Dojo dating. Don't do it!

[Ken Morgan]

Ladies my sympathies for the crap you’ve had to put up with, no one should have to deal with such BS in their lives. Life is short enough as it is, without having to tolerate that. Being such strong women at least you’ve all bailed on the architect of such nonsense, some sooner, some later, but all much smarter I’m sure. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from any of you. :asian:

Slightly off topic, from personal experience, the female version of what you describe certainly also exists too, slightly different in their operational tactics, but no less destructive.

 

[The Last Legionary]

First, good to hear you're out of this relationship. Kicking yourself over past issues never solves things. Learn from it, look within, and grow. Something to keep in mind. You're out of the relationship physically. It sounds like you're still in it mentally, still giving him power over you. Stop it. So what if you run into him and his latest conquest? Living in fear over that you might run into him at a tournament is to still give him power over you. You might run into him at the mall too, or the gas station, or the park, or the grocery store. So you either accept this and as they say "armor up" or stay home, lock your doors and pull the covers up over your head. I don't think you'll be doing the later dear.

First, accept you made a mistake. A few actually. Accept that.
Now learn from it, and don't do that again.

Second, don't keep revisiting it. Living in the past continues to give him power over you.
Move on.

Third, go back to karate, go back to training, and associate with positive people who will build you up, not tear you down.

Take it from one of the biggest *** holes on this site, if you keep letting the victimizers hold power over you, you are destined to go from bastard to bastard to bastard until you die, explode or decide that a small room and 50 cats is all you need. Break the cycle of abuse and powerlessness. Seek some professional help if needed.

You can do it, it's just going to take work and time and a few good friends, and a lot of personal effort. You have some good advice in these posts. Learn and grow. Relationships should be of equals, not master and slave.
Well, not unless you're into that sort of thing, but I mean in the good way, not this way.
Good luck.

 

[Archangel M]

Take it from one of the biggest *** holes on this site, if you keep letting the victimizers hold power over you, you are destined to go from bastard to bastard to bastard until you die, explode or decide that a small room and 50 cats is all you need. Break the cycle of abuse and powerlessness. Seek some professional help if needed.

What he said. Anybody can wind up blindsided by an abusive relationship. Once. Maybe twice. If that seems to be the way with the majority of ones relationships you need to start looking within.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. ~Albert Ellis

 

[Blade96]

And Blade, I owe you an apology. I realized after I made my last couple posts above that I was speaking for you, and that was inappropriate. It was well-intentioned, but probably not what you need right now. I hope you won't hold it against me. :asian:

Naww. You're fine. Speak away.

First, good to hear you're out of this relationship. Kicking yourself over past issues never solves things. Learn from it, look within, and grow. Something to keep in mind. You're out of the relationship physically. It sounds like you're still in it mentally, still giving him power over you. Stop it. So what if you run into him and his latest conquest? Living in fear over that you might run into him at a tournament is to still give him power over you. You might run into him at the mall too, or the gas station, or the park, or the grocery store. So you either accept this and as they say "armor up" or stay home, lock your doors and pull the covers up over your head. I don't think you'll be doing the later dear.

Definitely not. Screw that :uhyeah: Actually, I've a tournament on Nov 20. where I'll be doing kumite for the first time if there's someone to sparr with. I love shotokan - wild horses and evil sandans be darned. =]

Third, go back to karate, go back to training, and associate with positive people who will build you up, not tear you down.

Yep. My senseis think a great deal over me and cared when I told em what happened. They said 'this is your dojo babe' I love them. And I have some good allies there in some of the other students. I love my karate. I been there for a year and 2 months, and I hope I'm there for many decades!

Take it from one of the biggest *** holes on this site,

Heh. :uhyeah:

if you keep letting the victimizers hold power over you, you are destined to go from bastard to bastard to bastard until you die, explode or decide that a small room and 50 cats is all you need. Break the cycle of abuse and powerlessness. Seek some professional help if needed.

You can do it, it's just going to take work and time and a few good friends, and a lot of personal effort. You have some good advice in these posts. Learn and grow. Relationships should be of equals, not master and slave.

Good luck.

Thanks alot.

(though i laughed at the small room and 50 cats. Especially since I'd probably like that, I'm a cat person!) Kidding, I couldnt take care of 50 cats and be in a small room by myself. I might as well take that rope and hang myself then.

Legion you're right. I think I'll just take that quote I enjoy watching 'The Lion King' for. 'The past can hurt but the way I see it you can either run from it or - Learn from it.