Momma Bears

[Rob Broad]

I am bringing this threadin from a forum I used to help run.

How do the instructors here deal with Moma Bear Syndrome. You kow the mothers that think their kid can do no wrong, encourages them to hit the other kids hard and the goes ballistic when their precious little darling get tagged back. The school I train at has this, we have a 160 pound 10 year old that loves to bully the other kids, his mother shouts for him to hit the other kids when sparring, and if her her precious gets hit back half as hard as he hits she gors nuts screaming at the other child, their parents and the school owner.

Last sparring class she was shouting away and I warned her to be quiet when she did not I disqualified her child. To say she went ballistic was a mild understatement. She threatened to pull her child from class if I assisted the childrens classes anymore. The sad thing is the guy who owns the school is really hurting to keep the school open with the economy in the area. I have no problem not teaching the kids classes anymore but, I hate her thinking she has that kind of power at the school.

My first thought is pull the money together to buy out the schoo just so I can show her the door. I have also thought of paying the monthly tutition that all the other students except me pay(because I teach as much as the school owner)and going in to teach the next klids class to see what she will do. My third idea is just lay the ultimatium to the owner of the school, he can bow to her and let her control the kids class, and I find another place to train or he can tell to shut up, and maybe her kid won't turn out to be such a putz if he has to doas he is told.

How would you handle this situation?

 

[Jade Tigress]

I am bringing this threadin from a forum I used to help run.

How do the instructors here deal with Moma Bear Syndrome. You kow the mothers that think their kid can do no wrong, encourages them to hit the other kids hard and the goes ballistic when their precious little darling get tagged back. The school I train at has this, we have a 160 pound 10 year old that loves to bully the other kids, his mother shouts for him to hit the other kids when sparring, and if her her precious gets hit back half as hard as he hits she gors nuts screaming at the other child, their parents and the school owner.

Last sparring class she was shouting away and I warned her to be quiet when she did not I disqualified her child. To say she went ballistic was a mild understatement. She threatened to pull her child from class if I assisted the childrens classes anymore. The sad thing is the guy who owns the school is really hurting to keep the school open with the economy in the area. I have no problem not teaching the kids classes anymore but, I hate her thinking she has that kind of power at the school.

My first thought is pull the money together to buy out the schoo just so I can show her the door. I have also thought of paying the monthly tutition that all the other students except me pay(because I teach as much as the school owner)and going in to teach the next klids class to see what she will do. My third idea is just lay the ultimatium to the owner of the school, he can bow to her and let her control the kids class, and I find another place to train or he can tell to shut up, and maybe her kid won't turn out to be such a putz if he has to doas he is told.

How would you handle this situation?

Tough situation. Parents like this are always hard to deal with. It's a disservice to the other students and to the child of the difficult parent. I think the best thing in situations like this is to revoke the membership of the child.

When any bully, adult or child, finds that technique to work they continue to do it. The parent and child need to learn what is acceptable behavior and what is not. If people who behave like this lose enough privledges maybe they'll start learning acceptable social behavior.

True, the school owner will lose one paying student but will keep many happier paying students. I don't know how long this kid has been attending but I wouldn't expect other parents to keep their children in that enviroment for very long. Since the mother didn't respond favorably to the disqualification you gave her child, then a warning of membership loss upon the next incident could be given.

If there is not already a set of classroom behavior rules maybe something could be typed up. Or maybe implement a rule that any parent who wants to watch class from inside the room must remain quiet or wait in the hall. Learning a martial art should be considered a privledge. It's hard to kick someone out when $$ are tight but the owner stands to lose more $$ in the long run if if he doesn't, there's also the possiblity of the owners liability if he allows it to continue and another child is seriously hurt when this kid is pounding on them because of his mother's instruction. JMO...

:asian:

 

[Martial Tucker]

I am bringing this threadin from a forum I used to help run.

How do the instructors here deal with Moma Bear Syndrome. You kow the mothers that think their kid can do no wrong, encourages them to hit the other kids hard and the goes ballistic when their precious little darling get tagged back. The school I train at has this, we have a 160 pound 10 year old that loves to bully the other kids, his mother shouts for him to hit the other kids when sparring, and if her her precious gets hit back half as hard as he hits she gors nuts screaming at the other child, their parents and the school owner.

Last sparring class she was shouting away and I warned her to be quiet when she did not I disqualified her child. To say she went ballistic was a mild understatement. She threatened to pull her child from class if I assisted the childrens classes anymore. The sad thing is the guy who owns the school is really hurting to keep the school open with the economy in the area. I have no problem not teaching the kids classes anymore but, I hate her thinking she has that kind of power at the school.

My first thought is pull the money together to buy out the schoo just so I can show her the door. I have also thought of paying the monthly tutition that all the other students except me pay(because I teach as much as the school owner)and going in to teach the next klids class to see what she will do. My third idea is just lay the ultimatium to the owner of the school, he can bow to her and let her control the kids class, and I find another place to train or he can tell to shut up, and maybe her kid won't turn out to be such a putz if he has to doas he is told.

How would you handle this situation?

Rob,

I have seen this before, and if your school Master/owner doesnt put a stop to it, I think it tells you he is more interested in money than in a quality experience for you. BTW, The "Mama Bear" syndrome is NOT limited to just women. I've seen blowhard dads do the same thing while they talk about their former experience as a boxer, bouncer, or whatever. Several years ago, we had a mom pressure our teacher to promote her "little darling" faster. She was from a very wealthy family. Our teacher basically told her that he didnt care that she had "more money than God", but he promoted students on HIS schedule and if she didnt like it she could take a hike. I knew right then I was in the right school for me.

 

[kenpo tiger]

We don't have this problem to a great degree. Most of the parents do stay to watch class, and some are "Little League" parents, leaning over the half-wall, shouting instructions to their kids. They are all good kids, so they are polite to their parents and try to listen to them as they are trying to do what they've been asked by us -- and that includes the Master. Usually there's a lot of eye-rolling on the part of the kids, and under-the-breath comments to the effect of "he only thinks he knows this form/tech." Of course, since they're kids, there's no dialogue with their parents re: "how could you embarrass me in front of everyone?"

We have a rule, which the kids know, that if they are acting inappropriately during a drill, they must sit until the drill is finished. And, if they are a member of a team and they act out, THE ENTIRE TEAM sits because of his misbehavior. Works every time because the kids understand. There have been only two Momma Bears who have flown into a rage, and I calmly but firmly told them they should tell the school owner. In fact, I will report it myself, if you like, since when he's not in the school and I'm teaching, I give him a progress report anyway. Upon checking with him, neither Momma Bear had said anything to him.

Adults should not live vicariously through their children. They've lived their lives. :asian: KT

btw - the kids in our school don't spar until they are 18 or 19. I agree with this, having seen five year old girls get bloodied at a tournament for the greater glory of another school I attended. Is another trophy worth that?:samurai:

 

[Martial Tucker]

Adults should not live vicariously through their children. They've lived their lives. :asian: KT

:samurai:

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, KT!!

 

[Rob Broad]

Eventually he started dating the woman, who suprisingly was a single woman. I was told not come into help childrens classes anymore. She started lessons, and was tested in private, and no one was allowed to question her abiliites. Eventually her and I had words one night when she tore a strip off to green belt candidates while she was an orange belt. I was asked not to return to teach, but was asked to come in and do 1 last seminar for a select group of students. She is now a Blue belt, and the school closed, it was relocated in a new town, closer to her house. None of the people who were students when she joined are still training there, they were all chased away. It has become the big joke of the region.

 

[Martial Tucker]

Eventually he started dating the woman, who suprisingly was a single woman. I was told not come into help childrens classes anymore. She started lessons, and was tested in private, and no one was allowed to question her abiliites. Eventually her and I had words one night when she tore a strip off to green belt candidates while she was an orange belt. I was asked not to return to teach, but was asked to come in and do 1 last seminar for a select group of students. She is now a Blue belt, and the school closed, it was relocated in a new town, closer to her house. None of the people who were students when she joined are still training there, they were all chased away. It has become the big joke of the region.

I'll bet she WAS tested in private......

 

[kenpo tiger]

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, KT!!

Thanks, Martial Tucker. As you can tell, this is a topic that gets me going. I love the kids I teach and I want them to have the best experience possible. KT

 

[kenpo tiger]

Eventually he started dating the woman, who suprisingly was a single woman. I was told not come into help childrens classes anymore. She started lessons, and was tested in private, and no one was allowed to question her abiliites. Eventually her and I had words one night when she tore a strip off to green belt candidates while she was an orange belt. I was asked not to return to teach, but was asked to come in and do 1 last seminar for a select group of students. She is now a Blue belt, and the school closed, it was relocated in a new town, closer to her house. None of the people who were students when she joined are still training there, they were all chased away. It has become the big joke of the region.

n.b.: See the Dating in the Dojo thread in General Talk. KT

 

[Rob Broad]

n.b.: See the Dating in the Dojo thread in General Talk. KT

Actually I amde a post in that thread a very long time ago. I met my wife in the dojo, but refused to be her teacher as soon as there were and feeling developing.

 

[Rob Broad]

Another good thread that is related to this topic is http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211&highlight=Dojo+Darlings

 

[OULobo]

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo. . . . stuff like this really torques my chaps. . . . no . . . . chaps my . . . . no . . . . torques my . . . . well anyway, it ticks me off. It's just an example of why I am starting to think that MAs should never be a business.

 

[terryl965]

Well here at are school we allow parents to watch and be active in other way's, so they feel they are contributing with there kids.We do not allow them to bark out ant instructions while there kids are on the floor, when we have sleep over they get to volenteer, when we do outing they get to contribrute in other ways.I simply tell them you pay me to instruct so let me do my job, I promise not to come to your place of business and start to tell you what to do... GOD BLESS AMERICA

 

[LadyDragon]

We've had a similar problem at the school were I teach except its a dad not a mom. He's real tough on his son and we've even had problems with him at tournaments.

Unfortunately we had to ask him to stop coming to watch the sparring classes because of the same situation. He would tell his son to do things like if he were the one teaching the class. Needless to say, he doesn't come to the classes any more. But I'm going to hate to see the next tournament we go to.

 

[OC Kid]

Tough and touchy situation especially since the owner has the calientes for the momma....
Sometimes like in any other job you have to take the bad with the good. In this case discuss it with the owner. let him handle it.

Its his school, his rep and his dollars he wont be getting because of this nag. Its his business.

If it was my school I would have a talk with her give her a couple of chances then ask her not to attend the classes and worse case give her money back and send her to a rival school. let her drive his student to you.