First let me vent for a second. I really hate dial up AOL. It is the only thing I can get access to right now and it keeps dropping me. The piece of crap.
The laptop works just fine, at my parents place back in Michigan with Comcast cable so I know it is not the system.
Second attempt at a long reply back.
upnorthkyosa said:
I have to say that this one of the most interesting threads I've seen in the Study for a long time. Major props, Rich, for sharing something so personal!
I was hoping it would take the turn on to our society and not just what is about me.
upnorthkyosa said:
I guess we are like black and white. I'm married (only once and I found the right one). I have two kids. I have two pets. I own my own house. I have a career. I'm in good shape. I am happy...well most of the time, but anyone who says they are happy all of the time is lying...
I have all the same things but a wife and kids, and I am very happy, most days, and the other days are usually understandable. i.e. people in hospitals, people loosing jobs, etcetera.
upnorthkyosa said:
I never sought this life. In fact, this is pretty far from what I imagined for myself in High School. All I can say is that I just followed my heart and this is how things ended up. Is all of this better then being 39, single (divorced), with no kids, and overweight? I don't know? I do know that all we can do is make the best with what we've got...and that is all I've ever tried to do.
I never sought my own either other than to go out and go to college which has lead to certain things as well.
I brought up the over wieght item to let you know I am not perfect, and do not expect others to be either, but that I also am always trying to improve.
upnorthkyosa said:
With that being said, one thing I have to question is this...
"So, I am 39, single (Divorced), no kids, over weight, and happy."
Are you? My intuition is really looking at the subsequent statements and wondering. I get the impression that you are seeking something else.
I am happy. I am so happy, it is really scary to me. I have problems with some people relationships and how bad it is or how both are nto really happy. I am not able to stay like that anymore, so I move on.
I am always seeking to learn more and grow more.
upnorthkyosa said:
I'm not trying to come off as a jerk, but I am being pointed. Often I think that people are really dishonest with themselves. Myself included. This is why we need to struggle for the truth within us...and that is one of the most important fights that any of us will ever fight.
See previous post about checking to make sure I am not just being different to be different.
upnorthkyosa said:
My point is this...people are incredibly sensitive creatures. We observe things all of the time that we do not register. I get gut feelings all of the time that turn me on or off to certain people and there is good evidence that shows that those feelings are based in reality. For instance, sometimes we just know that certain people are fake, covetous, unhappy, and/or whatever. I think the only way that we can discover if we are giving off these vibes is to examine ourselves carefully and be honest.
I have learned from my experiences, marriage being only one of them. I try not to repeat my mistakes.
I have seen some women not very happy early on into a first date. I aske them about it, and they seemed like it was a relief to them to be able to talk about how it is not good, and that they did nto want to hurt my feelings. I smile, and tell them that just because I am not right for them does not mean I am wrong or a bad person. Just that I am not right for them. I have even gotten a friendship out of one of these.
upnorthkyosa said:
If you looked at your life and admitted that it isn't everything that you want, how would you go about changing it?
I would possible change my job based upon recent corporate changes. But this is not immediate and I would have to weigh all factors. I am also looking into having the current company pay for a MS degree that is not 100% related to work, it is only about 20% at best, compared to some others. Yet it would be for me.
I have been looking but not actively seeking women. If it happens, cool if not there is always next week.