Is there something wrong with me?

[amateur]

You DID break the rules. You took someone else's work, modified it somewhat, and presented it as your own. I don't know the rules there -- but, at a bare minimum, I would think that just maybe they expected you to get permission before rewriting someone else's work and presenting it as your own. Again -- failing to understand this suggests deeper issues than you understand.

I did not present it as my own. I clearly typed that it was the remake of another story. And I don't understand why, after they warned me and locked the thread and I did not react, a few days later, without me having remade any other stories, they remembered that again and banned me for plagiarism.
And, another time, on a forum, I was banned for two weeks, but, after the end of the two weeks, when I tried to login, I saw the perma ban message. Then why didn't they perma ban me in the first place? Why did they made me believe it would be over in two weeks?
I consider these erratic changes of behaviour inexplicable. But maybe they are totally explicable among 'normal people', maybe they are part of some behavioral patterns among normal people that are so obviously right and logical that everybody is expected to know, so the fact that I don't know them means that I am so stupid that there is no need to even bother explaining them to me, which is why they never replied to my appeals and even my parents, when I was little and got mad at me and spanked me and I was like 'what did I do', they looked at me with contempt and answered 'if you still haven't understood what you have done, you are brainless, please don't talk to me' and, when I was about to ask them again, they would yell 'shut up, don't talk at all.'

 

[_Simon_]

I did not present it as my own. I clearly typed that it was the remake of another story. And I don't understand why, after they warned me and locked the thread and I did not react, a few days later, without me having remade any other stories, they remembered that again and banned me for plagiarism.
And, another time, on a forum, I was banned for two weeks, but, after the end of the two weeks, when I tried to login, I saw the perma ban message. Then why didn't they perma ban me in the first place? Why did they made me believe it would be over in two weeks?
I consider these erratic changes of behaviour inexplicable. But maybe they are totally explicable among 'normal people', maybe they are part of some behavioral patterns among normal people that are so obviously right and logical that everybody is expected to know, so the fact that I don't know them means that I am so stupid that there is no need to even bother explaining them to me, which is why they never replied to my appeals and even my parents, when I was little and got mad at me and spanked me and I was like 'what did I do', they looked at me with contempt and answered 'if you still haven't understood what you have done, you are brainless, please don't talk to me' and, when I was about to ask them again, they would yell 'shut up, don't talk at all.'

There's nothing wrong with you mate, I'll just say that first!

But I've noticed that whenever something keeps happening as a pattern, there's a reason for it. And when we hold onto long-standing beliefs about ourselves they tend to manifest in our life. Over and over, until they're resolved. They literally become our reality and experience until there comes a time when we're over it, and have the willingness to question whether there's a better way.

Sounds like you're starting to recognise that, and especially your experience with your parents would have had a big influence. Not that it is their 'fault', as they were simply doing the best they can, but it would have reinforced a belief that there must be something wrong with you, and that you're brainless and don't know what you did wrong. It sounds like a rough thing to deal with... especially as you actually asked what it was and they didn't tell you. It can often lead to you just projecting onto yourself directly, so because you have no action to associate the guilt with and therefore learn from, you maybe have put it on yourself, as though "there must be something wrong with me then...".

It can be quite a deep belief system, and I have a similar one that I've had to work through. It's the feeling that I'll get it wrong, stuff it up, and leads to a lack of confidence and general fear of everyone around you and of approaching life.

We've all got our stuff mate, you're not alone in that, but the fact that you're aware of it is already a massive deal and a big step. Awareness is key for you to deal with it, to see how it influences your life, but more importantly how it makes you feel subjectively every moment of the day. The pattern constantly re-emerging is a sign that it's time and the perfect opportunity for you to deal with it. So good news paradoxically

A therapist would be a great help to work through that, or just a really good friend you can just blurt out anything with.


(Also as a side note, sometimes when forum admin put a temporary ban on someone, they will go back and review their posts, and then often enough they can make an informed decision as to whether to ban them. It's not that they change their minds arbitrarily nor erratically, but that they take their time to review things)

 

[amateur]

There's nothing wrong with you mate, I'll just say that first!

But I've noticed that whenever something keeps happening as a pattern, there's a reason for it. And when we hold onto long-standing beliefs about ourselves they tend to manifest in our life. Over and over, until they're resolved. They literally become our reality and experience until there comes a time when we're over it, and have the willingness to question whether there's a better way.

Sounds like you're starting to recognise that, and especially your experience with your parents would have had a big influence. Not that it is their 'fault', as they were simply doing the best they can, but it would have reinforced a belief that there must be something wrong with you, and that you're brainless and don't know what you did wrong. It sounds like a rough thing to deal with... especially as you actually asked what it was and they didn't tell you. It can often lead to you just projecting onto yourself directly, so because you have no action to associate the guilt with and therefore learn from, you maybe have put it on yourself, as though "there must be something wrong with me then...".

It can be quite a deep belief system, and I have a similar one that I've had to work through. It's the feeling that I'll get it wrong, stuff it up, and leads to a lack of confidence and general fear of everyone around you and of approaching life.

We've all got our stuff mate, you're not alone in that, but the fact that you're aware of it is already a massive deal and a big step. Awareness is key for you to deal with it, to see how it influences your life, but more importantly how it makes you feel subjectively every moment of the day. The pattern constantly re-emerging is a sign that it's time and the perfect opportunity for you to deal with it. So good news paradoxically

A therapist would be a great help to work through that, or just a really good friend you can just blurt out anything with.


(Also as a side note, sometimes when forum admin put a temporary ban on someone, they will go back and review their posts, and then often enough they can make an informed decision as to whether to ban them. It's not that they change their minds arbitrarily nor erratically, but that they take their time to review things)

Gosh! Everything is happening again. As I said before, there is the 'annoyance phase' before I'm banned. During the annoyance phase, most members are annoyed by me but there are also a few that try to show understanding like you do right now.
For instance, one time,on a forum about religions, I was trying to open my heart and there were some people indeed who were like 'whoah, I'm sorry you're pushed so hard', yet that didn't prevent the following message from showing up: 'You are perma banned for being a troll. Have a nice day!' and, of course, they never replied my appeals. History repeats itself. I can recognize all signs. The annoyance phase is progressing normally. I know I'll be banned from here sooner or later. Just ban me already to save time.

BTW, I don't trust therapists. I used to attend one but, essentially, he told me the same stuff that everybody else told me. The same stuff that I could tell myself as well but I could not act on. Great job! Those smartmouths are paid a fortune (100 euros per visit) to tell you what literally EVERYBODY else would tell you. Stay away from them, they only want your money, they couldn't care less about whether you are treated or not; I think they might even want you to stay like that so that you keep visiting them and they keep receiving 100 euros per visit. Keep this piece of advice from me to remember me by when I have got banned.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Gosh! Everything is happening again. As I said before, there is the 'annoyance phase' before I'm banned. During the annoyance phase, most members are annoyed by me but there are also a few that try to show understanding like you do right now.
For instance, one time,on a forum about religions, I was trying to open my heart and there were some people indeed who were like 'whoah, I'm sorry you're pushed so hard', yet that didn't prevent the following message from showing up: 'You are perma banned for being a troll. Have a nice day!' and, of course, they never replied my appeals. History repeats itself. I can recognize all signs. The annoyance phase is progressing normally. I know I'll be banned from here sooner or later. Just ban me already to save time.

BTW, I don't trust therapists. I used to attend one but, essentially, he told me the same stuff that everybody else told me. The same stuff that I could tell myself as well but I could not act on. Great job! Those smartmouths are paid a fortune (100 euros per visit) to tell you what literally EVERYBODY else would tell you. Stay away from them, they only want your money, they couldn't care less about whether you are treated or not; I think they might even want you to stay like that so that you keep visiting them and they keep receiving 100 euros per visit. Keep this piece of advice from me to remember me by when I have got banned.

Just FYI, as a therapist, I would talk to you very differently then how I am on this site if you were one of my clients.

As for the rest of it- we would ban you if you made everything religious/political, or made a challenge match-none of which you've done. You didn't respond to my question, but and again *as a therapist* I would engage you to help you ascertain if this is the case on your own, but my guess is you don't think about the other person before you speak or type.

You stated that someone asked you to move aside and you refused and cursed her out. Not the biggest thing in the world, but your emotions acted-thinking it through, is asking a stranger to move so you can reach a book something to curse them out about?

With the story on the writing forum-you didn't answer me but I'm going to assume you don't understand why what you did was wrong. If you think what someone wrote needs improvement in whatever sense (and in general in life you should follow this): think: "Does it need to be addressed?" If so "Does it need to be addressed by me?" Let's say your answer to both is yes. Even then, the appropriate response would not be to remake someone's worth, without their permission, and post it on that site. If you felt you needed to rewrite it, the appropriate thing would be to message the person, explain why you feel it should be re-written, and ask if it's okay that you do so. But before that, give them the option to rewrite knowing the critique. As someone who writes in his free time, I would hate to find out someone re-wrote my stories to fix holes I didn't even know I had.

Now my other question: You stated that you went to a therapist, but 'he told you the same stuff you could not act on'. What was it that he recommended you change, and why could you not change it? If you can understand that, the chances are that you can figure out what your issue is.

Finally: don't assume any therapist is in it for the money. Most therapists I know are smart/capable enough to work in a more lucrative field. We actively choose not to, in order to help people. I could go into more detail about that, and if you truly believe therapists are in it for the money send me a message and I will. But i promise you most of us are choosing a field with little income in order to help people.

 

[_Simon_]

History repeats itself. I can recognize all signs. The annoyance phase is progressing normally. I know I'll be banned from here sooner or later. Just ban me already to save time.

History repeats itself for a reason, but you're now expecting it to happen, which it will as a result if you continue that belief. There's a big energetic/karmic component to all this I won't go into, but things will continue until the cycle is broken.

I understand it's frustrating... but I think it's one of the most empowering things to take responsibility for yourself. Of course you can't change others, but taking responsibility for your current mindset is the first step to any sort of shift. Shifting out of the victim mindset is important, as you're not the victim. But in saying that, I'm not saying "it's all your fault", it's not about blame at all, but you can always look into your mindset, and really question your beliefs and how you view yourself, and work slowly with yourself in letting them go. Be patient with yourself.

BTW, I don't trust therapists. I used to attend one but, essentially, he told me the same stuff that everybody else told me. The same stuff that I could tell myself as well but I could not act on. Great job! Those smartmouths are paid a fortune (100 euros per visit) to tell you what literally EVERYBODY else would tell you. Stay away from them, they only want your money, they couldn't care less about whether you are treated or not; I think they might even want you to stay like that so that you keep visiting them and they keep receiving 100 euros per visit. Keep this piece of advice from me to remember me by when I have got banned.

Fair enough you don't trust therapists, but the thought that all therapists couldn't care less about you, and are only about getting money, is really not true in the slightest. Seriously. There are some incredible people out there doing some amazing work. And having seen multiple therapists over time, my experience has been the opposite to yours.

Like kempodisciple said, why couldn't you act on it? Willingness to me is the crux of it all (which no one else can give you), you have to be truly over these patterns to be willing to want a different life.

And myself being a trained counsellor, our tutor taught us first and foremost, that our job was to basically make sure that the person didn't come back to you. In other words, assist them to be in a place that they are healing, are self-empowered and no longer need a counsellor. Which I thought was really nice.


How did you feel about what I said in the last post though? Did it stir up anything?

 

[Bruce7]

I don't think my bans are a matter of rule breaking. I made it for a few weeks/months on every forum I was banned from until, one day, I saw the 'banned' message. I didn't suddenly change my behaviour after a few weeks nor do I think I accidentally break a rule after a while; I guess people just get tired of me after a while, the annoyance I cause them slowly builds up until they stop talking to me (real life) or ban me (internet).
There was even a case where I stayed in a forum for months without a single person feeling annoyed. They all seemed to be getting along with me. I believed that, like Ugly Duckling, I had finally found a place where I can belong and I typed in a post: 'Thanks guys, you're the only people who have no problem with my character. On any other forum I have ever been on, I get banned after a while.' Then, a member replied (sarcastically?): 'I can't imagine why.' The next day, I saw the usual perma ban message for no reason and I sent many appeals trying to figure out what had happened all of sudden, but nobody ever replied.
A strange thing I forgot to mention is that, sometimes, they seem to be giving me a second chance, but, right after that, before I can do anything else, they decide not to give me a second chance after all.
For instance, one time, I was standing in a bookshop's corridor reading a book and a customer asked me to move aside so that she could pass but I didn't and told her the F word. A few days later, in the same bookshop, the owner approached and said 'If you ever harass customers again, you are banned from the shop.' I was about to say 'ok' or something but, the very next moment, before I could even respond, he said 'Actually, you know what, leave already. You are banned. Leave and don't show up in my shop ever again.' Regardless of whether it was polite of me to use the F word, I can't explain why one moment the owner just warned me he would ban me if I repeated that kind of behaviour and, the very next moment, he changed his mind and banned me.
Another time, on a forum with M rated stories/fanfictions, I was like 'this guy's story could use some improvement', so I wrote a remake of it and posted it and the mods locked the thread and were like 'plagiarism is a reason for ban; don't do it again'. I shrugged and was like 'ok', even though what I did was not exactly plagiarism (I had clearly written the word 'remake' in my story's title). A few days passed without me remaking other stories, until, one day, I saw the message: 'You're banned/Reason: Plagiarism/Date the ban expires: Never'.

I would have kicked you out too, using the f word to a women is total unacceptable how can you not know this?

 

[pdg]

I would have kicked you out too, using the f word to a women is total unacceptable how can you not know this?

It's no more or less acceptable than using it 'to' anyone else, male or female...

 

[drop bear]

I swear at babies.

 

[Dirty Dog]

I would have kicked you out too, using the f word to a women is total unacceptable how can you not know this?

Actually, gender is irrelevant. If you're blocking an aisle in a store and someone asks to get by, dropping f-bombs is just inappropriate.

 

[Bruce7]

It's no more or less acceptable than using it 'to' anyone else, male or female...

In my family we were taught this language was unacceptable, but in the navy a lot of men spoke that way, but they did not speak that way to women. IMO it should be unacceptable to everyone, but it is just wrong to speak to women this way.

 

[Bruce7]

I am sorry, I should not have let myself get sucked into the bookstore story.

Most people would never tell the bookstore story on them self. Most of us tell stories to make us look good to get good attention.
The only reason to tell bad stories on your self is you need attention so badly, you do not care if it is good or bad attention so long as you get attention. I hope you decide to find ways to get good attention and stay away from things gives you bad attention, because good attention should make you happier.

There was a lot of supportive feedback given, like Buka, CB, etc., why not respond positively back to them.

 

[pdg]

Actually, gender is irrelevant. If you're blocking an aisle in a store and someone asks to get by, dropping f-bombs is just inappropriate.

Depends how they ask to get by...

If they say "excuse me, can I get past please?" Then yeah, "f off" isn't a suitable response.

However, if they're like "shift yer effing **** ya little c" well, then equal opportunities legislation would apply.

In my family we were taught this language was unacceptable, but in the navy a lot of men spoke that way, but they did not speak that way to women. IMO it should be unacceptable to everyone, but it is just wrong to speak to women this way.

You should come visit, I can take you places where the women would make your ears bleed with their language - then after a bit of acclimatisation I'll introduce you to some military women


Seriously, partitioning due to gender is not relevant - women aren't delicate flowers that need protection from the corruption of bad language.

 

[spidersam]

Depends how they ask to get by...

If they say "excuse me, can I get past please?" Then yeah, "f off" isn't a suitable response.

However, if they're like "shift yer effing **** ya little c" well, then equal opportunities legislation would apply.



You should come visit, I can take you places where the women would make your ears bleed with their language - then after a bit of acclimatisation I'll introduce you to some military women


Seriously, partitioning due to gender is not relevant - women aren't delicate flowers that need protection from the corruption of bad language.

I’ll add this. It’s a nice courtesy. I generally don’t like or use high level cussing and appreciate when others don’t too. But when someone apologizes for cursing in front of me, and I can only speak for myself, it’s just a minute of awkwardness where I have to say no it’s fine I don’t care and would have rather just continued the conversation. Kind of like when someone’s holding the door for you from far away so you have to awkwardly jog so they don’t stand there waiting. Lol. All in good intentions though and always appreciated.

 

[pdg]

I’ll add this. It’s a nice courtesy. I generally don’t like or use high level cussing and appreciate when others don’t too. But when someone apologizes for cursing in front of me, and I can only speak for myself, it’s just a minute of awkwardness where I have to say no it’s fine I don’t care and would have rather just continued the conversation. Kind of like when someone’s holding the door for you from far away so you have to awkwardly jog so they don’t stand there waiting. Lol. All in good intentions though and always appreciated.

I don't mind what words are used if they're used in context.

I won't link to it, but a search for "Stephen Fry on swearing" explains it better than I can.

 

[Bruce7]

Depends how they ask to get by...

If they say "excuse me, can I get past please?" Then yeah, "f off" isn't a suitable response.

However, if they're like "shift yer effing **** ya little c" well, then equal opportunities legislation would apply.



You should come visit, I can take you places where the women would make your ears bleed with their language - then after a bit of acclimatisation I'll introduce you to some military women


Seriously, partitioning due to gender is not relevant - women aren't delicate flowers that need protection from the corruption of bad language.

I am just old, I did not care for my son's language when he got out of the Coast Guard and it is true he said women in the Coast Guard spoke the same way, that was hard to get my head around. It was 3 or 4 years before his language became better.
But then again my wife's mother never cussed, until she was in her 80's and then she cussed a lot.

 

[amateur]

Now my other question: You stated that you went to a therapist, but 'he told you the same stuff you could not act on'. What was it that he recommended you change, and why could you not change it? If you can understand that, the chances are that you can figure out what your issue is.

There was a period during which I behaved badly; I had figured that, since I'm no likeable anyway, I might as well cut loose and do what I want. The 'F word' incident happened during that period.
People around me told me general stuff ('be more polite', 'smile' etc). But I could not. When I went to a psychiatrist, after many sessions and medicines which he prescribed and I took, he was like 'you should be more polite, smile etc'. I said 'I can't' and he said 'that's the problem; you must find the willpower to do it'. Well, that was basically what everybody else had been telling me. Whether it was my fault that I did not find the willpower is another story, but why did I have to attend that guy for months and give him thousands of euros just so that he would come to the same conclusion that random people did in 5 minutes? That's why I will never trust a therapist again.
Many years later, I calmed down, somehow, dunno how. And I stopped being that rude. But that was not due to the therapist. In any case, it is still a fact that nobody will ever like me no matter how I behave. That old woman who said 'humans are born, not made' was right. There is something in myself that makes me unlikeable and I cannot change it because humans are born, not made; likewise, I was born a jerk and I can do nothing about it.
I know I'll be banned from here, sooner or later. You might think you'll only ban me if I break a rule, but I guarantee you I don't have to break a rule for the inevitable to happen. Someday, the annoyance built up will be so great that you'll just ban me 'for no reason' (as the perma ban messages I saw in the past said).
There was even a forum where I stayed for months without anyone ever feeling annoyed. On the contrary, they seemed to like me. And, when I posted 'Thanks guys. On all other forums I have been, they ban me after a while,' someone said 'I can't imagine why.' Next day, I was perma banned! I was like 'WHAA....' I posted countless appeals, trying to figure out what I had done wrong this time. The mods did not grace me with a single word!
Now, seeing the signs here, I have realized that there is nothing I can do to prevent the same thing from happening here. I am born an unlikeable person. This is just the way I am and I have to at last accept this reality. So I will stop caring.

 

[skribs]

since I'm no likeable anyway, I might as well cut loose and do what I want. The 'F word' incident happened during that period.

You realize that you have a problem relating to people. Your two options are:

1. Work on better relating to people
2. Completely abandon any pretense of trying to relate to people

You chose option 2, and by your post seemingly chose it willingly. Are you then surprised by the outcome?

You say you can do nothing about it. That's an excuse. It's a lie you tell yourself so that you don't have to change. And, to be perfectly blunt - that is what's holding you back. Nobody is inherently unlikeable. Everyone starts off as a jerk. Being sociable is a learned behavior. You just need to stop saying "I can't" and start looking at "how I can."

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

There was a period during which I behaved badly; I had figured that, since I'm no likeable anyway, I might as well cut loose and do what I want. The 'F word' incident happened during that period.
People around me told me general stuff ('be more polite', 'smile' etc). But I could not. When I went to a psychiatrist, after many sessions and medicines which he prescribed and I took, he was like 'you should be more polite, smile etc'. I said 'I can't' and he said 'that's the problem; you must find the willpower to do it'. Well, that was basically what everybody else had been telling me. Whether it was my fault that I did not find the willpower is another story, but why did I have to attend that guy for months and give him thousands of euros just so that he would come to the same conclusion that random people did in 5 minutes? That's why I will never trust a therapist again.
Many years later, I calmed down, somehow, dunno how. And I stopped being that rude. But that was not due to the therapist. In any case, it is still a fact that nobody will ever like me no matter how I behave. That old woman who said 'humans are born, not made' was right. There is something in myself that makes me unlikeable and I cannot change it because humans are born, not made; likewise, I was born a jerk and I can do nothing about it.
I know I'll be banned from here, sooner or later. You might think you'll only ban me if I break a rule, but I guarantee you I don't have to break a rule for the inevitable to happen. Someday, the annoyance built up will be so great that you'll just ban me 'for no reason' (as the perma ban messages I saw in the past said).
There was even a forum where I stayed for months without anyone ever feeling annoyed. On the contrary, they seemed to like me. And, when I posted 'Thanks guys. On all other forums I have been, they ban me after a while,' someone said 'I can't imagine why.' Next day, I was perma banned! I was like 'WHAA....' I posted countless appeals, trying to figure out what I had done wrong this time. The mods did not grace me with a single word!
Now, seeing the signs here, I have realized that there is nothing I can do to prevent the same thing from happening here. I am born an unlikeable person. This is just the way I am and I have to at last accept this reality. So I will stop caring.

There's just about no way for me to respond to this without going into therapy-mode, which is something I do not do online. But I do want to tell you that there is a difference between what a psychiatrist and a therapist do.

 

[spidersam]

There was a period during which I behaved badly; I had figured that, since I'm no likeable anyway, I might as well cut loose and do what I want. The 'F word' incident happened during that period.
People around me told me general stuff ('be more polite', 'smile' etc). But I could not. When I went to a psychiatrist, after many sessions and medicines which he prescribed and I took, he was like 'you should be more polite, smile etc'. I said 'I can't' and he said 'that's the problem; you must find the willpower to do it'. Well, that was basically what everybody else had been telling me. Whether it was my fault that I did not find the willpower is another story, but why did I have to attend that guy for months and give him thousands of euros just so that he would come to the same conclusion that random people did in 5 minutes? That's why I will never trust a therapist again.
Many years later, I calmed down, somehow, dunno how. And I stopped being that rude. But that was not due to the therapist. In any case, it is still a fact that nobody will ever like me no matter how I behave. That old woman who said 'humans are born, not made' was right. There is something in myself that makes me unlikeable and I cannot change it because humans are born, not made; likewise, I was born a jerk and I can do nothing about it.
I know I'll be banned from here, sooner or later. You might think you'll only ban me if I break a rule, but I guarantee you I don't have to break a rule for the inevitable to happen. Someday, the annoyance built up will be so great that you'll just ban me 'for no reason' (as the perma ban messages I saw in the past said).
There was even a forum where I stayed for months without anyone ever feeling annoyed. On the contrary, they seemed to like me. And, when I posted 'Thanks guys. On all other forums I have been, they ban me after a while,' someone said 'I can't imagine why.' Next day, I was perma banned! I was like 'WHAA....' I posted countless appeals, trying to figure out what I had done wrong this time. The mods did not grace me with a single word!
Now, seeing the signs here, I have realized that there is nothing I can do to prevent the same thing from happening here. I am born an unlikeable person. This is just the way I am and I have to at last accept this reality. So I will stop caring.

I don’t know you, and I’m not a therapist. But I believe you cannot force a smile. You have to be happy, and then smile. My thoughts, find what makes you happy. You can’t pretend to be happy around others if you yourself are not. If others have been cruel to you, it will be hard to open yourself up to others. Happiness is contagious. Do what you love and focus on yourself for a while. Don’t worry about some forum online. Go outside and be happy. Others who share what you enjoy will come to you if you let them. Look at all of us here, talking to you, because we all have a similar passion. Try to find something new you love and allow it to help you forget the troubles of your past. The past will never go away. We can only choose to let it go through the joy of the present. Try to enjoy today without worrying about tomorrow. I think you may want to ask yourself to have the courage to try and build a new relationship, to have the confidence of being vulnerable to another’s judgement. This life is cruel and beautiful. Life is short, it should be simple, and it should end with a smile.

 

[skribs]

I don’t know you, and I’m not a therapist. But I believe you cannot force a smile. You have to be happy, and then smile. My thoughts, find what makes you happy. You can’t pretend to be happy around others if you yourself are not. If others have been cruel to you, it will be hard to open yourself up to others. Happiness is contagious. Do what you love and focus on yourself for a while. Don’t worry about some forum online. Go outside and be happy. Others who share what you enjoy will come to you if you let them. Look at all of us here, talking to you, because we all have a similar passion. Try to find something new you love and allow it to help you forget the troubles of your past. The past will never go away. We can only choose to let it go through the joy of the present. Try to enjoy today without worrying about tomorrow.

You obviously don't work customer service if you think you can't force a smile.

Sometimes in order to change your attitude you have to fake it until it's real.