Fighting to gain respect.

[Tez3]

Which is why he posted on here. Either you or Tez were complaining he posted on here, but he did that to get advice, and got the advice to not knock out his uncle and he followed it. Was it the absolute best thing to do? Who knows. We aren't part of the family, we have no idea what would have happened if he dealt with his emotions a different way. Was it better than knocking his uncle out? Most likely. Were there any negative ramifications? It doesn't really seem so, his uncle dealt with it, ironbear felt better and was able to go the rest of the day without the anger. In my family, there would have been issues if I handled it that way, and I assume in yours as well. But without knowing his family situation, how they settle things, or how they react to different things, we can't really judge if he did something bad with his family or not, so there's no point in criticizing without fully understanding.

I wasn't complaining, I asked him why he posted it on here. He wasn't asking for advice he was telling us what he wanted to do to 'get respect'...from us, it wasn't about whether he merely took him down or not, what was in his heart was to beat him up and as he's still talking about it I doubt the issue has been resolved for more than today.

As for the problems, I don't know what you mean

You do know but you don't have to say, look again at what you said...'everyone's urinal' not your uncles but 'everyone's'. That's a problem right there.

 

[Kickboxer101]

Which is why he posted on here. Either you or Tez were complaining he posted on here, but he did that to get advice, and got the advice to not knock out his uncle and he followed it. Was it the absolute best thing to do? Who knows. We aren't part of the family, we have no idea what would have happened if he dealt with his emotions a different way. Was it better than knocking his uncle out? Most likely. Were there any negative ramifications? It doesn't really seem so, his uncle dealt with it, ironbear felt better and was able to go the rest of the day without the anger. In my family, there would have been issues if I handled it that way, and I assume in yours as well. But without knowing his family situation, how they settle things, or how they react to different things, we can't really judge if he did something bad with his family or not, so there's no point in criticizing without fully understanding.

Not criticising anyone just stating that fighting doesn't always have the effect people think it does and can make things worse thats all I'm saying I'm not judging anyone. Ironbear I apologise if it seemed I was judging or having a go because I wasn't. Just trying to help and give my opinion no disrespect intended brother

 

[Ironbear24]

Not criticising anyone just stating that fighting doesn't always have the effect people think it does and can make things worse thats all I'm saying I'm not judging anyone. Ironbear I apologise if it seemed I was judging or having a go because I wasn't. Just trying to help and give my opinion no disrespect intended brother

No offense taken. I know I have a problem. I am too quick to fight but I don't know how to turn off the problem. Its like Marty McFly from back to he future. You call me chicken I can't help it and he was like biff lowman.

 

[Ironbear24]

everyone's

You might be right, but I don't know, this also wouldn't be the right place to look into that though. This is martial talk not a psychological help line.

 

[Kickboxer101]

No offense taken. I know I have a problem. I am too quick to fight but I don't know how to turn off the problem. Its like Marty McFly from back to he future. You call me chicken I can't help it and he was like biff lowman.

Maybe try things like yoga or breathing exercises or meditation

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

I wasn't complaining, I asked him why he posted it on here. He wasn't asking for advice he was telling us what he wanted to do to 'get respect'...from us, it wasn't about whether he merely took him down or not, what was in his heart was to beat him up and as he's still talking about it I doubt the issue has been resolved for more than today.

Ah, there's the difference. I saw it not as him wanting to get respect from us, but posting on here before doing it to see if anyone had objections/better ideas.
Regarding if the conflicts been resolved, I doubt it was, but it was for the day which, I'm guessing, is what was more important to him.

 

[Tez3]

Ah, there's the difference. I saw it not as him wanting to get respect from us, but posting on here before doing it to see if anyone had objections/better ideas.
Regarding if the conflicts been resolved, I doubt it was, but it was for the day which, I'm guessing, is what was more important to him.

I'm not actually sure he knew what he meant if I'm honest, whether he wanted us to say don't, offer an alternative or pat him on the back and say well done. It's that which worries me, the posts rock back and forwards from he's as mad as hell to oh he was fine about it. people often sit and brood on things which I think the uncle may well do so next time it will be worse, so a solution just for the day isn't enough, at some point I think Ironbear is going to have to say 'enough' and find a solution for keeps.

 

[Ironbear24]

he's as mad as hell to oh he was fine about it

That's how my temper works. I get furious about something then about 10 minutes later I'm calm.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

I'm not actually sure he knew what he meant if I'm honest, whether he wanted us to say don't, offer an alternative or pat him on the back and say well done. It's that which worries me, the posts rock back and forwards from he's as mad as hell to oh he was fine about it. people often sit and brood on things which I think the uncle may well do so next time it will be worse, so a solution just for the day isn't enough, at some point I think Ironbear is going to have to say 'enough' and find a solution for keeps.

This just means that he feels a range of emotions when his temper is going, and isn't used to categorizing it. Most people are like this when they get very angry, especially if they're younger...it can lead to issues but it's not something that should 'scare' you for him. If I was his therapist my first objective would be helping him classify his emotions when they start being raised, but as he pointed out, we are not, and it would be close to malpractice (IMO, plenty disagree with this) to offer therapy online, especially in a forum like this. He also wasn't asking for advice about his mental health here and, I think (feel free to disagree), came on for help dealing with that particular day, which he navigated through.

Ironbear- Since its being addressed and i dont like talking 'through' someone... as has been stated in the past and I think you know, you would benefit from therapy focused around (the cause of) your ego and/or anger management. You went through this situation well, but there may be others in the future that get you in trouble.

 

[Ironbear24]

You went through this situation well, but there may be others in the future that get you in trouble.

Considering I have been in 3 fights this year, yeah I think I have a problem. All 3 were stupid and not threats agaisnt my life, first one was this guy at a friend's party. He was egging me on but I could have walked away, I chose not to, second one was the pfft karate sucks comment, I replied with pfft your mom sucks. That lead to another fight.

3rd one was yesterday.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Considering I have been in 3 fights this year, yeah I think I have a problem. All 3 were stupid and not threats agaisnt my life, first one was this guy at a friend's party. He was egging me on but I could have walked away, I chose not to, second one was the pfft karate sucks comment, I replied with pfft your mom sucks. That lead to another fight.

3rd one was yesterday.

I thought those first two were the same thing, where you were at a friends birthday and they made that comment so you got in a fight?

 

[Ironbear24]

I thought those first two were the same thing, where you were at a friends birthday and they made that comment so you got in a fight?

Similar but not the same. I don't remember how but the fact I practice it came up and he said something like "martial arts are all ********. Real fighting is learned on the streets and in prison." That lead up to the fighting after some back and forth arguing. I insulted him by saying I don't fight kids and he swung.

The other time was me and some guys at the gym were talking about what martial arts we practice. A couple of them said boxing and the guy who made the karate sucks comment said he does something, I don't remember what it was. Then I said I do kenpo. He said what the @#$% is that? I said it's a type of karate. Then he made the karate sucks comment and I said your mom sucks.

That lead to him saying "oh ok well how about we spar?" I said sure, and he got some good hits in but I did what I call being "bullheaded" and fought through it and hit him back even harder than he hit me. He had fast hands and I couldn't block it all, he called the fight and said ok man you got me.

Then an employee came by and said if she sees us doing that she will ban all of us from the gym so now we don't do that anymore.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

So I got some family visiting for fathers day and my uncle made a very rude comment about me. We have had an ongoing case of bad blood with eachother since I was 13. Contemplating going up to him and socking him in the face, following it up with some more as well.

Maybe that would get me some damn respect, sick of being everyone's damn urinal.

Good lord.

 

[JowGaWolf]

No offense taken. I know I have a problem. I am too quick to fight but I don't know how to turn off the problem. Its like Marty McFly from back to he future. You call me chicken I can't help it and he was like biff lowman.

Well at least you know you have a problem which means that you can actually do something about it if you want.

 

[Dirty Dog]

The problem is that martial artists are expected to be like Buddhist monks I guess. Not every martial artist is like a grain of rice, we aren't all the same.

This isn't about being a martial artist. This is about being an adult and dealing with things in a mature, non-douchebaggy manner.
You succeeded in beating someone up. You failed at gaining their respect, you lost the respect of others, and you totally failed at dealing with conflict in a mature, non-douchebaggy manner.

 

[Azulx]

@Ironbear24 tell 'em "Put some respek on my name!"

 

[Ironbear24]

This isn't about being a martial artist. This is about being an adult and dealing with things in a mature, non-douchebaggy manner.
You succeeded in beating someone up. You failed at gaining their respect, you lost the respect of others, and you totally failed at dealing with conflict in a mature, non-douchebaggy manner.

I won't argue with you or try to change your mind. You seem pretty set in stone on this.

 

[Ironbear24]

Maybe try things like yoga or breathing exercises or meditation

I do some breathing exercises sizes in tai chi but that only relaxes me while I am doing it. How do these activities prevent anger exactly? Are you supposed to do them while you are angry?

 

[JowGaWolf]

Considering I have been in 3 fights this year, yeah I think I have a problem. All 3 were stupid and not threats agaisnt my life, first one was this guy at a friend's party. He was egging me on but I could have walked away, I chose not to, second one was the pfft karate sucks comment, I replied with pfft your mom sucks. That lead to another fight.

3rd one was yesterday.

Dang. How do you get into so many fights? Keep in mind that once you become known for getting into fights it'll become difficult to have someone believe that you didn't try to start it. This in itself will make it more difficult when it comes to legal issues. If you feel the need to fight then I would recommend that you do it professionally.

 

[Ironbear24]

I want to do it professionally and will when I have more training under my belt. Right now people me the chingaso. Spanish for "hitter "