Problems with my Teacher

[shesulsa]

I agree that your intuition should tell you a lot and I wonder why you would still train with someone you had bad vibes from, but that's your business.

Perhaps a discussion directly with your teacher is in order here.

Regards

 

[TigerWoman]

I also think you should discuss this with your teacher. X has limited life in a dojo if he sexually molests women. That is a habit that will continue to perpetuate. He gets away with something and trys more the next time. He has no place as an instructor with that conduct. If your present teacher, owner of the school, is not really teaching you and you are not satisfied being his student either, I would leave. You are being taught by someone who will get caught sooner or later, and have to go back to your teacher, owner of the school, or he will replace him with someone else, but that is only a possibility. Better to discuss it with your teacher and have him decide if you want to stay with the school. This is an issue of integrity. Its not easy. He's your friend but is doing wrong. You want to stay in the school and have your friend teach you but know its not right or suspect its not right. So it needs to be discussed with your teacher before the school and your friend is sued. TW

 

[shesulsa]

I also think you should discuss this with your teacher. X has limited life in a dojo if he sexually molests women. That is a habit that will continue to perpetuate. He gets away with something and trys more the next time. He has no place as an instructor with that conduct. If your present teacher, owner of the school, is not really teaching you and you are not satisfied being his student either, I would leave. You are being taught by someone who will get caught sooner or later, and have to go back to your teacher, owner of the school, or he will replace him with someone else, but that is only a possibility. Better to discuss it with your teacher and have him decide if you want to stay with the school. This is an issue of integrity. Its not easy. He's your friend but is doing wrong. You want to stay in the school and have your friend teach you but know its not right or suspect its not right. So it needs to be discussed with your teacher before the school and your friend is sued. TW

Agreed.

 

[Zepp]

...One thing which still sticks to me is an issue with a female student. She feels uncomfortable going to learn from him because of the things he has done, jokes, groping, and offers of things. I wont go into detail, but she has no reason to lie about it. I dont know her! She infact wont go unless X and I are going for a lesson. She will be quitting here soon though, I believe at the end of the month. My problem is not with his teaching, or how he has treated me, its how I see him treat others. Those who have been there longer than me. And I feel that by me giving him money each lesson, I am directly or indirectly supporting that. With that, more suggestions please.

Maybe I misread this earlier post, but I was under the impression that the instructor was doing the molesting, not FasterthanDeath's friend X. Or am I mistaken?

 

[mj-hi-yah]

I personally have an issue with my teacher because he just rubbed me the wrong way when I met him. Nothing he has said or done did this, just that first impression you know that is hard to forget. I have kept that to myself, until this incident where alot was let out. One thing which still sticks to me is an issue with a female student. She feels uncomfortable going to learn from him because of the things he has done, jokes, groping, and offers of things. I wont go into detail, but she has no reason to lie about it. I dont know her! She infact wont go unless X and I are going for a lesson. She will be quitting here soon though, I believe at the end of the month. My problem is not with his teaching, or how he has treated me, its how I see him treat others. Those who have been there longer than me. And I feel that by me giving him money each lesson, I am directly or indirectly supporting that. With that, more suggestions please.

This right here to me is your issue. You are talking about how you feel about your instructor, your feelings are based on how you view him as a person as a result of how he treats people in his school. Your eroding respect for him as a person is the bigger issue here, not necessarily your training. It is difficult to learn in an environment where people do not feel safe. He makes you uneasy, because he is making others uncomfortable and unable to learn. You sound like a caring person and in this case separating their issues from yours may be too difficult because of how you have come to feel about him as a result. In light of this new information....look for a new place to train. Try to keep your parting respectful as the issues are over things that have taken place with other students, pay up what you owe and then run... don't walk out that door!
There are many great schools in which to learn. If you can't find a Kenpo school, seek out something else, but do your homework before signing up - observe classes and interview the head instructor and lots of students.
MJ :asian:

 

[kenpo tiger]

Not to interrupt the flow here, but what's this instructor's credentials? I don't recall reading anything about that in your posts. And, what rank is your friend "stuck" at? We all know there's tons and tons of material to memorize and work with in kenpo. Being at one rank for a while is normal.

If you have personal issues with your instructor, that's something entirely separate from your training. From someone who's been there: if you're unhappy, leave. You are paying him to learn and TO HAVE FUN. If you're not having fun or learning, what's the point?

Further, depending upon your instructor's integrity in what he teaches and how he promotes people (on knowing the material and demonstrating the abilities required for the belt?) -- is it worth sticking around for a black belt from someone who possibly doesn't care what you know and is just in it for the $$??!! KT:asian:

 

[CB2379]

I agree with KT and MJ. If you are not having fun, then why bother? It is definately hard to separate your personal feelings from your learning and as a teacher myself, I can attest to this. There is a significant correlation between a student's acheivement and their enjoyment of the class and teacher!

Training is recreational; you certainly are not forced to train at this school. I recommend taking some time off (a week or so) and go back to your school with an open mind. If you feel the same, perhaps it's time to move on.

Chuck

 

[FasterthanDeath]

in either choice I will let everyone know, Tonight we are going back and I will say something. I really dont want to go tonight, but I will support my friend. We really dont know how our teacher is going to take it, the worse has been talked about so I want to go just to help my friend out, just in case. And plus, I'm not a coward, and I am not him. I will tell him to his face if I have to. I may just go and get my things and never return. Thats how I feel now. I am one of those people where when I am done with something, I am done. I can forgive, but not forget. I am not like him, and will stop supporting him and how he teaches. Wish me luck, I will try to give a report asap. But if something goes wrong, I dont know when I could. Wish me luck.

 

[shesulsa]

Good luck, Fast.

 

[mj-hi-yah]

FasterthanDeath,

I see you are still online. Man o man....don't go there if you feel like you are in any danger! I wish you luck of course, but play it smart!

MJ :asian:

 

[kenpo tiger]

I hope you were (pleasantly) surprised at your instructor's reaction. We await your report. KT

 

[FasterthanDeath]

well class was canceled on Monday, and X really didnt feel like going. I think that we are just not going to go back. I think thats the right choice, although I do want to tell him face to face that I dont want to take lessons from him anymore, but if that happened I would tell him my reasons and then I am sure he would ask everyone else why I really left, and that would just cause more drama. So I think just not showing up anymore is a good idea.

 

[mj-hi-yah]

well class was canceled on Monday, and X really didnt feel like going. I think that we are just not going to go back. I think thats the right choice, although I do want to tell him face to face that I dont want to take lessons from him anymore, but if that happened I would tell him my reasons and then I am sure he would ask everyone else why I really left, and that would just cause more drama. So I think just not showing up anymore is a good idea.

At this point this sounds like a good choice! You had me worried dude! Let us know when you find a new place to train! I'm sure we'd all be interested in hearing about that. Best of luck to you!

MJ :asian:

 

[Rob Broad]

FasterthanDeath let us know what region you are in and maybe someone here will be able help you find a better place to train.

 

[Brother John]

I personally have an issue with my teacher because he just rubbed me the wrong way when I met him.

One thing which still sticks to me is an issue with a female student. She feels uncomfortable going to learn from him because of the things he has done, jokes, groping, and offers of things.

My problem is not with his teaching, or how he has treated me, its how I see him treat others. Those who have been there longer than me.

These highlight some very relevant points.
The first one is reason enough to get a different instructor. It's not his fault, or yours...but if there seems to be a basic personality clash...find a different instructor.

The issue with the female student is serious. IF that's the truth and there's been "Groping" going on.....dang....get out and take her with you.

How an instructor treats individuals is so important because eventually a karate class gains kind of a 'group-mind' or at least a group identity... to where sentiments are generalized like this.

NOW: Having said all this, go back and read reply #10 by Robert. It's good and very much on the mark.
But in the end, if the differences that are there...wether valid, or just in your head...or whatever... are reason enough to try again elsewhere.

Good luck and Godspeed.
Your Brother
John