We've all heard the phrase: "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." and that is it, if it doesn't bother you to smack your kid when a smack is warranted, you're doing it wrong...
I'm not a fan of spanking, but I find a great deal of sense in this observation, Don.
I had a very chilling moment one evening on a street corner a few years ago when I stopped to get a coffee. As I was coming back to the car, I spotted a woman shaking her child, whom I guessed to be of primary school age. The shaking was persistent, and the mom was agitated and screaming. Mind you, we're talking about shaking, which is extremely dangerous, not spanking.
What frightened me about the incident was how angry and out-of-control the parent was, and how obviously terrified the child was. I called out several times from across the street, my open cellphone glowing in my hand, asking the woman if she was alright and if she needed help. When she got mad and cursed at me, I explained that I was concerned for her child and was prepared to call the police if need be.
She spun around on her heels, forgot about shrieking at her child and went into a convenience store, arms flailing as she was angrily telling others inside about my rudeness. Fine. She was mad at me and not the kid.
Now back to spanking... like I said, I'm not a fan. I believe that we have children everyday who are in grave physical and emotional danger, and we do not do a very good job of protecting them. I shudder at the thought of criminal justice and youth protection resources being expended to curb spanking.
What bothers me about spanking in this era is that I question the parenting judgment applied prior to the moment the parent decided that spanking was the answer. I think a lot of kids get spanked only after the parent has failed to enforce boundaries and maintain control, and then suddenly decides the kid is being rotten. You can't stuff a kid full of junk food, let him or her stay up until all hours, buy them off with gifts, and then decide s/he is out of control.
This little tidbit from the CBC article was an eye-opener.
Bill S-209, which needs House approval to be made into law, proposes to eliminate Section 43 of Canada's Criminal Code, which allows parents, teachers and caregivers to use reasonable force to discipline a child and correct their behaviour.
I'd like to see more fine print on this. I'm a teacher. In my business physical punishment of someone else's kid has been professionally discredited and is seen as career-ending stupidity. I was paddled by Christian Brothers (a Roman Catholic teaching order) thirty-five years ago. It didn't hurt me personally, but it was a different time, and I cannot imagine how I might react if a teacher did that to my son.
When I deal with a difficult child -- I'm certified for Kindergarten to grade eight -- one of first things that I have to remember is that kid may already be very well-versed at be screamed at or hit. What that child may have learned is that when you get angry, it is acceptable to scream at someone or hit them.
I think there are probably parents who can use spanking effectively, as part of a managed and sensible regimen of discipline. What I suspect is that there fewer and fewer parents with that much sense and forethought.
It's too bad that there's no way to require parenting licenses before pregnancy.
