Self defence myths that could actually put you in danger

[jks9199]

If you teach self defense classes -- especially self defense classes for women, you WILL encounter victims as students. The challenge for the instructor -- whatever their gender -- is to set up an environment where they will feel safe to confront the issues that exist from that. It's far from easy.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

thanks for your thoughtful reply. I apologize for the length here.

re: "direct experience". Yes, we both know multiple people who have "successfully used physical techniques". However, I meant direct experience with successfully modeling/teaching/changing the mental-psychological framework that allows Targets to behave in ways that prevent assaults". This is the framework that enables girls/women to' set and enforce early boundaries' to be 'impolite' or 'rude' if required, to notice and ACT on that 'hunch-gut instinct-funny feeling' that so many describe feeling prior to a physical assault. I'm asking if that poster, or anyone on this thread, has actual, replicable experience in doing that successfully. Do you and can you describe it or help me understand why you do not?

My experience is that most MA-based instructors doing SD4W, have not. This is based on both observing and listening to many instructors in many styles over about 30 years. And the many, many threads on forums such as MT, where teachers (almost totally men) express significant confusion and puzzlement about their female students inability to do what is needed (both verbal and physical) to reduce their risk, respond to intrusive or threatening behavior or defend against physical attacks. I see very little thoughtful investigation into why that is so (such as asking and listening to replies), and little willingness to connect the very limiting ways most girls are socialized, to this inhibited self-protective behavior and thinking. For MAs (mostly men) they do not take any connection seriously and have no idea how to move forward

re: "To defend against sexual assault from an insider? Most of us no - partly because it's unlikely we'll hear from a student that she (yes, usually "she") was attacked by a friend of the family.

Yes, I understand you don't hear this. There are reasons why Targets don't share this with you. But it exists and is the most frequent form of targeting/testing/aggression/assault that girls/women must face. So to ignore it, when one knows it is so significant, is unacceptable, at least to a teacher wanting to do his/her best for people seeking help and useful instruction.

How is it possible to see oneself as effectively teaching SD4W if one has _little or no experience/actual knowledge_ of this entire dimension?

I construct and organize all my classes, workshops, presentations, talks and personal encounters about SD4W so that it becomes very likely that I'll "hear from a student that she (yes, usually "she") was attacked by a friend of the family'.

It is my job to make that as "likely" as I possibly can. Being a woman can be an asset but as pointed out on this thread, many women MAs were trained by men in MA and are equally ineffective/poor at teaching the wide range of SD4W because of it.
Over time, working collaboratively with other instructors, we've developed many strategies for making students feel comfortable talking honestly, either with others present or in private. That's part of the responsibility. It can be done.

Men in SD could do so, if they choose.. It takes time and sustained commitment and is more painful I think, than any physical challenge. I've not seen that to date but it may occur. i am hopeful and try to be encouraging.

w/respect A

The obvious Target population is becoming experienced and comfortable working with boys, teens and adult men who have been sexually assaulted by coaches, family members, friends, trusted figures. They are certainly there. They also have sought me out. Most did not seek out other adult men. Shame, humiliation and terror were present in those conversations. Developing and learning to be effective in helping those Targeted people will be a way for men in SD to get these skills. I haven't see that to date but it could happen. I don't think I've ever seen a reality-based SD training (involving mostly males) that included _any_ mention of the "known/trusted/friendly attacker" or sexual abuse of boys, teens or men by people "inside that circle". I hope that will change. It is desperately needed.

w/respect A

I agree with at least 80-90% of what you said. The other 10-20% may be semantics and perception, so probably not worth debate.

In essence, my assertion is that very few instructors of either gender have your understanding of either what is needed or how to effect the change - much less both. As for me, this is one reason I don't do woman-specific classes. I simply am not trained and informed enough to deliver what you're talking about. Could I learn it? Of course - but not from scratch, while running my regular business. If someone like you offered a course on this topic, backed with good research and materials to assist me, I'd be interested.

For now, I simply accept that I'm not qualified to cover this area well, so I do what I can to help (including working on some of the foundational aspects of psychological self-development with all of my students) and teach the most effective physical defense I can as an offset to what I cannot do.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

If you teach self defense classes -- especially self defense classes for women, you WILL encounter victims as students. The challenge for the instructor -- whatever their gender -- is to set up an environment where they will feel safe to confront the issues that exist from that. It's far from easy.

Oh, I have definitely run into some, though only in seminar situations, never among my students. I suspect that my training style is not comforting to someone who has been through that kind of experience, so they don't become students. More proof that I don't have the depth of understanding necessary to be as helpful as I'd like in this are.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Oh, I have definitely run into some, though only in seminar situations, never among my students. I suspect that my training style is not comforting to someone who has been through that kind of experience, so they don't become students. More proof that I don't have the depth of understanding necessary to be as helpful as I'd like in this are.

What about your training style do you think is not suitable to them?

 

[jks9199]

Oh, I have definitely run into some, though only in seminar situations, never among my students. I suspect that my training style is not comforting to someone who has been through that kind of experience, so they don't become students. More proof that I don't have the depth of understanding necessary to be as helpful as I'd like in this are.

Absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing that. Too few do...

 

[deflect->atemi]

I have had a guy take his shoes of to fight me.

I've only seen it once in my life.

 

[RTKDCMB]

I've only seen it once in my life.

Kudos to the President for his reflexes.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

What about your training style do you think is not suitable to them?

Too much "hands-on" too quickly, by a male instructor. The first thing anyone learns involves me grabbing them by the arm.