Divorce/domestic situation self defense

[lonecoyote]

A recent development in my life, happy (seemingly) marriage has gone south in a hurry. There is a whole other side to my wife, probably brought on by her whole new life, which involves some pretty nasty folks doing some pretty nasty hobbies, mostly putting substances into their bodies. In the last 2 weeks, I've been almost run over, shoved, punched, had a lit cigarette flicked at me, and the dog sicced on me (dog wasn't going for it, though) This is from my wife, complete personality change, like living in a scary movie. But outside of my situation, few things have the potential for violence of turbulent domestic situations, especially in the furor that surrounds a headlong rush to splitting up. How do we defend ourselves, get through it, without cracking up, resorting to violence ourselves, (I WON'T hit my wife, her boyfriend may be another story entirely) or otherwise losing it. Especially since there is no reasoning with the other person. Help

 

[Carol]

Men can be subject to domestic violence just as much as women.

I would strongly suggest reporting the threats and seeking out some legal protection. You could need this documented in more ways than you may realize.

 

[lonecoyote]

Well, do I just walk into the police station and lay it all out? Do I get a restraining order, and what is that precisely? Should I go and see a lawyer prior to doing either of the above actions? I have moved out, though I do live next door. I own three houses and I'm sleeping on my mom's couch. This has happened in the last few days, the escalation, and I'm worried other people will get involved (her new buddies). Can I evict her? She says she will be moving out the first but she is always completely tapped out due to her new hobbies despite working long hours, I would pay her to move out, pay for the divorce, etc, give her whatever she wants, just end this madness. She stays up for days at a time and has a hollow look. Spooky.

 

[Blotan Hunka]

Any cops on this board?

 

[lonecoyote]

I know of a few, sure hope they weigh in on this. This problem is probably pretty common, couples splitting up, emotions are high. Replies to this thread would be greatly appreciated on a personal level, and maybe we could help some other people, men and women too. Thanks.

 

[Carol]

Definitley go to the police and tell them about it.

A restraining order is a legal order to keep one person a certain distance from another person, but the details may vary according to situation and local law. The police may be able to help you here too.

Yes, you should DEFINITELY contact a family law attorney immediately.

Eviction may be taken care of with a restraining order, or you may have to go to housing court. Or both, or neither. A lot depends on your local law.

But, you are being threatened by people and that is nothing to ignore. You may have some illegal junk brought in to your house and that may put you at additional legal risk.

Either way, don't sit on all this...talking to the cops may not be one's fave thing to do, but it can be a good place to start.

 

[Swordlady]

Definitely file a police report, ASAP - especially because your life may be in danger. As Carol said, domestic violence does occur to men as well; you are not the first one to experience such treatment. It is also good that you physically removed yourself from the situation, but I would still look into getting a restraining order (not just for your wife, but also for her boyfriend).

I hope all goes well for you; please keep us posted.

 

[shesulsa]

Get a lawyer. File a complaint with the Police department.

The whole "eviction" thing depends upon any premarital agreement you may or may not have regarding your real estate and whether or not you have a rental agreement with her. Likely, you do not have the latter. If you have the prior, you will require legal action, most likely, to have her removed from the premises.

Get a lawyer and file a complaint with the police department.

If you fail to report this to the police along with your fears and an outline of your physical abilities and fear for your life, you will be judged as not being that worried about the situation. In retrospect, you will understand exactly why you need to take this action. From someone who's been there, take it from me ...

Get a lawyer and file a complaint with the police department.

You might need two different attorneys - one who practices family law and the other who practices real estate law ... or one who is familiar with both. I won't ask you about your marital financial situation, but part of what happens next depends on it.

Get a lawyer and file a complaint with the police department.

Consider seeking assistance from the YWCA - they will help men who are being abused. You might get looks and encounter frightened women, but go there. It goes on record that you did, which is good, and you might get a location of a group for battered men.

And just in case I'm not clear on this, get a lawyer and file a complaint with the police department.

 

[Gary Crawford]

Lonecoyote, First, I am very sorry to hear you are in the situation. As far as protecting yourself goes, what I did when my world crashed worked quite well. I got out of there quickly and went 700 miles away to sort it out and put distance between me and those that I could have hurt at the time. Last thing you need to happen is you end up arrested over something that's not your fault.

 

[arnisador]

Should I go and see a lawyer

Yup.

 

[pstarr]

I agree with the advice you've already been given...get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY AND BE SURE TO FILE A POLICE REPORT. It'd be a good idea to get a restraining order, too.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation but you have lots of company - it happens to the best of us! Stay strong, stay centered. That's easier said than done, especially when emotions are running high. And let us know if we can be of any help-

 

[evenflow1121]

I feel for you man, you seem like a good guy. I went through a pretty long term and sour relationship in my life, and it was hell, and as much as I loved that person at the time, I realized that no matter how hard I tried to get them to see better, people will only change when they want to. If your wife is not willing to change and if she already has a bf as you say may be you should move away, I did and in the end it was for the best. It not going to get any better any time soon, and it is not going to be an easy road, but one day when you can put this behind you ,you will realize that no matter how much you love people, you can only do so much for them, in the end it is their choice to change. My prayers are with you. Oh and definately consult a lawyer.

 

[Kacey]

I agree that you should consult a lawyer, and file a police report. When I was being stalked/harassed, I blew a lot of it of, until it hit a boiling point and I ended up filing for a restraining order. The only comment the judge made was "what took you so long"? For your own safety and future protection, you need to document these events, especially in case you are forced to physically defend yourself; while domestic abuse goes both directions (male to female and female to male), without such documentation it may be harder to prove. An established pattern of behavior (i.e. attacking you and/or encouraging others to attack you) will help you if you have to defend yourself or counter-attack, and will also help you if you file for divorce, because it will document her behavior for the court.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all of this, and I wish you luck, long life, and happiness in your future - and please do keep us posted on how you're doing.

 

[bcbernam777]

Well, do I just walk into the police station and lay it all out? Do I get a restraining order, and what is that precisely? Should I go and see a lawyer prior to doing either of the above actions? I have moved out, though I do live next door. I own three houses and I'm sleeping on my mom's couch. This has happened in the last few days, the escalation, and I'm worried other people will get involved (her new buddies). Can I evict her? She says she will be moving out the first but she is always completely tapped out due to her new hobbies despite working long hours, I would pay her to move out, pay for the divorce, etc, give her whatever she wants, just end this madness. She stays up for days at a time and has a hollow look. Spooky.

A) Get a restraining order

B) If she has a boyfriend then she has been unfaithful, fair grounds for divorce

C) Try to reconcile, give her an ultimatum (soemwhere safe of course), either she seeks help or the marriage is finished

D) If this destruction is ongoing, and she refuses to come to the party, then its time to move on, do it.

 

[Drac]

As far as a cops point of view..Get a lawyer and THEN file a police report..If it's Friday and you can't see your attorney until Monday go to the station ASAP and advise them of the whole story..Been to my share of domestics and a lot of times the male was faultless..

 

[MJS]

A recent development in my life, happy (seemingly) marriage has gone south in a hurry. There is a whole other side to my wife, probably brought on by her whole new life, which involves some pretty nasty folks doing some pretty nasty hobbies, mostly putting substances into their bodies. In the last 2 weeks, I've been almost run over, shoved, punched, had a lit cigarette flicked at me, and the dog sicced on me (dog wasn't going for it, though) This is from my wife, complete personality change, like living in a scary movie. But outside of my situation, few things have the potential for violence of turbulent domestic situations, especially in the furor that surrounds a headlong rush to splitting up. How do we defend ourselves, get through it, without cracking up, resorting to violence ourselves, (I WON'T hit my wife, her boyfriend may be another story entirely) or otherwise losing it. Especially since there is no reasoning with the other person. Help

Sorry to hear about the situation you're in. Reading what you're saying, it seems to me anyway, that the chances of trying to work things out, ie: seeing a counselor, etc., are pretty slim. I'd definately seek some legal help as well as help from the police. However, IMO, if you're being subjected to physical assaults, I'd definately contact the police even if you haven't already contacted a lawyer. Get the documentation started. I'd also seek a restraining/protective order ASAP.

Good luck to you.

Mike

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

Sorry to hear about the situation you're in. Reading what you're saying, it seems to me anyway, that the chances of trying to work things out, ie: seeing a counselor, etc., are pretty slim. I'd definately seek some legal help as well as help from the police. However, IMO, if you're being subjected to physical assaults, I'd definately contact the police even if you haven't already contacted a lawyer. Get the documentation started. I'd also seek a restraining/protective order ASAP.

Good luck to you.

Mike

Sorry to hear about your situation as well. Mike's advice above is all very good. I hope that things get better for you.

Brian R. VanCise
www.instinctiveresponsetraining.com

 

[Lisa]

Sorry to hear lonecoyote about your situation. I can only imagine your pain and I wish for you a speedy and peaceful resolution to this problem.

If no one has said it enough, I will say it again.

Get a lawyer, file a complaint with the police.

document, document document and again document.

Avoid confrontation if possible and be very careful and stay safe.

 

[Drac]

file a complaint with the police.

document, document document and again document.

Avoid confrontation if possible and be very careful and stay safe.

An EXCELLENT post...

 

[John Brewer]

I'm sorry to hear it. I'm sure all of our thoughts and prayers are with you!