Need advice from teachers.

[bydand]

I know there are several school teachers on the board, so I'm hoping some of you have a couple of suggestions for me. I am butting heads with my 3rd graders teacher and it is only 3 weeks into the school year. As some of you may know from other posts I've made, I tend to be a relaxed sort of guy that takes things in stride. When it comes to my kids though, I tend to go into "junkyard dog" mode whenever I feel somebody is treating them differently or unfairly and allow my feelings to cloud my judgement. I am hoping this isn't one of those times, so I am asking for your unbiased opinions here. There isn't 1 big thing that is causing the friction, but many small matters; He has gone from a child who couldn't wait to get to school to one that is complaining he is sick in the mornings and dosen't want to go to school. His "best" times of school are: recess, quiting time, music, and computers; all things his regular teacher is not part of. Before school started the teacher sent a letter to the kids with a short list of things to bring to school and a rather long list of things NOT to bring - OK, different, but still ok. He loves mechanical penciles so we sent him to school with 3 or 4 he picked out, she comes unglued and sends them back home the 1st day and tells him "I don't like mech. penciles, bring regular ones tomorrow!" - My thoughts are too damn bad they're not on your don't bring list (action is to send regular penciles in so he isn't singled out.) Couple of days later she dosen't like what we sent with him for his morning snack (choc flavored yougart) so she dosen't let him have a snack, says it is no different than a choc candy bar. - I turn bright red and reach for the phone when my wife stops me and says it wouldn't be productive right then (she is right, I hang up the phone) Next morning I send a note stating he IS to get a snack with the other classmates weather it is the one we send or one the school provides. Now her beef is us picking him and his brothers up after school. The teacher says she need a note stating we intend to pick him up for the remainder of the year if we expect her to release him to us instead of putting him on the bus. - Now the superintendants office does not need one, nor does the principal office, nor does the bus garage even though I have let the offices and the bus garage know we are picking them up and they have no problem. She is known for wanting notes for everything, but she refuses to send a note home with a question or request, instead she relies on averbal message delivered through an 8 year-old. I am ready to blow my top here!

Am I being unreasonable? What would be a option? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the long rant, but I tend to get passionate when the subject is my kids.

 

[Flatlander]

Sorry dude, not a teacher. I am a dad though, and admire your restraint thus far. I'd have not been as successful, I fear....

 

[Andrew Green]

Wow... that's one big power trip this teacher is on.

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

Oh boy, things do not seem to have started out on the right foot. I would try and talk with the teacher and see if things can be straightened out. (really give it a chance) If not, well I would request my child be changed to another teacher. (it is still early and generally not a problem at this time)

 

[terryl965]

Byland I'm an ex teacher wife still is and you have every right to be angry.
1st if the district has no rule against mechanical pencil then she must let them in the class.
2nd if you are on the list that can pick your child up she can not go against what district policy says.

Lastly you need to sit her down with the principle and or vice principle and put her on the spot. She is not GOD she is a teacher that has to follow district policies.

I too conmend you on being slient so far but now is the time to nip this in the butt before he hates school.
Terry

 

[bydand]

Thanks for the quick replies already. I haven't really been silent so far, but just haven't had an "offical" talk yet. I have known the Principal for about 8 years and most of the office staff for 15 years or so. I have mentioned to the Principal what is going on, but asked him not to say anything until I have had a chance to talk to the teacher directly first and see if that resolves the issues. We have a meeting scheduled, but wanted some insight as to weather or not I may be looking at things from too close of a perspective. Thanks so far! I would still love to hear from some of the teachers on the site, but know they are probably in school right now until this evening.

 

[Ceicei]

Lastly you need to sit her down with the principle and or vice principle and put her on the spot. She is not GOD she is a teacher that has to follow district policies.

I too conmend you on being slient so far but now is the time to nip this in the butt before he hates school.
Terry

Bydand,

I used to be a high school teacher. I do appreciate it when parents give me a chance to explain why I do certain things in my class. If that doesn't work, do this and soon! Ask for a conference with the principal/vice principal, the teacher, and yourself/your wife. Let them know how you feel and give her a chance to express her point of view as well. The principal or vice principal will be there to explain policies.

- Ceicei

 

[Kacey]

I am currently a teacher, and here's my take on it: if the school does not forbid something (like the mechanical pencils and the chocolate yoghurt) then the teacher cannot forbid it without a reason - an example of an acceptable reason would be asking parents not to send anything with peanuts because a child in the class is allergic, and 8 year-olds can't be expected to keep track of what does and doesn't have peanuts in it. The same goes for how he gets home - the only time I could see her attitude would be if he was being picked up by someone who is not on the school's list of parents/guardians/responsible adults allowed to pick up your child.

As far as the rest goes, it sounds like this teacher is on a power trip. If it wouldn't put your son at risk for being a target, I would say that, if it's not in a note from her, ignore it - since that's what she does. However, I would not recommend this now because it would put your son in the middle.

I agree that you need to meet with this teacher - and the sooner, the better. I understand wanting to avoid adminstrators because it might be confrontational, but this meeting needs to be witnessed by someone at the building - someone administrative - because otherwise it will be your word against hers, and nothing will change, or any changes will be superficial. If it has reached the point that, in a few weeks, your son no longer enjoys school - then this is serious and needs to be dealt with immediately.

Also, as a teacher, let me thank you for being involved in your children's education - too many parents drop them off (sometimes hours early) and pick them up (sometimes hours late, or they go home to an empty house) and think they've done all they need to do.

Please set up that meeting as soon as possible, and let us know how it goes, both at the meeting and in the future.

 

[Ping898]

Bydand, I am not teacher, but my 2 cents anyways, though you've probably already done this it is a good idea to document everything done and your son's change in attitude so that if it gets to the point where the teacher is unwilling to bend or administrators can't help, you have plenty of documentation to back up a request to have your son transferred to another class.

 

[bydand]

Again, thanks everybody! Quite a list of responses already, but the main theme seems to be a meeting with teacher and administration - already planned for later this week. Brian and Ping mention maybe changing teachers, - not a great option at this grade level I'm afraid. Due to MY fault years ago, before I was married and even thinking of children. The other 3rd grade teacher and myself don't get along in the least and I wouldn't want to put my son right in the middle of that mess. (long story, short version - Aunt to my brothers ex-wife, and while working on wiring the new school building years ago I mentioned to her she should at least dress in her "SS" uniform so her students wouldn't be mis-led. (I was much younger and had a hard time closing the mouth when I should have)) She still hates me for it.

Terry & Kacey- District has no rules concerning the mech. pencils, and the only people to pick them are either my wife or myself 99% of the time the other 1% might be their Grandparents, all of us are on the list to get them.

Ceicei - I always give a teacher a chance to explain why some rules are different in their classroom. That is why I am asking this question now instead of after my meeting, that way if I was looking at things wrong I would have time to calm down and back down. I know it is a difficult job and one that I am not cut out to do. All teachers and ex-teachers have my highest regard for choosing a profession that makes such a giant difference for such little compensation. While the smiles of the students and the thanks of parents are nice, they don't pay the bills.

Kacey - I don't think any meeting involving the administration would be confrontational. I've known the administrators for years and go to church with half of them. that is one of the reasons I was hesitent to include them in the first meeting, I don't want to put them in the middle.

Thanks!

 

[John Brewer]

I hope you get it worked out. What a power trip!

 

[Kacey]

Kacey - I don't think any meeting involving the administration would be confrontational. I've known the administrators for years and go to church with half of them. that is one of the reasons I was hesitent to include them in the first meeting, I don't want to put them in the middle.

I didn't think the administrators would find being present confrontational - just the teacher. And it's their job to be in the middle.

Please let us know how it goes.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Go talk to them and get with the program. The last thing you should do is tell your son how you feel about his teacher.
Sean

 

[bydand]

Go talk to them and get with the program. The last thing you should do is tell your son how you feel about his teacher.
Sean

Excuse me? Maybe I should knock down the doors and talk with them - did you miss the part about me having a meeting already set up with them? As for letting my son know how I feel about his teacher, I fail to see where I even mention anything close to that. As for getting with the program, Lets lay out a timeline here: Yesterday (18th) about 3:30 PM I get the request for the bus issue which is the largest and final straw. This morning by 8:00 AM I've already given the administration a heads-up for upcoming events and set up a meeting with the teacher. Want an unbiased teachers perspective about how best to handle the situation so there isn't fall-out for my son who still has to finish the school year, so post question here around 11:00 AM. Kind of missing the where the "program" has been missed here.

 

[pstarr]

Yup. Talk to the superintendent and/or principal, too. I went through this kind of malarky with my daughter's teacher in high school - we raised enough hell that we won and the teacher backed way off.

 

[zDom]

Wonder if it is a new teacher... I agree: sounds like a power trip problem.


We had problems with one of my daughter's teachers.

Very carefully, we eventually requested a different teacher. Instead of pointing fingers, we just said "we don't think she is a bad teacher, we just think it is a bad match with our daughter"

but it still went poorly. The admin backed her teacher to the hilt.

We ended up pulling her from the school and putting her in the local Catholic school (even though we are Protestants).

Hope things work out better for you -- but it is definately worth doing something. Definately don't want your child getting a negative image of school.

 

[Jade Tigress]

I am steaming mad about your situation. The straw for me is denying your son his morning snack. That is cruel. The kid is 8 years old for cryin out loud. It's terrible that he has gone from loving school to hating it. And all due to one teacher.

I have a great amount of respect for teachers. They have a tremendous impact on our children. I will always support my children's teachers within reason. This teacher is being unreasonable. It sounds like she hates her job and takes it out on the kids. How does a kid manage to LEARN in an enviroment like that? I am not one of those parents who thinks my kids can do no wrong and no matter what the teacher says my child will be right. No. If my child is out of line I support the teacher. My children have to abide by school rules and respect their teachers. This is a different matter IMO.

Fortunately, my son has been blessed with teachers who love to teach. My daughter, now in high school has had teachers she complains about. Too bad. They were good teachers and it was a personality conflict. There was nothing wrong with teacher. But if the kind of things you've been dealing with was happening, as a parent, I would be nipping it in the bud right quick.

Good luck to you and your son getting it worked out. I doubt you will be able to change the teacher. She is unhappy in her position or has personal issues she is bringing into class. Perhaps the best thing to do is request a new homeroom for your son.

 

[bydand]

Hey everybody, thanks for the replies and posts. Just a quick update for those who asked to be kept up to date. I went in that Thursday (21 Sept) and talked with everybody. While she wasn't too happy with it, things are ironed out. Her problem with the mech. pencil was (and I quote)"The click, click, click of advancing the lead distracts me." My well thought-out and reasoned answer was that it was just too damn bad, she is in a room with 15 3rd graders, I doubt that could even be heard. That one kind of caught me off guard - that was the last reason I could have even thought of. The Principal agreed with me. Snacks - whatever I send in will be the snack for him. She used the argument that she is the one who has to be in the room with the kids during the day and she didn't want "junk" as a snack because of behavior issues. While I could see her point, I also informed her that I was the one who has been with my child from the day he was born and have a bit of a better grasp on how he handles different snacks. Chocolate flavored yougart isn't "junk" and I wouldn't send something that would sabotage his school day for him, or for her. Bus issue and who she was going to release him to after school was taken care of before the talk. Principal told her that if she put any kid on a bus knowing their parent was waiting for them in the lobby, he personally would call the police for child endangerment (sending them home knowing nobody was there), and fire her. All the other minor things were worked out and I'm looking forward to the rest of the year to see how it all pans out. She has been teaching for quite some time and has a very good reputation overall, so I am confident she will get by this.

On a personal note though, she has been under a great deal of stress because one of her closest friends was having difficulity during the end of her preg. and she realized she was bringing her stress into the classroom. It's a very small community and we all know who she was refering to, unfortuanally the baby was born this week and didn't make it due to problems so keep the family in your thoughts please.

All in all it was a productive time and there has been no more problems, Nick still loves his teacher and she hasn't let our minor conflict jade her view of him or his abilities.

 

[terryl965]

Byland that is great that you was able to get everything done in your timeframe and cudos for standing up for your rights as a parent.
Terry

 

[bydand]

I am steaming mad about your situation. The straw for me is denying your son his morning snack. That is cruel. The kid is 8 years old for cryin out loud. It's terrible that he has gone from loving school to hating it. And all due to one teacher.

This past week has been a change for my son. She has mellowed quite a bit and has gotten back on track of teaching the kids and not riding them for "wrongs" commited, so he is back to liking school. He has always had great things to say about her, but now looks forward to going to school in the morning. I think it was just a poison atomsphere and he didn't really know what was wrong, just didn't like going there.

I have a great amount of respect for teachers. They have a tremendous impact on our children. I will always support my children's teachers within reason. This teacher is being unreasonable. It sounds like she hates her job and takes it out on the kids. How does a kid manage to LEARN in an enviroment like that? I am not one of those parents who thinks my kids can do no wrong and no matter what the teacher says my child will be right. No. If my child is out of line I support the teacher. My children have to abide by school rules and respect their teachers. This is a different matter IMO.

Good luck to you and your son getting it worked out. I doubt you will be able to change the teacher. She is unhappy in her position or has personal issues she is bringing into class. Perhaps the best thing to do is request a new homeroom for your son.

Couldn't agree more with almost the whole statement. I also am one who knows my kids do NOT walk around banging their halo's into things. All 4 of my boys are active, independant, and have a zest for life; great traits in general, but hard for them to reign in their energy sometime. As for being unhappy in her position, I also thought so, until I saw her classroom. Geared toward the students all the way and a very inviting appearing room. Personal issues, yes, as I pointed out in the prior post she was dealing with some major personal stress, but she has addressed how she was bringing it into the classroom very well. This past week has been a night and day difference so far. (crossing fingers it stays this way)