As I said, I do train with hard sparring at times. But I don't like it. I don't think I ever will. When "in a fight", I've never found myself unduly held back by concern for the other person. But I didn't enjoy it then, either. There's a huge gulf between trepidation and enjoyment.Maybe this will help.
If you aren't comfortable with hitting someone hard because "you don't like it" then what when you in a situation when you may actually need to hit someone that deserves it. Will you let your that feeling restrain you and put you or your love one in danger? Here's something that I have always been taught.
When sparring and hitting with decent force (not over doing it)
1. You learn how to better control and drive your power.
2. You harden and condition your sparring partner's body. Which makes them less afraid to be hit hard.
3. You create realistic tactics and fighting theories, because you don't take unnecessary chances with things you aren't good at or things that you are not able to.
4. You learn to control your emotion where fighting isn't about " what you don't like to do" "It's about what you have to do". It's not about "hurting someone else" it's about "protecting yourself".
5. You learn to control your emotion, your frustration, and your fear of being hit. You learn to hold it together when fear or uneasiness is just an uncontrolled thought away.
6. You learn to focus on the tasks that need to be done, instead of focusing on what you may or may not do to a "future enemy.
I had a student who was afraid to hit me hard. I would scolded her for not doing so. She wanted to be able to fight using kung fu. But not being able to hit someone hard is what prevented her from be able to learn how to fight.
When we do leg conditioning. People get hurt.
When I block a beginner with my forearm, even when it's a soft block. That person gets hurt.
When we do forearm conditioning. People get hurt.
There's a different between being hurt as part of training and hurting people out of pain or out of being a jerk. It's just part of the reality of what the training is.
Not trying to change your mind. Just putting another perspective out there. Force doesn't always mean 100% and hitting someone as hard as you can.