Fighting to gain respect.

[Kickboxer101]

The dude isn't known for being smart. he is the kind of guy that hits his kids, talks down to just about everyone and has the largest theoretical balls in the universe.

He thinks he is the toughest sob around when he doesnt even train. He doesn't even lift either.

So what? Lifting weights doesn't make you tough you know neither does martial arts training there are plenty of guys who can simply hard and take a beating and still keep coming without ever stepping in a gym

 

[Ironbear24]

I have a better idea. Grow up and act like a man.

Acting like a man is not an objective thing. Men act differently from other men.

So what? Lifting weights doesn't make you tough you know neither does martial arts training there are plenty of guys who can simply hard and take a beating and still keep coming without ever stepping in a gym

My point is I don't understand where all his sense of "I'm such a bad *** comes from." He never trained in anything so it makes no sense at all. He wrestled in high school but he never did great or anything from what I hear.

 

[Dirty Dog]

It's pretty clear you didn't gain any respect. For what it's worth, you've lost mine.
All you actually did was act like a douchnozzle at a family gathering.

 

[Ironbear24]

It's pretty clear you didn't gain any respect. For what it's worth, you've lost mine.
All you actually did was act like a douchnozzle at a family gathering.

They were entertained. No one was offended aside from him. I'm sorry you cannot respect me but I felt like this needed to be done.

 

[Dirty Dog]

Men act differently from other men.

Men don't beat people up just because they can.
What you did was contemptible.

 

[Kickboxer101]

Acting like a man is not an objective thing. Men act differently from other men.



My point is I don't understand where all his sense of "I'm such a bad *** comes from." He never trained in anything so it makes no sense at all. He wrestled in high school but he never did great or anything from what I hear.

Like I said training doesn't make you a badass and not training doesn't make you a loser who can't handle himself. At the end of the day all our training means nothing if we get caught with a punch anyone can beat anyone training or no training a 10 year old could come up to me and punch me and knock me out.

 

[Skullpunch]

He has a lot of bad qualities, but hitting his kids? A big man...

I was thinking the same, why not get his *** thrown in jail instead of judo throwing him and risk causing an injury that gets YOU in trouble?

 

[Ironbear24]

Grappling or striking you still started a fight with a guy you knew you could beat

I didn't know I would beat him. In all honesty I was afraid I'd lose but I just tried my best to put that fear behind me. Grappling is not my strongest area.

 

[Kickboxer101]

I didn't know I would beat him. In all honesty I was afraid I'd lose but I just tried my best to put that fear behind me. Grappling is not my strongest area.

In the end you should realise your whole attitude to this is wrong yes you just grappled in the end but at first you were going to punch him multiple times. The fact you even considered that shows something's wrong. So yes you grappled but tht doesn't make it any less dangerous so you threw the guy or whatever I'm assuming you were in a front room what if he'd smashed his head on a cupboard or a table he could've got serious brain damage or died and you'd be on a manslaughter charge. Best way to avoid it grow up and not fight him. I reckon you should limit your gym time and read up on the proper values and discipline of martial arts

 

[Ironbear24]

In the end you should realise your whole attitude to this is wrong yes you just grappled in the end but at first you were going to punch him multiple times. The fact you even considered that shows something's wrong. So yes you grappled but tht doesn't make it any less dangerous so you threw the guy or whatever I'm assuming you were in a front room what if he'd smashed his head on a cupboard or a table he could've got serious brain damage or died and you'd be on a manslaughter charge. Best way to avoid it grow up and not fight him. I reckon you should limit your gym time and read up on the proper values and discipline of martial arts

Ok. Fine, because I value the criticisms here I will look into that. Are their any readings you recommend?

 

[Kickboxer101]

Ok. Fine, because I value the criticisms here I will look into that. Are their any readings you recommend?

There's hundreds of books on martial arts and plenty of stuff online I know you do kenpo so ed Parkers infinite insights books are good stuff

 

[RTKDCMB]

I felt like this needed to be done.

And obviously also felt the need to tell us about it.

 

[Hanzou]

Ironbear's uncle was a bully. Ironbear put the bully in his place with his training. I wouldn't be surprised if their interactions are more positive moving forward.

You guys are being a bit too hard on him.

 

[Kickboxer101]

Ironbear's uncle was a bully. Ironbear put the bully in his place with his training. I wouldn't be surprised if their interactions are more positive moving forward.

You guys are being a bit too hard on him.

There are 2 sides to every story, but to me if this guy was such a jerk and everyone in the family knew it surely they'd not include him in family events especially if it's known he hits his kids. Also ironbear has..no offence to him a tendency to want to prove himself to others and show how good he is and has shown he's not exactly took a high tolerance to insults. At the end of the day the guy wasnt being physical for all we know he could've simply said martial arts suck (which ironbear has gotten into a fight over that subject before)

 

[Hanzou]

There are 2 sides to every story, but to me if this guy was such a jerk and everyone in the family knew it surely they'd not include him in family events especially if it's known he hits his kids. Also ironbear has..no offence to him a tendency to want to prove himself to others and show how good he is and has shown he's not exactly took a high tolerance to insults. At the end of the day the guy wasnt being physical for all we know he could've simply said martial arts suck (which ironbear has gotten into a fight over that subject before)

It was simply a little grappling tussle. You never wrestled with siblings or family members? It's a natural thing that males tend to do to show dominance. Nothing off about it. I grew up with 3 brothers, and we fought all the time. Last time my brothers were over for the holidays my two younger brothers got into a tussle where they ended up rolling around in the backyard for what seemed like an hour. When it was all over my mother and their wives scolded them and they sat at the table and had a good laugh about the whole thing.

Also just because the guy wasn't ostracized from the family doesn't mean he isn't a jerk that deserved to be put in his place. Families tolerate a lot from other family members for a variety of reasons. Maybe he's nice to everyone else, but treats IB like garbage? In the end, no one was hurt, his uncle was brought down a peg, and IB gained some confidence.

What's the problem?

 

[mograph]

Guys like him want a rise out of you to show that they exist, and that they can still affect other people. If you get mad, he has affected you. So, don't get mad. Try this:

Acting as if you were a really supportive, person-centered shrink might drive him nuts:

"That's terrible! How does that make you feel, Uncle?"
"And then what happened?"
"I understand. That must have been hard for you."
"It's not about me. Tonight, it's about you."
"So, you drank a whole bottle of Aqua-Velva? Wow!"​

• Active Listening
• Encouraging Body Language
• Good Tone
• Open Ended and Closed Questions
• Paraphrasing
• Summarizing

Hah! I feel so evil.
The best outcome would be that you're so good at it, he really opens up. If not, you might just irritate him... but everyone else at the table would have a ball at his expense.
Your call!

By the way, I have to emphasize: I am not a psychologist, nor do I have any clinical training. I am just Some Guy On The Internet and my advice has no therapeutic value. There.

Client Centered (Rogerian)

 

[Kickboxer101]

Another point is what if he comes back harder at you, if he's an aggressive alcoholic then you doing that could turn verbal abuse into physical abuse and he tries to hurt you to prove himself where he could try and hit you and yes I'm sure you'll say you can take him but that opens up more issues. Now I'm showing myself about how big a geek I am lol but there's a quote from doctor who that I think sums up fighting.

"Violence doesn't end violence it extends It"

 

[Ironbear24]

What's the problem?

The problem is that martial artists are expected to be like Buddhist monks I guess. Not every martial artist is like a grain of rice, we aren't all the same.

 

[Tez3]

The problem is that martial artists are expected to be like Buddhist monks I guess

What, set themselves on fire?

This has nothing to do with being a martial artist and all to do with being a decent human being.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

The best outcome would be that you're so good at it, he really opens up. If not, you might just irritate him... but everyone else at the table would have a ball at his expense.

While I agree with most of what you said, I would actually consider this the worst case scenario. It can lead to things that are too deep, and if you don't know how to redirect it to a therapist, they will get overly attached to you. When they discover that you're their friend/coworker/nephew/etc. and not their therapist, **** goes down and not in a fun way.