I Have No Idea Where to Post This

[jezr74]

Hang in there mate.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk HD

 

[aedrasteia]

Following on the heels of a determined couple of days of trying to hold it all in and rebuild my 'face' for the world, I find, tonight, that my heart is breaking even more painfully than before.

I know that I have to expect these collapses back into the vitriol laced arms of grief but it is so hard to bear a loss like this - after four months of fighting every day to save my beloved, followed by a month of emotional desolation like I have never felt before, I am not sure I have the strength left in me.

People do, mostly, find that spark still within them to live - so I must look for it amongst the ashes inside and see if, beyond hope, mine is still there.

Mark - know that others here have been there. Some of us, more than once.
if that knowing can bring comfort, then be comforted.
as best you can, ride the swells of grief like a great ship at sea.

there is no need, truly no need, to hold it in. your face
here in the world is fine as it is.

you have been thru many months of the emotions and events
that define the shape of human life. It is exhausting and hurts so much.

at these times, if you can, keep those close to you who have no fear of
this grief nor need to stop your tears for their own comfort.

if we could be near you beyond these words, so many of us would be.

 

[Sukerkin]

I am usually averse to being one who pounds the drum for sponsorships, usually preferring to let people find out about things 'naturally' via the grapevine and other social interactions. But in this case I think it is highly unlikely that the membership of MT would know about this unless I baldly state it, so please forgive me and spare my blushes.

My sister and my nephew, along with a couple of family friends are taking part in a sponsored run in support of the MacMillan hospice where my wife spent her last day.

The nurses and other staff there were wonderful in my time of direst need and took the best care they could of Michelle to ease her pain and distress. Not only that but they had the compassion and heart to help me as well as I started to come apart emotionally towards the end.

When it was clear the fight was lost and no amount of will or courage or effort on my part was going to save her, I started to unravel; all my strength had been spent over the previous months of caring for her and trying with everything at my disposal to beat back this ravening beast of a disease that was consuming her. They tended to me and comforted me and got me 'back on my feet' with my hopeless despair contained so that I be with her and hold and speak to her as the hour approached when the love I had waited forty years to find had to leave me.

I don't even know if it is possible for those outside of Britain to sponsor such a thing and if it is not then perhaps my friends here can add messages of encouragement to this thread and I shall link to it on my personal Facebook page so that my sister and nephew can know that it was not only in her own country that my radiant wife's splendid example of how to be a human being was known.

For my Michelle, a person in whom there was no Darkness.

http://www.justgiving.com/Matt-Lovatt

 

[granfire]

Just giving should work just fine for 'out of towners'

I have donated to anther British charity with no problems.
It's the magic of plastic. It's fantastic!

Thank you for letting us know!

 

[DennisBreene]

Mark, Thank you for the opportunity to help. The site works quite nicely regardless of the donors location or currency. It took about 3 min. The people who work in hospice are truly saints. Your experience is repeated thousands of times daily throughout the world and I shudder to think of how devastating such grief would be without the assistance of hospice care. My brother in law spent his last hours in hospice after a year long fight with colon cancer. The kindness and foresight of these wonderful people held the family together when there seemed to be no way to face the impossible.

 

[Sukerkin]

So, so true Dennis. I do not know how the hospice staff can bear the harrowing emotional pain of what they do, after all they have to have true empathy to do the job in the first place. From those that I met, I know their emotions are strong and genuine, for the tears they shed as they held me and cried with me that night were as heartfelt as my own.

 

[Sukerkin]

The run was today and I am happy to report that everyone made it to the end without incident, tho' apparently my nephew had to wait for his mum to catch up on more than one occasion .

I am immensely touched by the words spoken and the contributions people have made, most particularly by those from my friends here at MT. For you know me only via the link that the Web allows us and you knew my beloved Michelle only second-hand through me and yet your compassion was not bounded by that.

I know that I normally have some small facility with the written word and can usually craft a passage to say exactly what I mean if I ponder it for long enough but in this case words are insufficient medium for the task of carrying the thanks I have in my heart to you. Perhaps the best way to convey the depth of my feeling is to reveal that I was moved to tears (gentle ones of fellowship rather than painful ones of grief) by the affection and concern shown for me and for my wife.

 

[DennisBreene]

In our little world of electrons, friendships form in strange and wondrous ways. But I have found them to me no less deep. Mark, you are a remarkable man and the affection that this community has for you is genuine and deserved. It was truly a pleasure to have the opportunity to demonstrate more tangible support for you as you heal. I am pleased that the fund raiser was so successful.

 

[Sukerkin]

Here's a snippet from a message my young nephew sent to me that I hope shows well that it is not just I that is suffering the pain of my wife's loss and having to face the realisation we'll never be in her presence again:

" Hey Mark, ... it's a pleasure to do something worthwhile in her memory and something that will go towards a great cause, so it's the least we could do for such a great woman. We decided to do this as a tribute to her because she was a kind and loving person and was part of all our lives (and still is). It is also something that is deserved, as like you said, we lost her too soon. The money raised is a bonus and everyone who has helped contribute has done an amazing job to help towards those that helped her but of course the main point of all of this is to cherish and remember the life of Michelle and to show our gratitude."

 

[Sukerkin]

Altho' the tally is not closed yet, my sister tells me that they were sponsored to the tune of around {back-of-envelope exchange-rate calculation} $850 from various sources. Wonderful :bows to all:.