I understand what you are saying thank you
and but I would not see it like this.. I think gentle is the only way in Aikido.. I am always going to be softer than a bladed weapon, how hard can I be against tempered steel anyway? The gentle is woven in the technique.. there is pain yes and but you are just neutral when it is complete the pain is in his resisting what you have applied.. Me it is not my intention to apply pain.. is my intention to let him walk away so he can save face.. For me is opposite of tapout where I might bend him so much to the point of breaking either tapout or pass out.. no.. if the technique work then I am just standing neutral.. talk to him if he want.. we can be calm.. if he move at me again then he induce his own pain in the lock that he is in, yes?
I do not know.. is not my experience that hurting him make him stop.. is my experience reason with him make him stop.. though maybe I am not in same situation you are in. In my situation people get angry that is what make them lash out at us at me at others.. Hurting do not diminish that anger.. just make it worse.. they call police here a lot.. some police the best ones.. they are calm.. they are gentle! Speak calm, act calm.. that is best way nobody get hurt everybody walk, save face.. Other police not so much.. they come in ready to fight.. is wrong mindset, right?? Fighting be about winning.. And you disadvantage your self from start if there is need to win, yes?? Police who come in like this with this mindset almost like all of these people are bad people.. they are like stormtroopers yes they win by force and but there is lot of trouble with violence.. Aikido technique successfully applied for me permit a moment just enough so like.. ok stop! everybody be calm.. It is like I give you a moment to reassess.. You understand me?? Not sure I am too clear on this.. Anyway.. I do not know maybe is just I am not in your situations like knives and things..
Just my experience is all x