be talked about as if we weren't here
5. men not to talk about women as if they were a different and lesser species
6. not to be owned as property
7. not to have marriages arranged for them
8. to be allowed to make their own decisions and mistakes
9. not to be judged on a different standard to men ie men are ambitious, women are pushy etc.
10. a partner they can trust, can be friends with as well as lovers and who they can share their lives with
11. the right to education
12. the right not to live in fear of violence or of being killed to maintain 'honour'
13. to be able to have the career of their choice
14. to be taken seriously


Archangel, the reason some women go off with the Alpha male type is because they get just as randy as men and sometimes they just want a shag without the tiresome talk they get from the other types.

 

[granfire]

This whole thread points to a frustration lots of men seem to have with women.

Question was: what do women want?

Answers included:

1. Thinly disguised complaints about husbands.
2. An attempt to derail the conversation into a gay rights issue.
3. Some assorted condescending sniping.

Why not some simple, judgment-free requests? Not all women do this, and god knows men are frustrating in our own way.

But why can't women just ask for what they want? Why does it seem like you have to stew and get hacked off at us before you ask?

1) it wasn't thinly disguised, it was very upfront. But I know I am not alone, but I use my own experience as example.

2) you are bringing it down to that 'issue' again

3) and here we go again. a woman speaks her mind, it's sniping....

and still, you are not listening.

I think that is what most women want from her mate: the ability to hear and actually listen.

Frankly, so many thing 'we' have to get mad about before we vocalize are what is commonly referred to as a 'no-brainer': don't be an **** to your fellow man, be she a she, don't be a slob or a lazy user.

And yeah, can the 'she must have her period' remarks when a woman gets mad....

Tez has a more global list. Mine is more domestic

 

[granfire]

A man who can pick after himself, do the dishes, not pee on the toilet seat and is basically a man, and not a boy...

Independance, the right to make her own choices, not to be owned (literally) and the freedom to be who she wants to be.
Only if a woman has that is anything else valuable.

Well he's wrong this time, if anything a woman wants to be loved by the PERSON she loves, doesn't have to be a man.

You ain't reading for comprehention.

Women are easy to please and wow. It's just, they are not listened to, most of the time.
You make it all mysterious, when most women want the simple things in life:
Not having to trail laundry from one end of the house to the other, people beside her who know how to pull the trash bag out, deposit said trash in the receptical for pick up and replace the liner...
You have no idea how sexy a guy doing dishes is!
Yes, there are wants and such, but those seem to be born out of desperation. many women these days have fulltime jobs, but they still do the majority of the housework.
There is no mystery in that!

It would be a revolutionary concept to just ask your significant other what he/she wants.

But even then, you still have to listen.

Oh, and THEN you have to make the effort to follow through....

What women want....

2 women answered

And you are not listening.


I think that is the crux of the matter.

Like this:
Hubby: tell me what you want for Christmas, something the kid can buy.
me: Ok, here is the list

come christmas morning
Hubby: I didn't feel like going shopping
me: unwrapping the griddle his mother bought us...


aight...

Me: I am gonna kill you lazy bastards if you don't stop throwing trash behind the furniture

me: in a little while I will dive behind furniture in parts of the house I never go to....

and no, I am not alone.
When 'the dishwasher is broken' means your wife is sick, you have to reconsider your approach.

So, you have to ask yourself: Are you hearing what your wife/GF, hell, BF if you swing that way, is telling you?

When you tell your significant other that you posetively hate a specific thing and you turn around and see it happen again....one really has to wonder.

Women want......

1. to be treated as an individual
2. to be treated as an adult
3. not to be patronised
4. not to be talked about as if we weren't here
5. men not to talk about women as if they were a different and lesser species
6. not to be owned as property
7. not to have marriages arranged for them
8. to be allowed to make their own decisions and mistakes
9. not to be judged on a different standard to men ie men are ambitious, women are pushy etc.
10. a partner they can trust, can be friends with as well as lovers and who they can share their lives with
11. the right to education
12. the right not to live in fear of violence or of being killed to maintain 'honour'
13. to be able to have the career of their choice
14. to be taken seriously


Archangel, the reason some women go off with the Alpha male type is because they get just as randy as men and sometimes they just want a shag without the tiresome talk they get from the other types.

1) it wasn't thinly disguised, it was very upfront. But I know I am not alone, but I use my own experience as example.

2) you are bringing it down to that 'issue' again

3) and here we go again. a woman speaks her mind, it's sniping....

and still, you are not listening.

I think that is what most women want from her mate: the ability to hear and actually listen.

Frankly, so many thing 'we' have to get mad about before we vocalize are what is commonly referred to as a 'no-brainer': don't be an **** to your fellow man, be she a she, don't be a slob or a lazy user.

And yeah, can the 'she must have her period' remarks when a woman gets mad....

Tez has a more global list. Mine is more domestic

Now, here are the straight answers you asked for.

From page one.

 

[CoryKS]

The problem with relationships and the divorce rate is rooted in the fact that the relationship is being given a backseat to what each individual WANTS for themselves other than a good relationship.

Somewhat disagree. I think that marriage at one time WAS a way to procure for oneself those things that one could not provide alone (and I'm talking about both sexes here). I think the reason the divorce rate is so high now is that we have come to a point where most people can procure these things without the help of another. That is why there is no more compromise - there's no need for it. Men and women just don't have much to offer each other anymore.

 

[granfire]

Somewhat disagree. I think that marriage at one time WAS a way to procure for oneself those things that one could not provide alone (and I'm talking about both sexes here). I think the reason the divorce rate is so high now is that we have come to a point where most people can procure these things without the help of another. That is why there is no more compromise - there's no need for it. Men and women just don't have much to offer each other anymore.

Marriage in it's origin is an institution to raise kids and provide for the old.
It is an economic unit. Love and romance have not a lot to do with it.

We are only about 2 generations removed from the times when marriage was the sole purpose of a woman, good, bad indifferent. Not too long ago what a woman wanted was of no concern, neither socially nor legally.

I think guys need to keep that in mind when they complain about their spouses that they were raised by women who still had to comply and only got some of their needs met by covert tactics, not by straight talk.

 

[Blade96]

I have no idea what women want. I am not your average woman anyway. I can only speak for myself - what I want.

Independance, the right to make her own choices, not to be owned (literally) and the freedom to be who she wants to be.
Only if a woman has that is anything else valuable.

This.

And you have to care enough about what someone else wants to place it over your own desires.

And this.

Is why I dumped my sorry ex's ***. He was thinking about what he wanted - not what I wanted. He wanted Instant Wife. someone to live with him and trust him pretty much immediately. He didnt wanna develop a normal relationship - they take time. As do trust. 'i dont like dates i want someone to move in with me' and for me it takes a long time for me to trust anybody. He also didnt really want me to go for my masters in history cause it wasnt in his area of knowledge and he wanted to be my supervisor and be around him more. His life revolved around me - he had hardly any friends. He also wanted me to go on a trip with him right away. after we'd been together just a couple months. Uh uh. Forget that. way too soon. and I told him. But he just got mad. (i found out later that this is what he is doing with his now gf - she moved in with him about a week after i dumped him and they went on vacation over christmas and they haveonly been together about 3 months! Sick people - I really do think they deserve each other.