Throwing it all away..

[KenpoTess]

I can understand alot of the reasonings.. and since we are now a private Invitation-Only club, we are a very tight-knit group. When we were a public school, it was very different, we had students come and go and really didn't put much emotion into those that chose to go. I think as school owners we are allowing our emotions to rule in this case.. as the student is a friend.

 

[loki09789]

Tess,

Warning: This is off topic as hell.

I was in McHenry, MD not too long ago on my honeymoon. It is right in that tri state area of Southern PA, Eastern WV and NW Maryland...how close were we to your WV location? Just curious. The drive south of the PA turnpike was beautiful and we drove by the WV University where they filmed "THe PRogram" (football movie).

 

[bignick]

if a school isn't working for you...don't stick around...if you're not enjoying your training you're probably not gonna get much out of it...but i'd explain to the instructor why i was leaving first

 

[kenpo tiger]

From what I've seen...right after testing for your first black belt is when a lot of people leave...for whatever reasons...

My advice to people that have been injured and can't train to still go and watch classes...there is a senior judo student at my dojo that has MS...and really can't train all that well anymore...but he's there every class and if he doesn't feel up to working out...just sits on the side of the mat in seiza. QUOTE]

BN,

Now THAT is someone who truly loves what he does. Sitting in seiza for any long period of time when you're 100% is quite difficult. To have MS and be able to do that - no, make oneself do that - is an accomplishment. A great example for others, in my opinion. KT

 

[KenpoTess]

Congrats on your marriage Paul

We are in Martinsburg,WV.. which is in the eastern panhandle, in Berkeley county.. we border PA,MD and Va, and are bout an hour from DC and Baltimore.. It's a gorgeous area and I hate to admit it.. but I really haven't been into WV other than this panhandle area~!

 

[KenpoTess]

I agree BigNick.. if it's not for you.. head elsewhere.. but the courteous way would be saying goodbye first.

KT.. I totally concur~! We've had injured students who come and watch.. we've had students with broken legs come in and do their handwork.. whenever I get injured.. I'm still at class~!

 

[kenpo tiger]

Tess,

I think we all do. I've sparred with one hand behind my back (literally) because of a sparring injury and couldn't stand to be on the sidelines. Didn't do too well - ya think! KT

 

[loki09789]

Congrats on your marriage Paul

We are in Martinsburg,WV.. which is in the eastern panhandle, in Berkeley county.. we border PA,MD and Va, and are bout an hour from DC and Baltimore.. It's a gorgeous area and I hate to admit it.. but I really haven't been into WV other than this panhandle area~!

I guess we weren't all that close then. It was a little resort area on Deep Creek Lake, if that helps any. Based on the map, we were about 2-3 hours from Baltimore/DC area.

Thanks for the well wishes. Honestly, I'd say I made out better in the deal than she did, but I'll stick around until she figures that out .

 

[hardheadjarhead]

I'm just wondering why someone would devote their time (years) to a Martial Art and then just walk away from it. Have you met people like this? Is it because they're no longer learning? Or is it Money/lack thereof? Time constraints? Do they ever go back or can they go back? Switch instructors til they are labeled 'jumpers'? Do the instructors take them back?

We've had students walk away, one had already tested for BB and passed.. and just out of the blue.. Left and never came back.. and he never got his promotion..

So if there's problems .. and the student doesn't communicate.. should they be 'dumped' or should they be given a 2nd chance?

Thoughts?
~Tess

As to returning students, I'd treat them as I would the "prodigal son" and bring them back with open arms. The exception would be if they went to a competing instructor.

Anymore when students give me their reasons for leaving, I just smile and nod. I've accepted that the arts aren't for everyone, and some people...even incredibly promising people with loads of talent and time in training...will move on with their lives and leave the martial arts. For the majority of us here that is such an alien notion we can't understand it. We need not understand it, but we need to accept it otherwise we'll tear our hair out in frustration.

Probably why I'm bald.

A great many students quit after black belt. They've gotten their ticket punched on their ego trip in life, and that's all they need. They've got a conversation topic for parties, bragging rights, and supposedly that "ooh, ooh" aura that so many think a martial artist has.

Still others have different priorities. School, kids, jobs all come first for them. It is hard to argue with these reasons, even though many of us have balanced our training with school, kids and jobs. It would be unreasonable for us to dictate another person his/her priorities or tell them what the depth of their martial passion should be. They may have loved and excelled at the arts...but they may love the other aspects of their lives far more.

When they're ready to come back, I'll usually take them back with a smile. I don't expect them to hang with it for very long. If they do, I'm pleasantly surprised.

If they're not there the next week, or the next year--someone else will be--and I will be. I suspect you will be there too, Tess. In the end that is the most important thing of all.


Regards,


Steve

 

[KenpoTess]

Paul.. well guess you weren't.. but glad you had a great time and I hear that area is beautiful~!

Steve.. so very true.. and I after all the years I've spent on this earth.. it just makes it all the harder letting go of friends..

 

[Sarah]

I think If Martial Arts is truly in your heart then you never really leave it, you may leave a school or take time off because of injury or other commitments but its still there and when the time is right you will feel the urge to get back into it.

Then of course there are people who just want a BB, that is their focus, and once they have it they lose motivation to go any further.

I don’t know of anyone (in the higher/BB ranks) that has totally left our Dojo, they might not train as much or are doing other things but they still pop in and keep in touch.

As for Lower ranks, as already said there could be many reason why they stop.

 

[dearnis.com]

I'm just wondering why someone would devote their time (years) to a Martial Art and then just walk away from it. Have you met people like this? Is it because they're no longer learning? Or is it Money/lack thereof? Time constraints? Do they ever go back or can they go back? Switch instructors til they are labeled 'jumpers'? Do the instructors take them back?

I've gone to semi-retired status gradually over the last 6 months or so, and while I miss parts of it, other parts I just dont. I go to very selected events, teach even more carefully selected students (2), and have written off everything else, at least for now. The big reason, I suppose, was not getting back anywhere near what I was giving, particularly in terms of teaching. Not an easy decision with nearly 20 years invested, but 90% of my training time was a chore rather than being fun.
Reasons? Politics, student apathy, student dishonesty, bull$&** at seminars and training sessions. Partly laziness on my part; I moved to a more remote area, so it is a time investment of 45 minutes to 2 hours plus travel time round trip to train depending on loctation.....but a year ago I was making the trips without complaint 4-5 times a week.
I still train, but mostly solo now. It is unlikely I would go back into a school environment; maybe the right club, but that is hard to say. No interest in teaching any more either; I dont know if that is good or bad.

And for a positive, though off-topic note, the Martinsburg/Shepherdstown WVa area is absolutely beautiful.

 

[bignick]

Now THAT is someone who truly loves what he does. Sitting in seiza for any long period of time when you're 100% is quite difficult. To have MS and be able to do that - no, make oneself do that - is an accomplishment. A great example for others, in my opinion. KT

sorry...a bit off topic here...

Yes...he's great to work with...my instructor tells us that in your journey on the Way...you'll meet people that seem like supermen...and women to be fair...they can seem to do anything with absolute ease...and their depth of knowlede and their technique is unparralleled...you know the kind i'm talking about...the ones that you always watch out the corner of your eye when your supposed to be busy with something else, because you want to see them work...but this guy is a real superman...it's people like him that personify the diligence, perseverance, patience and discipline that martial arts instill in us...all this embodied in a guy just sitting on the edge of the mat...

 

[Sarah]

sorry...a bit off topic here...

Yes...he's great to work with...my instructor tells us that in your journey on the Way...you'll meet people that seem like supermen...and women to be fair...they can seem to do anything with absolute ease...and their depth of knowlede and their technique is unparralleled...you know the kind i'm talking about...the ones that you always watch out the corner of your eye when your supposed to be busy with something else, because you want to see them work...but this guy is a real superman...it's people like him that personify the diligence, perseverance, patience and discipline that martial arts instill in us...all this embodied in a guy just sitting on the edge of the mat...

Well Said

 

[TigerWoman]

I always wondered where all the black belts went in our school. I know actually where the ones that I trained with went. Some tried to teach and failed from their own expectations and temperament that got in the way. Some just from a move in job coupled with being 40 something. Some from just not going enough and the workout seems to get harder when its really you getting out of shape from not enough. But all that can be overcome by experience in teaching, by finding a new school in a new town, and by coming more often to class and not expecting so much of yourself until you get back in shape. But as others have pointed out the reasons are many.

I remembered a post in which leadership qualities were written about by John C. Maxwell: "There are many prerequisites required in order to develop the respect and consequently the loyalty of the student. The following are the most important.

First and foremost, the student must feel that the teacher is genuinely concerned with their welfare and safety. This means that the teacher protects the student from harming themselves as well as allowing others to harm them.

Second, the student must feel that the teacher respects them as a person as well as a student.

Third, the student must feel that the teacher has something to offer them and that they are learning something well worth while.

Fourth, the student must feel that they themselves are making progress and equally so that the teacher feels that they are making progress. Everyone wants to progress and therefore it is essential that this component be present."

If the reason the student is leaving, isn't about money, moving or sickness and maybe a few others that a teacher couldn't prevent, then these reasons come into play. I know all of them have for me recently (plus a few others) and I nearly quit. And it got down to communication to save it. But if you can't reach the student on the phone, write him. Then, you have to leave it in his court. TW

 

[kenpo tiger]

BN,

I don't think your response is off-topic at all. The ten principles of taekwondo embodied in one person is rare to find. Perhaps those who discover the inner strength someone like your classmate has are those who continue. Personally, everyone I trained with in tkd who tested in the first group for bb is no longer in the art - or any martial art. Reason? The instructor and climate at the school. [Reason I left, too, but I had only attained high brown and didn't care to "get" one of his bbs. I wanted to EARN one.] KT

 

[Goldendragon7]

We've had students walk away, one had already tested for BB and passed.. and just out of the blue.. Left and never came back.. and he never got his promotion..
~Tess

What's BB stand for?

:idunno:

 

[satans.barber]

As other people have said, a lot of people seem to leave as soon as they get to black belt. Of the 5 of us at our club (including me) who were promoted to black last September, 2 left soon after. They used to come every week, then it was once a fortnight, then once a month etc. until now they've just stopped. I think a lot of people do just see it as a goal that you hit and that's that, but that's a poor attitude in my opinion - there's always more to learn. I'm sure some of our seniors such as Mr Conatser and Mr Chap/el would attest that they've learn an awful lot in the years since making black belt!

I wouldn't mind people disappearing so much if they would come and give a reason, but nobody ever does. Out school has lost approximately 4/5 of its senior students in the last 2 years, partly for reasons I'm aware of, partly for reasons I aren't aware of. It'd make my life easier if people told me why they were going instead of just buggering off and never coming back as then I could maybe fix the problems!

Ian.

 

[The Kai]

How's this for a kick. I just promoted my first 3 black belts, 2 have faded away in 2 months time, The one who is sticking around probably has most reason to fade (Pregeant, with 1st child). What can youi do

 

[Sarah]

What's BB stand for?

:idunno:

Black Belt