Loss, Mentally, and Phyiscally

[Flatlander]

Wow,That's really a tough ordeal for him,you've had plenty of good advice that I can't add anything to,except maybe after he wants to talk about it,show him this thread,invite him to join MT.Then he can ask all the advice he wants with lots of varied answers besides just yours.Just an idea.

And a good idea at that. That Gary Crawford, he's a wise fellow.

 

[Shu2jack]

One of the women was part of a hate group. By the sounds of it, they were mainly after her or wanted to hurt all of the people in the car, including your student.

By standing up to 3 attackers with weapons, he prevented the others from being seriously hurt or possibly killed, even though he took a beating for it. Heck, I would say he was heroic.

Part of the reason for studying the fighting arts is to protect yourself and others. Though he failed to protect himself (and honestly, I don't care who you are, 3 armed attackers against just an unarmed you? Odds are against you), he protected the others. In that light he did himself, you as his instructor, and his art justice and brought honor to your school and himself.

 

[8253]

Time and meditation works wonders. X has done a very noble thing by protecting the others and giving them a route of escape. To me this shows that X has more courage than most people that I know. People should be proud of the fact that X has shown the courage to protect others. For that he has definately won mentally and physically.

 

[loki09789]

I had a student of mine a couple of days ago get jumped by 3 guys and they did a number on him. My student is 6'1 260, Native American guy. Big and solid. Long hair to boot. He was in the car with three other people. A guy and two other girls. One of the girls used to be part of a Hate group. I am not going to name which one, and I am not going to go into it with much detail cause I dont want to start any problems on the forums. But she was part of a Hate group and got away and was staying with him and the other people in the car. They were being followed by individuals whom she used to run with. They didnt know this at the time. The three guys pulled infront of them at their apt complex and got out. My student (whom I will call X) gets out and they begin to exchange words back and forth. The three men have weapons and X tells the others to get out and run to the apt. The leader(or the guy who did the talking) of the three guys approached X and went to hit him. X hit him with a strike to the throat and the guy fell back. The second guy runs up and throws a punch, X blocks and hits him back, he falls. By now the two other women and the other guy get out of x's car and try to help him. The two girls quickly get put on the ground and they get up and run for help. The third guy just stood there. X couldnt fight them off for too long and eventually they controlled him by his hair and began to kick him in the face and chest, telling him to stay down. But he tried to get back up multiple times, thus resulting in him getting kicked multiple times. That was it. They left and X went to the hospital with a concussion and lots of cuts and bruises. He wouldnt talk to me for a couple of days because he was ashamed, and now he feels that he has dishonored me and that maybe he shouldnt do martial arts at all. I told him that all he could do was his best and that he walked away from it. That he had reached his goal. He won. But he didnt want to hear that. I dont know what to do for him, he feels that this was a challenge and that he didnt make it. So now he wants to quit. Your opinions and suggestions please, FTD

Time for the After Action Report, IMO. What did he do right? What did he do wrong? What conditions/elements could he actually control and what conditions were beyond his control? What, ultimately should the ultimate objective be in such scenarios? People pay lip service to the idea that martial artists have failed if a they allow a fight to happen because they don't really spend a lot of time on the tactical/mental/control issues that will keep a fight from happening. Hindsight being 20/20, cell phones should have been dialing up like crazy and there should have been no words exchanged when weapons were involved/displayed. Get in the car and run. Of course that is so easy to see from the comfort of my keyboard, but if you talk it out with him using the above questions and others like it, he will see what the reality is in contrast to his personal expectations. He had very little chance and was lucky it went as well as it did. Not that it went well, just that statistically it could have been MUCH worse.

Choices and more choices. Even before the event, considering lifestyle and examining that very carefully will go a long way too. You mentioned multiple cases of multiple opponent fights that you and he were there for over the last 10 years....might be a good idea to find a better part of town or a less combustable social environment to participate in. In terms of developing his martial arts/personal growth, facing it rationally will go a long way to create a reasonable perspective.

I am very glad that your friend survived. I am very glad that he has learned the limits of his human influence on the world. It is very sad that he learned that lesson in such a traumatic way. But, I would say that the only way to help him get any semblance of self confidence is to look at it analytically and within the context of his life, not just a fight or 'test.' I would even go so far as suggest professional counselling. You are a martial arts instructor and friend. You can be part of the recovery but he will need more than friendship if this is impacting him so deeply. Post Traumatic Stress is what I would call it.

I hope the Police were notified and legal action is in process since the one girl knew the people who attacked them.

 

[Bod]

Tell him to consider himself a hero, brag about it to his grandchildren, and cut his hair.

Learning to take loss with equanimity has to be one of the hardest lessons of all, but it takes you to another level.