Hitting women

[Wey]

For you men, when do you consider it "ok" to hit a woman? After she's verbally abused you? After she's hit you once, twice, more? After she keeps doing both mentioned before after you told her to stop?

I've never been in this situation, but I'd probably act once shes been yelling in my face / trying to hit me.

Your thoughts?

 

[Xinglu]

Personally, I don't think it is appropriate to hit anyone because of verbal abuse.

And if I'm being attacked physically, I will defend myself. However, in some cases qinna would be more appropriate then striking. I would attempt this method first and resort to striking last and only if absolutely appropriate.

 

[Flea]

The fact that you think there are any shades of gray in relationship violence makes my skin crawl.

Them's my thoughts.

 

[Big Don]

Is defending yourself only permissible if you are smaller/weaker than your attacker? HELL NO. That said, don't go overboard.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

The fact that you think there are any shades of gray in relationship violence makes my skin crawl.

Them's my thoughts.

And may I add, mine as well. Ugh.

 

[CoryKS]

IMO:

It is acceptable to hit women while sparring, provided that you maintain an equitable and agreed-upon level of force. And lord knows, that was hard to do at first.

It is acceptable to hit anyone who initiates physical violence against you, but be aware that the authorities might not agree. I have no respect for anyone who lashes out physically and then says you should not respond "because you are stronger".

Other than that, no.

 

[Xinglu]

Flea and Bill - where does he say this has anything to do with domestic violence? As far as I can tell he is asking about any female attacker. If you people think that only men commit robbery or lose their temper and throw a punch then you are sorely mistaken.

 

[Marginal]

For you men, when do you consider it "ok" to hit a woman? After she's verbally abused you? After she's hit you once, twice, more? After she keeps doing both mentioned before after you told her to stop?

I've never been in this situation, but I'd probably act once shes been yelling in my face / trying to hit me.

She'd have to be trying to kill me.

Yelling's just noise. Punching her for that and a few slaps is way off the scale.

 

[Carol]

Flea and Bill - where does he say this has anything to do with domestic violence? As far as I can tell he is asking about any female attacker. If you people think that only men commit robbery or lose their temper and throw a punch then you are sorely mistaken.

Because the question was set up with the situation of:

After she's verbally abused you? After she's hit you once, twice, more? After she keeps doing both mentioned before after you told her to stop?

This does not read to me like someone concerned about some female street punk on the subway. This reads like a domestic.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Flea and Bill - where does he say this has anything to do with domestic violence?

Basic reading skills.

As far as I can tell he is asking about any female attacker.

Read it again.

If you people think that only men commit robbery or lose their temper and throw a punch then you are sorely mistaken.

I don't see anyone here saying that. Where did you read us saying that?

From the tone and tenor of the OP's post, it was clear to me (and I suspect clear to Flea) what the point was. I worked in LE for a couple years, and I've dealt with my share of domestics, both as the LE and as the person LE got to deal with. I have even very briefly cohabitated with a woman who liked to hit and was relatively good at it.

I don't hit women in general. As LE, sure, I've had to. At the dojo, yes again. It happens. That really wasn't the question the OP was asking IMHO.

In general, I apply the same self-defense methods to an attacker who is female as I would for an attacker who is male. If I can remove myself from the situation without being hurt, I will do so. End of problem. If I have no other choice, I will defend myself with violence. Last resort.

Verbal abuse is never - never - enough to justify a violent response. Man or woman. Period.

 

[CoryKS]

Because the question was set up with the situation of:



This does not read to me like someone concerned about some female street punk on the subway. This reads like a domestic.

Yeah, good point. In the case of a domestic, you'd best just walk away or you're going to jail. And if the relation gets to the point where it's physical, man, walk away for good.

 

[K-man]

Closest I came was once in retail where I had detained a female for shoplifting and was waiting for police to arrive. I was holding her arm and she was calling me for everything. Then she lashed out and kicked my leg. A swift leg sweep meant she spent the remaining waiting time on the ground. She had five or six male friends with her who were also abusive and in my face. She had gone down that fast the guys thought I had hit her. Not one of them actually raised a hand against me. In a domestic or social scene, no way Jose. We should all be able to walk away from all abusive and most potential physical situations. Restraint is one thing, hitting is too much over the top.

 

[Xinglu]

Basic reading skills.

Cute. Unwarranted, but cute.

I can see how a person could assume such a thing, but there is not enough information presented to make a sound assertion. That's called basic reasoning or logic skills. So that leaves us with an assumption and then a character judgement. Whatever, I'm just saying that it might have been a bit hasty without the due diligence of further inquiry. So until he further elaborates, I take it at face value - where is the line for self defense (and I omitted the gender issue all together in my answer because I feel it is irrelevant.)

In general, I apply the same self-defense methods to an attacker who is female as I would for an attacker who is male. If I can remove myself from the situation without being hurt, I will do so. End of problem. If I have no other choice, I will defend myself with violence. Last resort.

Verbal abuse is never - never - enough to justify a violent response. Man or woman. Period.

This is essentially the spirit of my first post. Furthermore, and I'm sure you'll agree, it should never be allowed to get past the verbal stage. Very rarely is there a situation that cannot be deescalated either through words or the action of leaving.

I think that this implies succinctly that domestic abuse is unacceptable without resorting to ad hominem arguments and comments. What do you think?

 

[Shinobi Teikiatsu]

I'm going to have to say that most people assume that by "hitting a woman", you are holding her against a wall and beating her repeatedly to within an inch of her life. Of course, when you say "hitting a man" people think a punch landing in the face or something, and it's not nearly as taboo as hitting a woman.

In a situation where a woman is attacking you, it is possible to hit her without beating her down, mediums ARE available. In these situations, if the woman is physically weaker and less skilled than you, a restraint might be more warranted than a strike. I myself have been in a situation like that with a man, where I was thrown a punch, landed on my eye, it was clearly not up to snuff, so I got him in a lock and held him down until the teacher came and shuffled him to the principal's office.

If the woman is stronger than you, then by all means do what you have to do to get out of the situation, but don't escalate it anymore than she needs to.

By the way, to address the off-topic situation, I got the feeling that he was talking about a rowdy female attacker spouting obscenities at you while walking down the street, before I started thinking of domestic violence. My mind went to it, sure, but it was after I thought of a street attack. Sounds like a very good example of our respective psyche's to see what all our minds jumped to first.

 

[shesulsa]

I can't see that there is really any good way to read OR answer the question because the possibilities are so broad ... yet the OP seems to paint a picture of an altercation already in progress.

I think gender really shouldn't matter, eh? How do you think the question would be addressed if this were posted in the Women in the Martial Arts section thusly:

After he's verbally abused you? After he's hit you once, twice, more? After he keeps doing both mentioned before after you told him to stop?

Words are words and really shouldn't be reinforced with any sort of physical violence. Once the physical begins, it must end ... quickly and effectively.

 

[Bruno@MT]

For you men, when do you consider it "ok" to hit a woman? After she's verbally abused you? After she's hit you once, twice, more? After she keeps doing both mentioned before after you told her to stop?

I've never been in this situation, but I'd probably act once shes been yelling in my face / trying to hit me.

Your thoughts?

No.

EDIT: assuming this is not domestic, ... that would depend. If she was out to kill me, I'd defend myself. A slap in the face or verbal abuse does not warrant hitting or hurting.

Also, to place this in context: how much could an average woman without MA experience hurt you? Not much. So self defense is not really an issue. That would be like claiming self defense for uppercutting a 10 year old after he kicked you in the shin.

 

[Bruno@MT]

Words are words and really shouldn't be reinforced with any sort of physical violence. Once the physical begins, it must end ... quickly and effectively.

EDIT: assuming we are talking domestic violence:

Um...

You can walk away. If my wife would be hitting me, I would simply walk away, or just hold her until she calms down. Under no circumstances whatsoever would I hurt her by hitting her, throwing her, or using locks or whatever. There is no excuse for relationship vilence. At all. Ever.

Stay calm. De-escalate. and if that fails, walk out (of the relationship if necessary) or just hold her.

 

[Big Don]

Also, to place this in context: how much could an average woman without MA experience hurt you? Not much.

A kick to the groin followed by a kick to the face, throat, knee...
Pretty damn bad.

 

[Carol]

And eyes...

 

[Big Don]

How much MA training did Lorena Bobbitt have?