Thank you for mentioning this. I have read this entire thread, and can't believe how people are acting towards him. Yes, he was being stupid, he already admitted that. Yes, he's a bit arrogant, but hes 22 and has practiced martial arts for over a decade, I'm sure any of you who did that were also arrogant, and its not necessarily a bad thing. Help him out, chastise him a bit but don't ridicule him! And don't pick apart what he wrote just because it isn't the most coherent thing ever. It's pretty easy to get what he's trying to say, so just leave it be. By doing things like this, you're basically cyber bullying him and giving a bad name to martial artists everywhere! Ordinarily, i don't post on here, but the way you guys are acting towards him is just so unbelievable i had to. I still can't believe you would act this way towards a martial artist who is still maturing. Remember what you were like then and just cut the **** already
Today I spoke with my teacher, Master Khan, and asked him honestly if there was anything I could do to improve my humility. He was surprised by the question and told me that the entire reason he had accepted me as a student, despite coming from another school, was because of how I asked. That I did not come before him, with my 3rd dan, as a 3rd dan. I came as any other student when first starting, and even gave up a martial art I had practiced my entire life so I could better learn, and retain chung do kwan. And once I did, I returned to my former style, and found its kicks vastly complementative toward chung do kwan and the other arts I have practiced. I have found, on here, in life, sometimes we act in ways, or phrase things in such a fashion without realizing it, and I am certain I am guilty of this. Martial artists are a passionate people by their innate nature, and as such, one can easily get burned by fire. They are both analytical, and critical, which can be a stinging combination when combined in regards to teaching. It is easier to bruise someone's feelings I have found in the art, and repair them by ritually humbling oneself by bowing or apologizing, or stating one's own inadequacies, than it is in actuality to bruise someone.
This sensitivity protects the arts from blurring together into one big mesh, as could easily occur down the road. While I encourage mixing of martial arts, I only do so if the person can still differentiate between the two arts, where they are coming from, and that they actually know and understand the art enough to use it, either in sparring or self-defense.
I do not mind their negative criticisms as much as I did. When joining the boards the colors and symbols assigned to accounts were very misleading as they often denoted rank where it is not appropriate. I heard my 6th dan teacher give one of his long exhales when I mentioned there are people sporting the title-grandmaster as an identifiable part of who they are on the board. He had a good response for me, and it in many ways clears up why the response to me, here, has been so different from the actual experiences I have had as a martial artist, in person.
A person who is truly confidant, but has no provable way to back up their claims, will always come off as arrogant. Because I have no way to back these claims up, and because I am not perfect, or Bruce Lee, or famous, or a mod, people can easily pick at what I am doing wrong, without even having to know themselves what is proper in regards to the techniques being criticized. While many on this board would like to think what they have told me in how to improve is constructive criticism, it is solely just the latter. Explaining the mechanics of a technique is not teaching me how to rectify my error, which while assumed, could be very real. Chris Parker offered a decent explanation for how to improve a kick I have... which was identical to how my first teacher explained it, who I eventually left for being a poor teacher. That has nothing to do with Chris, save that he assumed his instructing of the method to kick would rectify my error. You can get that from a book, a brochure even, and especially google. That is not a teacher. Chris did not ask if I had a prior injury, nor did he even inquire what style of push-kick I was attempting to do. Was it TKD's, or Karate? If either, which style is it then? This is incredibly relevant toward learning an art. The fact such information was never sought shows less Chris' intent to help me actually improve, and moreso to prove his own ability, or at least tear mine down publicly. Hence why I often ignore his posts, though try to respond. The are couched in words which say they are trying to help me, while the words themselves tailored to tear as much up as possible. The problem is, when people who are much more experienced than them have offered actually constructive insight to how I might improve, in a way I can, I have no reason to pay the negative comments from people like Chris any mind. If I do, it only validates them, and even worse, as you have pointed out my name IS on the line. This is my profession, and this forum has heart me financially. Because of it in large part I no longer work for Kaizen, though the split was a mutual decision. Driving half a state away for a school I respected less than the one I left Khan's for never jived right with me, I just really enjoyed teaching, and as a student it afforded me that opportunity.
But martial arts is not my career- and anyone who makes it theirs is sick in my mind to take something which is pure, untainted until we put our own spins and biases on it, as a means to profit. I have never charged more than $30 for any lesson of mine, and no matter what private I have held, or class, I always let people who wanted to try it out, to join in. I charged money, not because I wanted to buy a new belt (though I would like to) but because I need to eat, and I hardly do as is on the pay of someone who is 22 and currently non-employed as a full-time student. You don't eat, you can't train, the way I see it.
I have noticed a few things from this forum, and it has occurred to me since day 1 that considering I chose this board for it being among the largest, it is also among the most seen. This does not mean it is the most influential however, to people who truly live and breath the art. But to people who are not martial artists, people who might agree with me, or even with aspects of what I have said, the behavior of those toward the differing view does not advocate any kind of 'correctness' in martial arts- it just shows one group accusing one person of arrogance, without realizing that their accusation in the first place is far more arrogant than anything the other has actually said. It takes real bravery to stand up to multiple confident people online, when it seems like so many have reached a consensus already. As you have done, as Jenna have done. You are the kind of martial artists, like Oaktree, I was hoping to find here. People like you, and me, are the type who value martial arts as above being just a system of fighting, it is a very way of thought and living.
Most of the people who have spoken with me on the boards, while civil, have not been kind. I do not think how I say things actually comes off well here, only that I sincerely believe them, which either means they do not understand what I am trying to say, . When I am better able to say it, I will be ready to, I suppose. I am 22, they do not have to listen to me, no one does. When I am older, and if people seek out my opinion, I will always be happy to give it. They do not recognize that by constantly agressively criticising me, and by not responding, it is no longer me who is getting attacked, it is themselves at that point as they reveal themselves for who they actually are.
What is mistaken for arrogance is very badly expressed confidance. Trust me, I do not think myself great. But I do know who I am, and what I can do, and what my teacher's standards still are. When I have been brutalized in the name of not only my master, but my very belt, it becomes more than a belt, but your identity, and the belt itself loses its significance, because at Khans you hadn't been given a belt, as many martial artists are today, especially in the states. You had received an initiation for life, and the people from our school are bowed to because we are known in this area as being notable fighters. But we also bow to each other, because we understand that the teacher we shared under Chung Do Kwan, in burke, had more depth than most artists will experience. It was what drew me to the school over and over, and believe me, I checked out well over 20 schools before making the change. And once I had, I commited and never backed down. From 4:00 PM I would show up, before the school opened, and help Master Khan clean it. Sometimes there were others to speak with him, or do the same. We were never asked, it was voluntary, and I don't think I've ever been as greatful to scrub a toilet. Not because I have some kind of veneration for him- I have seen crap, and I have seen gold, and he was platinum in a field of dog turds, and still is.
You do not, and will not see me stating I am better than anyone on here, merely my own responses to their replies on how they might do a certain thing against what I had done from an earlier post. For me to do so is an abhorrant behavior on my part, because I frankly don't want to come off unbecoming on behalf of my own teachers. I think many forget that what they read reflects not only on them, their style, and martial arts as a whole, but their teachers. I have written a lot I haven't, my hand stayed by asking if what I had written, You do not see me questioning the background of anyone's teacher, nor their employ, or their style. I did not think to do of such a thing, firstly because I had been taught that such audacity might actually end up with them proving it on you, and further, that there are more styles we haven't heard of, than currently exist in the entire world. The fact that other artists here cannot see the humility in me not trying to test their mettle, because of own fallibilities and disinterest in conflict, tells me moreso that the people who are responding in such fashion do so for their own selfish reasons. Keep in mind it is rarely my words themselves which offer offense, but more likely what I am perceived as saying... which isn't the same thing.
I am hopeful that what I do, not what I say will set an example at this point for other people. Let them destroy you, or try to, even when they don't mean to or realize they are, for it is only when you embrace your flaws can you then let them go, and improve. It is only when you confront their intention will you find yours eventually able to withstand.
As near as I can tell
Alex, to be fair, you were not fighting. You were sparring or playing around. There is a difference. To start, fighting is serious business and you don't go into it with ego leading the way.
Anytime intoxicants are involved, there is a wild card. That wild card instantly takes the severity from anything intended to be playful, and ups it by several magnitudes. For someone who is cognizant, and practiced, trust me when I say I went into the situation prepared to go to the hospital, and did everything in my ability to make that happen. When he began to up the ante, I did not respond. I went downstairs and smoked some hookah, watched Avatar, and wrote the post.
I mean, if it was just sparring, or play, do you really think this conversation would go on so long, and people below my rank would call me an idiot? It's helpful that I called myself one too, and I was aware of the fact. But when you act stupidly, deliberately, there might... just... be that alterior motive. Who are you to assume what was mine? Maybe I just really wanted to fight a drunk. Or maybe the conversation here sparked self-doubt in my ability. Who knows, who cares. A drunk hit me after 3 rounds, I never hit him once. Nor did I ever throw a strike, to be honest. I let him have his fun, and when he began to at my expense, I moved on. A small cut and minor swelling on the lip is far less than I've received before, and far less than I am owed my own fair share and due.
I have to say that there are some people here who have asked a lot of questions of Zenjael, tried discussing theory with him, we've asked questions, received interesting and conflicting answers and stories ... there are certain things that are evident.
I concur. The stories which conflict are because, in part I am both active, but also because for a historian I am remarkably bad at keeping track of the dates I do my own things. By my own accord I threw away the box containing my 3rd dan from WTF TKD, and while most might see it stupid- I do not need a piece of paper to prove who I am, and what others have honored years before. By my own accord I started between 2-4, if you want to be really technical. I prefer to say 4, since that's when they cut the lil-dragon kind of crap you see today which is like pre-skool for martial arts. More shill, more bull, and ultimately, just a day-care with people advertising themselves as some kind of uber-warrior.
And... there's a lot I've forgotten, too. The bulk of most people's training occurs during the period of their life between 10-30, and it is these 20 formative years which oft prove the most influential, just as our earliest years and starting point, affected everything else which came after. My first 20 years of training occurred between 4-22, well before the range of what most people remember. This does not mean I've forgotten in the traditional sense however, it means I have done as all people do with their childhoods; I incorporated the memories I had 'forgotten' into who I am. Memories are chemical information we take on to make sure we don't forget to include this or that in our experience of existing; our youngest, most formitive memories should not be remembered, they should be included most as to who we are today, so we never lose that foundation which is what makes us who we are. The first 10 years of martial arts for me was my childhood, and I learned WTF TKD. I was not a great student, but I learned to become one to respect, on my own, without any teacher. That is why when I finally found a teacher who I could respectfully refer to as that, he saw that in me. Anyone who meets me will see why they will respect me, not why they should. Those years were incredibly formative, and could have been moreso elsewhere in all likelihood.
Though I don't disagree that he should be given the attention he deserves ... little.[/QUOTE]
I think anybody, no matter what they have to offer, if their presence or demeaner causes problems should be ignored. I do not think anything I have said, however, warrants the reaction I've received here. This does not mean they should leave, or they cannot change. But it does mean that the more people provoke them to reply, they will, and the circle will continue. If it really is the fact I am unable to do martial arts as I claim, what then it the benefit toward repeating it like mantra, everytime I speak? It becomes churlish after awhile. It reminds me of when I was between the ages of 6-12 when I was bullied a lot. I was small then, as I am now. I learned, in time, that if you just let go of what they are saying to hurt you, not because they are wrong, but because you can always improve, it casts what they are trying to convey in a different light completely. That's what intentions can do, when they are viewed by someone other than person doing the intending. I do not think most on here have considered, as you have, how they have come across to others. I do not think they care, if this were my career, that it could be effectively ended. Certainly the mod's behavior of removing any reputation I receive is rather indicatory that there is no way to raise my 'reputation'... on the largest martial arts forum on earth. I swear I watch in either the morning or night, I will get
The simple fact any contention from a disagreement probably warrants I be given attention on these boards by those who actually care to give it to me. To be honest, the cruelty of others is still justification of oneself. Imagine if you were in my shoes, how this has appeared from my pov. Do I think they are humiliating me? Perhaps, if this forum were the end all of martial arts and the career. If my name was one tied solely to martial arts, and if I really didn't have varifiable ability, I might actually be bothered by the negative comments. But to be honest, their responses have revealed to me people I consider martial artists from the rest. Some are good, some are bad, but it is their attitude which is what tells me that the others should be spending less time detrimenting my comments, and speaking with people such as Cyrianus, Jenna or Oaktree, who have given me the time of day.
To K-man, though you may have such a personal bias, I hope it doesn't make conversation impossible. There are many martial artists I have called brother or sister, despite how little I liked them, approved of their attitude, or ability. A forum is about that discussion; about having the freedom to disagree. To be honest, it hasn't occurred to you that the philosophy of martial arts I hold is one very common to this area. Maybe it is even a unique feature, I have never actually dived into that kind of philosophical consideration within martial arts with anyone not from the east coast, so perhaps it is a regional difference.
The drivel I post might be such to you, but your methods of varification of my ability, and background, is to frankly just net-negative reply to virtually everything I say. None of you have trained with me, and rather than actually go at length to obtain the information, a quick googling will suffice, and if who I mentioned isn't pulled up, than I must be a fraud. There are five such individuals who if I want negative deconstructive criticism, I'd go right on here. And they are the type of people I would not recommend as a teacher. Those who focus on fault, and not what is currently growing will never actually see their fields grow.
It is comical, to me, that you would like me to leave when you have helped foster a system where I can't. Where in this forum people who leave, or are banned are considered defeated, as opposed to the failure on the forums part which it actually is, and anyone of integrity can see. When you host an open setting for people to communicate freely, and then ban anyone for doing so, speaks less on the part of the forum's than it does the poster they are actually banning. Having effectively attacked not only me, but my employer, my teachers, and the very area itself in regards to its MA culture... how can I leave? Would you, when the alternative is to have your teacher disparaged? When your own life goal in regards to martial arts is not only to have yourself remembered, but the Capitol region as well for its martial arts, as Foshan, Okinawa, and San Francisco are today, and as D.C. deserves. Though I have left my employer, or they left me because of the negative contact from this forum (frankly it doesn't matter to me which), I am only 22, and the road I have traveled is still long to go. I am lucky it is.
And to be honest, my opinion doesn't matter, since I'm not their teacher, who is responsible for how they will grow and develop in the art.
But I should note this; one thing which attracted my attention was how often thanks rise, for me and generally what I've noticed compared to the rest, in comparison to the reputation. I have noticed everyday my thanks go up, while my rep down, even when it is awarded multiple times a day. At some point when handed a handicap, you just ignore it.
You would think though, when others go months without it being raised, and mine is apparently daily, that at least they shouldn't deliberately attempt to keep the rep lowered. At that point it's coming off less as actual reputation, and moreso as illwill on their behalf. Heck, I think I've had a few times where I've received a reputation mark, checked back when I got home from GMU, and found another notification hours later that I had been given a demerit for something else. When there is a system in place where the people who determine what reputation you have get a notification... and if they disagree, it is quite a simple matter to look for the post which angered the most people (through either personal opine, or the one requesting a reputation demerit) and one can see the inherent flaws in such a system for people like me. I am not accusing however, merely stating how it has come off to me, in relation to my responses. I would accuse, if I cared enough to, but my reputation on a single martial art board, governed more by underbelts with the title 'grand-master' next to them for sheer quantity of posts (even if of quality) than for any actual reputation. You know who deserves that kind of ranking? I don't, at least on this board. I've spoken with apprently many masters, yet only a few people I myself would consider so, based upon their depth of insight into the art.
I have noticed, also, others coming to speak for me until others have browbeat them into silence. I am well aware that being controversial there are those who in part agree and keep silent for fear of being reprimanded themself. I am curious to see how your treatment will go, but because you post so infrequently, and I hope you do not let this affect you on a personal level, I do not expect to see the same as I have. The fact though that I am apparently very similar to other people who were banned is something which was less indicative to me of what they did, as boards are always banning people, especially big ones, and moreso the poor attitude on behalf of the poster who still held onto their dislike of that person, enough that they let it affect how they responded to someone completely different.
I imagine whenever I move from here someday I will review what I wrote. I hope in 20 years I won't be too embaressed by my words, though some I am sure will make me blush, but I also hope in 20 years the people on this board won't regret their words either. It is incredible, for all the ill action I have committed (I have deliberately avoided critiquing a style as good or bad. I think some have more developing to do, but all are just systems of thought which, for some work better than others.) how much I have received.
This forum has altered my view of martial arts greatly, something I treasure and hold more dear than my own life. My shishi bagua training has stayed my hand before from enlisting, but will not any longer. This forum has changed my view that you can treat google as if like casting questions into the nether, and actually getting responses. It has changed my view of martial arts, in that I had become naive in thinking the respect practiced by a group of college students, half of which are former convicts I might add, is more humble than that here. I do not speak any differently here than I do there, to any of them. and I respect, and care for them all dearly. But you see- a lot of martial arts is about that confrontation, and casting it aside. Distance I think is the greatest harbinger of illwill in martial arts, and if you ever want to see a bond between teacher and student get crushed, watch in the long term what happens when the teacher decides to retire. Many of Khan's students revile the man, and even attend a school which was founded out of spite of him, by former students. When they opened their doors in Burke, well within what would be considered a respectable range to place another school when one already exists, teaching the same style, they stood outside of Khans and handed out fliers to his students for the new dojo. Fortunately only about 20 students had such a difference of opinion with Master Khan they felt the need to leave, and they were not missed. And to put it in perspective, they received such in-depth training that when Khan's closed, in terms of fighting, they became second best. Khan's stopped competing years ago, and they cleared house normally when they went. You know why they stopped? When they began to see students judged by their own students or teachers, despite objections, and when sparring the entire school walked out in disgust when at the same tournament they were denied wins because of biased calls. It wasn't a conspiracy or anything, that's just what tournaments are like in the area, and Khans gave them the finger because of it. He had more than enough students to hold his own tournaments, with student head counts at above 200+ regularly.
I see a lot of the sickness which has corrupted the hearts of his former students, when at the same time the entire reason they are there is because of his teaching them. Humility is not something you can associate with age, it is something we can associate with experience. I have met an 8 year old who I found to be enlightened than the mystic of 74 years who sat next to him, and was his student. The boy thanked ME for giving him the time of day to listen to what he had to say. And his words changed my life, at least in regards to buddhism and Zen. I am certain he thanks everyone in this fashion. I have masters in the arts who could learn perspective and attitude from someone who is now 11.
I hope others can make that step- to ask to learn from a child, as an adult, when there is actually learning to be done. I made my father proud in asking a young, but experienced girl to teach me kendo when first beginning. To me, asking those who know is not a matter of height or age. They know, and it is apparent to anyone else who does, when they do. But words are never enough in martial arts. Never.
I'm thinking he needs medical attention....
This coming from the individual who in their signature remarks that heroes are born when cornered, makes me strongly rethink considering their words.
