It has been my experience that the less opportunities kids have to make their own decisions in life, the more they tend to act disruptively trying to take back some control, and the less developed their decision making skills are when they need them later in life.
I’m a school teacher, and my students range from 3 years old to 13 years old, depending on the subject. My physical education classes are 3 year old pre-k through kindergarten (I’ve taught that in a high school too).
Your comment is an excellent one that I haven’t heard before, and is dead on. I wish I heard it put that way when I first started out.
The opposite is also true, however - the kids who are allowed to make every decision can be equally disruptive for basically the same reason - they want to keep that control.
2 kids, for the opposite reasons immediately stand out while I type this. I know both sets of parents outside of school, so I’ve got a good understanding of their background:
1. Kid who needs to take back some control:
6th grader. His mother is CONSTANTLY telling him what to do. Did I emphasize constantly? And when he doesn’t do what she expects, he’s immediately grounded for a minimum of a week, even for the littlest things. Most often 2-3 weeks. I HATE telling her he did something wrong in my class because I know the consequences will be way out of proportion. How does he act? He tells EVERYONE around him what to do. He tries to tell me how to run my class, and points out every mistake he thinks I’ve made. When he’s proven wrong, he implodes; crying, calling himself stupid, etc. He’s easily the most disruptive kid I have at his grade. Every teacher who has him or has had him agrees. Nothing any teacher has tried has made any difference because everything gets undone by his mother. Being nice, being “mean,” sitting him down and talking privately, consequences, et al have all failed.
2. Currently in kindergarten. I’ve had him for 3 years now in PE. He’s the oldest of 2 kids, and parents let him do whatever he wants. They always ask him what he wants to do rather than tell him he’s doing something. Everything we do in class, he wants to do something else. And he disrupts everything until he gets his way. Example: yesterday we were playing “zombie tag.” When I told the class this, he raises his hand and says “I don’t like zombie tag. I want to play regular tag.” I tell him nicely that we’re playing zombie tag today. He’s eyes water up, he crosses his arms in front of his chest and sits down right in the middle of the gym. I ignore this (as it’s every time) and tell everyone to run away and start, and he starts screaming and crying. I use my talking to a 5 year old voice and mannerisms and explain why we can’t always play what we want to play to deaf ears. I pick him up and move him to the wall so he doesn’t get run over, and explain that we’re all playing something else today and if he’d like to play he can get up and play whenever he’s ready. He screamed and cried the entire remaining 35 minutes, saying he wants to play regular tag. It’s similar with every game he doesn’t want to play. And when we’re coincidentally playing what he wants to play, there’s still issues - he wants a different ball, different color ball, more than one, etc. He acts this way because he’s never told what to do at home. His father will say “let’s do this” and he’ll say “I want to do that” and his father will do whatever the kid wants. Practically every time. If his father say no, outright no or trying to redirect, he’ll do what he does in my class and get his way within a few minutes. Same for his mother, only it typically takes a bit longer, but not much longer to break her. Me? His tantrums have no effect on me. I got used to it within the first month of having him in my class. It’s like living next to train tracks - you don’t hear the trains go by after a few weeks.
Both kids are at the extreme opposite, yet for all intents and purposes, the end result is the same. And both kids are the most extreme example of it; most kids fall somewhere in between.