Throwing it all away..

[KenpoTess]

I'm just wondering why someone would devote their time (years) to a Martial Art and then just walk away from it. Have you met people like this? Is it because they're no longer learning? Or is it Money/lack thereof? Time constraints? Do they ever go back or can they go back? Switch instructors til they are labeled 'jumpers'? Do the instructors take them back?

We've had students walk away, one had already tested for BB and passed.. and just out of the blue.. Left and never came back.. and he never got his promotion..

So if there's problems .. and the student doesn't communicate.. should they be 'dumped' or should they be given a 2nd chance?

Thoughts?
~Tess

 

[Ping898]

Most of the students who I have encountered have left for 1 of only about 5 or 6 reasons, they no longer have the money, they got a serious illness or someone in their family does, they got seriously hurt, they no longer have the time or they moved.

With kids you can see them loose interest, but have to admit I haven't seen that happen with an adult. Personally I think as adults we realize how much money you are sinking into training so don't start or stop it on a whim.

But I think you got to take them back. If they want to learn, I don't think they should be denied the opportunity. I know personally trying to get any info out of my that is more than what I ate for dinner, is like trying to pull teeth. I don't share except with a select few and don't want to. So I don't expect anyone to share with me things like why they stopped coming if they don't want to volunteer that information.

Sometimes people are also lookng for something and they just don't know what, which is why they may switch instructors a lot and not see anything wrong with doing so. Never encountered it myself, but know it exists.

Just my thoughts on it....

 

[jfarnsworth]

I'm just wondering why someone would devote their time (years) to a Martial Art and then just walk away from it.

I could never do that.

 

[Martial Tucker]

I've seen several people come thru our school in the past 8 years that I've been there, and as soon as they pass their BB test, they're gone. It seems to me that
some of them just figured they've learned all they need, some just wanted to be able to tell their friends they were a BB, and others just considered getting a BB in a MA to be one more thing to "check off" on their list of things to do in their lives.
Some of them you could kind of predict in advance would quit, a few others were a surprise. At our school, when you pass your BB test, you are a "probationary" BB for a year. You do not receive a Dan Certificate, and your belt is plain black with no embroidered name. If, after a year your attendance has been good and you have conducted yourself in a manner appropriate for a BB, then you are awarded a "full" BB with certificate and belt embroidered with your name, rank, etc.

As for returning, it totally depends on the reasons for leaving and is between the student and the master.

 

[OUMoose]

I can kind of answer this question from a personal standpoint. At my old school, I was driving an hour and a half (1-way) to train. Once night, coming home after a particularly strenuous workout, I totaled my car on the highway. Granted, it was raining heavily, and I didn't get any bad marks from the LEO's for it, but that left me sans vehicle. When I finally got a car, and got some money built back up so I could start training again, my hip was injured pretty bad trying to help someone out (a whole other story). So, in the year+ that it took to heal that up, I had found another teacher closer to home, who I could try to keep my skills up with.

Now I'm on my own again, since my teacher moved to florida, and I've been kicking around going to my old school. It's cost prohibitive though, due to gas prices and me driving a big V8. Plus, I kind of feel like I let my old teacher down, since it's been probably 2 years since i've set foot in his school now. In a sense, I walked away from the school due to money and health difficulties, but I didn't walk away from the art.

Hope that helps a little by shedding a little light on at least one situation.

 

[KenpoTess]

What makes me curious is the ones that don't communicate anything to the instructor.. We've had a few that left due to graduation and of course they would be welcomed back.. and others that have gone elsewhere due to other constraints, might be welcomed back. But the ones that are afraid to talk to us.. *why I have no idea*.. and just quit coming to class..after a few years, if they are bored.. or feel they're not getting anything out of it.. *shrugs*, the lack of communication is what irks the most.

 

[shesulsa]

Tess, Ma'am:

It could be that some feel overwhelmed by all the responsibilities in life or that they have a lack of self-confidence viewing the upcoming material they must learn and moves they must perform. Perhaps some have conflicts they don't speak about and just drop it.

Could be they get a minor injury and decide they don't want to travel down that path anymore, or they witness someone else in class get a more serious injury and it scares them away.

 

[KenpoTess]

Very good responses.. though I'm more inclined to think it's laziness and fear that's holding this particular person back..We had one student who was gone all summer.. and he came back last week.. dues in hand, and an apology on his tongue.. he was welcomed back with open arms and a stern talking to.. but he knew it was done in a caring spirit.
Alot of the younger kids whom have left, I blame the parents. They don't want to drive, or some other excuse. We have one 14 yo who is still in the kids class because he's just not maturely ready for the adults, His mom is sending him to a college prep school this fall (9th grade) and was gonna yank him from Kenpo as he will have 3 hours of homework nightly.. He had a FIT~! So we rallied and he's going to be still able to come at least 1 class a week. *twitches at 3 hours of homework for a HS freshman~!

 

[Mark L]

....the lack of communication is what irks the most.

Call them, ask where they've been, is there a problem, how come we haven't seen you. Communication is a two way street, some of us are good at it, others aren't. As instructors it is our responsibility to see that our students are properly trained, to the best of our abilities. Sometimes that means bestowing a gentle nudge, or a more forceful reminder. If your efforts are met with resistance, well, all you can do is try.

I hadn't been to class for several months last fall due to work pressures adn other responsibilites, and I hadn't communicated directly with my teacher. He called me to find out where I was, if something was wrong, etc. It reminded me of how important training is to me.

I'm currently helping three of the young bucks at the school get ready for BB, I'm chasing them all over to get them to do what they need to do to get ready. It's a pain in the neck, but I feel a responsibility ...

 

[Lisa]

We have one guy in our school that took a month off due to finishing some school work. Then this month he didn't want to come back because he didn't have the money to pay for instruction. When I informed the instructor about this he quickly sent him an email telling him to get his butt into class and that they would square things up later. He also threatened to let loose two of the young female students (10 year old girls are scarry!) on him and hold him down while they gave him a facial!

Needless to say... he was in class last night!

 

[KenpoTess]

He doesn't respond to communication.. so we've tossed up our hands ..

 

[Lisa]

He doesn't respond to communication.. so we've tossed up our hands ..

Tess,

Unfortunately then there probably is nothing you can do. If he doesn't want to share his concerns or reasons with you then maybe it is time to put that to rest. Sometimes people are very private about their reasons. I think it is a sign of a good instructor to follow up with students that go missing. Sometimes they will hear criticism and that can help them become better instructors and help their school grow.

 

[KenpoTess]

yep Nalia.. methinks you're right.. and it's too bad because he once was a very good friend

 

[psi_radar]

He doesn't respond to communication.. so we've tossed up our hands ..

This could be just about anything. I haven't been back to my school all summer. At first I thought I was going to do Systema, but that didn't work out, partially because life just got so darn busy. We moved, my wife was taking night classes for her teaching certificate, my son needed some extra attention, we were low on funds, etc.

I dropped by my old kenpo school last week. I got a really nice, warm reception, which made my decision to go back once things calm down that much easier. I didn't even need to provide an excuse, just said I was busy and you know how life goes...and that was that. My teacher's reaction showed me yet again what a decent and big-hearted person he is.

Your student might have the same sort of things coming up in his life. Or maybe he went to study another art or from another instructor and is embarassed to tell you. Like another mentioned, maybe MA is not a life-long thing for him and he's checked that particular box and just wants to move on. Regardless, however you react if he ever comes back is a fine measure of who you are. If you grouse and moan, he probably won't be too psyched about coming back. If you're understanding and warm, not only is that a fine reflection of your maturity, but will most likely instill in him a positive feeling toward training again.

 

[Nightingale]

stress and burnout.

I've walked away from kenpo twice in my life. Each time, I knew I'd go back, but I also knew I needed a break, because I wasn't enjoying it. When I was home, I didn't want to go to class, and when I was at class, I was watching the clock to see when I could go home. It wasn't the instructors or the art, it was just that I'd been doing it for five days a week for however long, and sometimes, there's more to life than just kenpo.

The last time I left, I started skydiving shortly before, and wanted more time and money to devote to my new sport. When I was in kenpo class, I was wishing I was on a plane ride to altitude. Now, I'm at the point where I have all the equipment I need and have completed my training, so the huge cost burden isn't there anymore, and I have money to train again. Plus, as much as I love skydiving, the novelty's worn off a bit, and I'm content with just jumping on the weekends, as opposed to weekday evenings as well, freeing up the weekday evenings for kenpo.

 

[Ceicei]

The two BB I knew left their styles because of serious injuries. One broke his neck and the other blew out her knee. Both required extensive off time and rehabilitation to recover. When they recovered (they still have residual pain though), neither of them returned to martial arts because they fear the possibility of re-injury.

However, both of them have admitted privately they missed being able to work out--they enjoyed their training. But because of their absence, they knew they will have to work hard again to regain their skills. I guess they feel they let their school down by getting hurt in the first place.

- Ceicei

 

[oldnewbie]

*twitches at 3 hours of homework for a HS freshman~!

My son is in middle school (6th grade) and has 3 hrs of homework!!!
Yikes!

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I'm gonna hit this from the students side a bit as I've left a few schools myself.

First school I left because it 'hurt' to be there. Physically. Taking a medicine ball full impact in the chest for 20 minutes on my first day did nothing to motivate me to return. Neither did the 20 minutes on the torture rack either.

Second school I left because of a number of things.
I wasn't getting what I thought I should be getting out of the classes. (Partially my fault as I was cronically tired then).
I also felt their warmups weren't safe as firing full force snap kicks into the air did a number on my knees and hips.

Another school I left as I didn't feel the instructor paid enough attention to each students individual needs and that I didn't have the instructors confidence. (IE I was taught because I was a friend, not because he believed in me).

I've trained at an easy half dozen schools. Some just weren't 'my path'. Some were excellent schools with great folks, but just not 'for me'. Others, well....they weren't so good.

I've left due to money, illness, being too busy professionally, no motivation, etc.
It really varies.

For me, I know what I want. The question is, do I settle for less to do 'something', or do I wait until I find it and then run with it?

I've been out now 9 months due to my back and neck. It's very frustrating. I want to get back on the matts, but I like a more intense workout than just playing 'patty cake'. I can't risk taking certain damage. That whole I like to walk and turn my head thing. I hang out at the camps, I want to bang and roll, but, everytime I think it's safe, something has hapened (like the last week losing feeling in both arms due to neck and shoulder damage) to make me wait a little more.

I think when instructors loose students, when they can't keep students they need to take the blinders off and really look at how they run things. They need to stop the 'well they just werent dedicated' crap. I know several dedicated students who walked away from years of training and either quit or went elsewhere because their needs weren't being met.

In the end, it's a business.
If you don't meet your customers needs, you -will- lose them.
That doesn't require going broke, babying, mcdojoing or coddling either.
It just requires good customer service and a true dedication to really training your students.

peace y'all.

 

[bignick]

From what I've seen...right after testing for your first black belt is when a lot of people leave...for whatever reasons...

My advice to people that have been injured and can't train to still go and watch classes...there is a senior judo student at my dojo that has MS...and really can't train all that well anymore...but he's there every class and if he doesn't feel up to working out...just sits on the side of the mat in seiza. Martial arts, if you train seriously, become a huge part of your life...on more than one occasion i've found myself not really wanting to train...i was tired, had a big programming project due, a cute girl wanted to come over and hang out(alright...maybe this didn't happen all that often), but the point is that before i knew what i was doing i was already at the gym. It just becomes such a habit and routine that when you don't do it you miss it...what i'll see is that people will take some time off due to health or injury reasons...or maybe work or school...and so they're not coming to class, and then they heal...or finish whatever they needed to get done...but somehow other things have crept into that time that used to be for training...and it's hard to get back to the gym...

 

[clfsean]

I've walked away from a couple of schools in the past. Each time I had reasons specific to that style or school, each time there was a talk with the chief instructor & each time I left with an invitation to come back if I ever felt the desire to.

There's also been one or two where I just didn't show up anymore & had no intention of calling them. Either the people, the training, the instructor or a combination of any of the 3 did me in. If a positive resolution wasn't reached, then obviously it was some where I didn't belong & moved on.

People leave for as many reasons as there are raindrops. Just go with the notion what they were doing didn't feel right to them or they had lost heart/faith in the training & it was time to go.