I hurt my friend out of love...

[jks9199]

Let me see if I understand this right...

You had a friend who was being kind of stupid, punching at you. You proceed to let her punch so incorrectly that she suffers instantly a chronic injury, that may not heal for many months, and may be a recurring problem for her.

And, I suppose, you're feeling a tad guilty about that.

I think you should feel some guilt over that. A few minutes thought, and you could probably have found a much better way to teach the same lesson.

However, she also brought it on herself, and bears the ultimate responsibility. She hurt herself; you simply failed to minimize the chance of that. There does come a time with some students that you have to let them learn lessons the hard way.

A side note... You're surprised that people came to the wrong conclusion. Reread your posts. You don't give much info to judge by. Perhaps a more complete story in the first place might have avoided the confusion.

 

[MA-Caver]

Let me see if I understand this right...

You had a friend who was being kind of stupid, punching at you. You proceed to let her punch so incorrectly that she suffers instantly a chronic injury, that may not heal for many months, and may be a recurring problem for her.

And, I suppose, you're feeling a tad guilty about that.

I think you should feel some guilt over that. A few minutes thought, and you could probably have found a much better way to teach the same lesson.

However, she also brought it on herself, and bears the ultimate responsibility. She hurt herself; you simply failed to minimize the chance of that. There does come a time with some students that you have to let them learn lessons the hard way.

A side note... You're surprised that people came to the wrong conclusion. Reread your posts. You don't give much info to judge by. Perhaps a more complete story in the first place might have avoided the confusion.

While I agree that the story wasn't that informative ... give the guy a break, as he was probably writing from the top of his heart... not his head... so at least kudos for him sharing this with us and trusting us to give him whatever that he needed to deal with this. :asian:

I agree that lessons ... some lessons have to be learned hard. But it's not easy to see a friend having to go through that... it says a lot about a person who hurts when their friend hurts too. :asian:

 

[arnisador]

I think you should feel some guilt over that. A few minutes thought, and you could probably have found a much better way to teach the same lesson.

However, she also brought it on herself, and bears the ultimate responsibility.

Yes, that's pretty much how I feel. It's her fault, but there's also an element of entrapment here.

Perhaps a more complete story in the first place might have avoided the confusion.

I assumed the tease was intentional and thought it silly.

 

[Tames D]

Let me see if I understand this right...

You had a friend who was being kind of stupid, punching at you. You proceed to let her punch so incorrectly that she suffers instantly a chronic injury, that may not heal for many months, and may be a recurring problem for her.

And, I suppose, you're feeling a tad guilty about that.

I think you should feel some guilt over that. A few minutes thought, and you could probably have found a much better way to teach the same lesson.

However, she also brought it on herself, and bears the ultimate responsibility. She hurt herself; you simply failed to minimize the chance of that. There does come a time with some students that you have to let them learn lessons the hard way.

A side note... You're surprised that people came to the wrong conclusion. Reread your posts. You don't give much info to judge by. Perhaps a more complete story in the first place might have avoided the confusion.

Hey, he did it out of love...

 

[Dark Gift Concepts]

I think if you knew that what she was saying and about to do was going to be wrong and she might hurt herself, if you are a Martial Artist then knowing better you should have steered her from that train of thought.
Explained 1st why you thought what u did, maybe had her show you in slow-mo what she intended to do then correct her. But to have her do something that u knew would hurt her, even to the extent of a tennis elbow shows lack of respect and you just wanted your ego stroked and to def prove her wrong.

To hurt is the easiest thing in the world, but to heal and understand might take a lifetime.

 

[Touch Of Death]

I think if you knew that what she was saying and about to do was going to be wrong and she might hurt herself, if you are a Martial Artist then knowing better you should have steered her from that train of thought.
Explained 1st why you thought what u did, maybe had her show you in slow-mo what she intended to do then correct her. But to have her do something that u knew would hurt her, even to the extent of a tennis elbow shows lack of respect and you just wanted your ego stroked and to def prove her wrong.

To hurt is the easiest thing in the world, but to heal and understand might take a lifetime.

True, but my whole intent was to show her that she is not as capable of hurting others as she pretends to be. I guess I only thought she would temporarily hurt her hand. The elbow thing was unplanned; however, I would hate to see her try to hit someone in real life and then suffer a serious beating or death as a result. I've known her for thirty years. I just wanted her to see.
Sean

 

[Dark Gift Concepts]

True, but my whole intent was to show her that she is not as capable of hurting others as she pretends to be. I guess I only thought she would temporarily hurt her hand. The elbow thing was unplanned; however, I would hate to see her try to hit someone in real life and then suffer a serious beating or death as a result. I've known her for thirty years. I just wanted her to see.
Sean

I truley understand, but since you have trained for awhile it is always best to find the better course. Alas it is what it is and from your response you know better, so lesson learned both ways.

 

[The Last Legionary]

So, you've caused permanent injury to someone, because you wanted them to see how unskilled they were? Well, that's ****ing brilliant. Good job. Good thing it wasn't someone claiming they could fight off a rapist. I doubt the cops would believe the "I had to rape her because she said she could fight off a rapist and I had to prove her wrong, because I cared about her" bit. Some people, sheesh.

 

[Dark Gift Concepts]

So, you've caused permanent injury to someone, because you wanted them to see how unskilled they were? Well, that's ****ing brilliant. Good job. Good thing it wasn't someone claiming they could fight off a rapist. I doubt the cops would believe the "I had to rape her because she said she could fight off a rapist and I had to prove her wrong, because I cared about her" bit. Some people, sheesh.

The master has spoken...Buuuuuhhhhaaa

 

[The Last Legionary]

The master has spoken...Buuuuuhhhhaaa

No, just me. I never claim to be a master of anything. I do however know enough not to burn the village to save it.

 

[Cirdan]

Well perhaps she could have hit a bag instead but the results would have been pretty much the same.

 

[Shotgun Buddha]

Better she get an injury now in training that pops her little bubble, than have had to find out she can't punch when it really counted.
Im with Tez on this one. Over here in Ireland, most people would just consider this a bit of poetic justice.

 

[arnisador]

Better she get an injury now in training

She isn't in training, as I understand it.

 

[Tez3]

She isn't in training, as I understand it.

then it's probably time she was!

Things like this happen all the time, mistakes made, lessons learned.
One thing for sure the OP won't be sharing anything with us again as he has now been accuse of being a bully then practically a rapist. Then again 'sharing' is vastly over rated!

 

[The Last Legionary]

On the "then it's probably time she was!" part, I agree.

However I disagree with "Things like this happen all the time, mistakes made, lessons learned. ". How would you feel if you were the one hurt because your "well meaning" friend decided to show you the error of your ways? Should your instructor dislocate something on you as a correction? Break something? There are better ways, and any competent instructor will know that. Then again, is "The Trash Heap" a trained instructor, or just a student who aspires towards such "greatness"? I'm too lazy to look. :lol:

On the rest, no I didn't accuse him of being a rapist. I made a comparison to the logic of his statement. RIF!

 

[Brian King]

Sean wrote in the OP

“given her line of work, which is both security and bartending.”

And

“She does posture in public”

Somebody that does security work should not be posing and acting tough. It hurts the industry image as well as the so called professionals. A professional should understand that as the Anarchist wrote on page one, “Pain is a good teacher”. It is not the only teacher granted but it is an honest teacher and it is usually a quick teacher for example in Systema we have a saying that “a wooden floor is an honest friend” referencing learning how to roll on a hard surface and the benefits that it provides. Hopefully the female learned more than merely some body mechanics. As security it may be her job to protect customers and property, to work with others to promote safety and calmness no matter how chaotic of circumstances, it is too bad that she was injured, but, it could have been tragic had it happened while she was ‘on the job’.

Sean also wrote in the original post

” Should I have let it go so far?”

No, I do not think that he should have. I am not saying that because the female was injured (I think that the injury served a needed purpose) but I am saying that because Sean is questioning himself. He says that he feels bad and wonders if he should have let it go so far. This questioning shows in my opinion that he was not ready to injure her or allow her to injure herself at the start of the experience and now he seems to be trying to justify his actions in his own mind. Some people also like to hold on to the ‘feeling bad’ part and this might also suggest a weakness in the psyche that should be addressed. What I am trying to say and doing a poor job of it is that in order to provide honesty in any circumstances a person needs to have a strong and healthy psyche but especially so when an injury (Physical, spiritual or mental injury) may occur, otherwise two (or more) injuries may occur some of which may be self inflected.

Regards
Brian King

 

[Steve]

then it's probably time she was!

Things like this happen all the time, mistakes made, lessons learned.
One thing for sure the OP won't be sharing anything with us again as he has now been accuse of being a bully then practically a rapist. Then again 'sharing' is vastly over rated!

Tez, is there value in sharing something with people who aren't willing to give you honest feedback? I think that the slippery slope to rape is out of line, but I stand by my original assessment of what happened. I haven't read anything by the OP to suggest that my initial intuition about what happened was off base.

I don't think it's a huge deal, but I do think that the OP needs to accept responsibility for HIS part in escalating the situation. I also think that he should consider that there are things he could have done to help his "friend" learn the same lessons without resorting to violence.

Was his "friend" at least partially culpable? Sure. But she's not here. She's not posting on a public board looking for insight. He is. As a result, I'm providing feedback to him on my opinions about his behavior. The way I see it, talking to him about HER behavior amounts to gossip and hearsay and doesn't do anybody any good. If she decides at some point to join us, we can (IMO) at that time get into her actions.

 

[Svart]

A lot of you seem to be taking this as the OP knew she would quite severely injure herself. What USUALLY happens when someone punches you in the arm or such? If they put their weight behind it they might sprain their wrist a little and itll be better in a few hours.
The OP wasnt telling her to do a backflip over a moving car knowing that she couldnt actually do a back flip, OR jump over a moving piece of a metal.
Hell, Ive punched a bulldozer while messing around and only skinned knuckles. Ive thrown bad punches and hurt my wrist a little. THIS is what he was most likely expecting, something that would be fine in an hour or so, not more permenant. I mean really, the scale of damage she actually did is quite rare.
Your friend kicks a rock like a ball. What happens? They stub their toe and swear. One out of *insert random large number here* times, they will damage the ligaments in their knee or have their organs replaced with cans of tuna.
What happened was a bit of a freak accident. Unfortunate, but not something that the OP expected.

 

[Tez3]

I'm British we don't do sharing, we have to know each other for forty years before we get beyond discussing the weather, I kid you not.
We met an American couple a while back and within half an hour of knowing them we knew everything about them and their family including all the tragic bits, we were horrified tbh.
I get hurt all the time in training, it's not a big deal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I don't think she was hurt because her well meaning friend thought he was teaching her a lesson, she was hurt because he didn't duck when she punched him and she hurt herself, tough! One of our guys threw a punch the other guy moved and the lad who punched dislocated his shoulder, she could have done the same.
You may think I'm hard hearted, I'm not but I live and work with the British military who have an expression .......sympathy comes between s**t and syphilis in the dictionary. (will have to wait and see if that makes it past the censor lol) They endure suffering, mutiliation and death as well as fear daily out in the sandy regions so it's unlikely that any of us will feel for someone who punched someone and hurt their hand etc. Sorry but we're not known for having the stiff upper lip for nothing lol!

 

[ChingChuan]

What happened was a bit of a freak accident. Unfortunate, but not something that the OP expected.

Yep, I agree. Accidents do happen! Of course, we could berate the OP for not stopping her - but she started it, he just didn't do anything to stop her. She chose to try and hit him, he didn't force her to do that, did he? (so the rape analogy is a bit offensive to me - rape is always done by force, while the OP let something happen to himself).