It takes a thief!!

[Jdokan]

I could really use some ideas here. I have my own opinion that I will hold until I hear from you folks..
Here's the situation...
A 13 year old boy working for my son doing basic landscaping, takes a break and comes to the house for a drink. Picks up a laser pen plays with it and apparently pockets it (it can't be found anywhere along the path which he came in). NowI have as yet to confront him and that will happen (this just happened late this afternoon). He is a lonely kid, there is nobody around for him to play with. He & his mom are living with his grandparents...
What would a course of action be?
Ask questions please...

 

[Kacey]

I could really use some ideas here. I have my own opinion that I will hold until I hear from you folks..
Here's the situation...
A 13 year old boy working for my son doing basic landscaping, takes a break and comes to the house for a drink. Picks up a laser pen plays with it and apparently pockets it (it can't be found anywhere along the path which he came in). NowI have as yet to confront him and that will happen (this just happened late this afternoon). He is a lonely kid, there is nobody around for him to play with. He & his mom are living with his grandparents...
What would a course of action be?
Ask questions please...

First - do you have proof this boy took the laser pen, or is it just missing? I can understand why you may think he took it - but unless you can prove it, you can't do anything... and how would you feel if you did something and later found the laser pen behind a piece of furniture or something? So the first thing you need to do is prove he took the laser pen.

In addition, if you accuse him without proof - based on "it was there, he went in the house, it was gone" and "he's lonely, no dad, lives with mom and grandparents" - what happens if you're wrong? I'm not saying you're wrong - you're there, and have a much better idea than I do whether or not this boy really took this pen - but if you have no proof, you can't really do anything direct. If you have any doubt - or a lack of proof - you could try asking him if he's seen it; if he did take it, that lets him know, in a non-confrontational way, that you're aware it's missing, and could put a damper on future items "walking away".

Second - if you do manage to find proof he took the laser pen (either someone saw him, or you find him with it), the you need to talk to the boy, first alone, and then with his mother and/or grandparents. Part of the discussion needs to include finding out why he took it; part needs to be reparation - not paying for the pen, but some form of service to the owner of the pen - maybe free labor.

Third - you need to make him understand that further infractions will have greater penalties, and that they will include potential police action.

However, I cannot say this enough - do not accuse this boy if you cannot prove it. No matter how sure you are that he took it, if you can't prove it, you could still be wrong. A woman I babysat for in high school accused one of my friends, who babysat on a night I was busy, of taking a necklace from her dresser. She looked everywhere - move the dressed, emptied all the drawers, pulled the bed out, everywhere she could think of... in the end, she called the police and accused my friend of theft. Because there was no proof, the charges were eventually dropped. About a year later, the woman moved, and had to pack everything - and found her necklace in the bottom of her daughter's toy chest; the 3 year-old had used it for dress-up and never knew mom was looking for it.

 

[tshadowchaser]

Not being there it is impossible for me to know what happened to the pen but you might on casual conversation with the boy mention that you seemed to have misplaced the pen and ask if he happened to see it or if he can remembers seeing it you would appreciate the information on where it might be. This gives him a chance to "come clean" with out getting himself in to much trouble.
Now being as you are on this forum how about asking him if he is interested in the martial arts or learning the art you are in. Offer to take him to the school maybe or teach him as a private student. NO i am not suggesting you beat the hell out of him, I am suggesting that he may benefit from the discipline of the arts and might turn out to be a good student

 

[bydand]

Cannot say it any better than tshadowchaser did, but I can agree 100% with his approach. Sounds like a reasonable course of action.

 

[Jdokan]

Thank you all so much!! I 100% agree with each of you and that was my intent. Seemingly always at the "@#$.end of the stick" due to an older brother I only wish my father gave me options...
My plan is to state the facts...that will leave him 2 choices lie or tell the truth. I cannot control or worry about it, he will have to answer to his own inner feelings...I was planning to offer him the opportunity to workout in my personal dojo. He had shown interest yesterday while I was doing some cleaning in the dojo. At the time he inquired I expressed that this dojo was very personal only open to a special few....my thought was to impress on him that this is something special....Should he take me up on lessons I'm hoping that over time he will learn what we all did..the full aspect of the arts.
Honor, Justice, Character, etc....In time he will confess, I'm very comfortable with that as I said I think this is a good young man...he just needs guidance.

Again thank You!
Yours In Kenpo
Jeff,

 

[jks9199]

Not being there it is impossible for me to know what happened to the pen but you might on casual conversation with the boy mention that you seemed to have misplaced the pen and ask if he happened to see it or if he can remembers seeing it you would appreciate the information on where it might be. This gives him a chance to "come clean" with out getting himself in to much trouble.
Now being as you are on this forum how about asking him if he is interested in the martial arts or learning the art you are in. Offer to take him to the school maybe or teach him as a private student. NO i am not suggesting you beat the hell out of him, I am suggesting that he may benefit from the discipline of the arts and might turn out to be a good student

I agree; right now you have a strong circumstantial case that the kid knows what happened to the laser pen -- but that's not the same as him stealing it. He could have simply laid it down somewhere you haven't looked -- or even innocently but absentmindedly pocketed it. And I'd suggest approaching it along those lines. If you were to confront him along a "did you take it..." line -- it's automatically confrontational, and he may back himself into a corner. If you leave him an out that saves face, he may "look around" or "check his pockets" and "discover" it...

Remedial work depends on his character...