You can only control yourself. That means you may very well live your life only engaging in violence if there is a good reason for it. That does not mean that other people will have the same mindset. It is when you meet these other people who don't have a healthy worldview that you may need de-escalation skills. Sometimes people just want to show you how tough they are. You can use de-escalation to make them feel tough without putting them in a position where they feel they need to be violent.
There are also situation where you can deal with people who are mentally disturbed. In these kinds of situations de-escalation techniques can also help. For example, you would avoid disagreeing with the mentally disturbed person by:
1. Agreeing with them if you can. "You're right, people should not ignore you. You're a human just like everyone else" Otherwise:
2. Agree with the underlying principle. "I agree that people deserve to be respected" (you might need to agree with an underlying principle when the specific thing someone is requested is unreasonable. For example the person who is mentally disturbed may think that not wearing blue hats is disrespectful to them). Otherwise:
3. Agree based on the odds. "I think a lot of people would not enjoy the loud music in this bar". In other words, the music might be reasonable for 90% of people but 10% of people is still "a lot".
A lot of people do talk about fighting when there is a good reason to fight. Many of them are misinformed. But ultimately it is about self-defence law.
To be honest, I didn't actually think about that.
However, I think the skill of de-escalation is so important that it should be treated like an important division of martial arts. For example, you have wrestling, striking, throwing etc etc which then make up the rest of martial arts. De-escalation should be treated as one of the core divisions of martial arts.
Can you just simply turn around and walk away?
Most of the times, yes,
Some of the times if it is your job or responsibility then no it is harder to walk away.
Yes, sometimes you can do that - in which case you are not needing to use de-escalation skills.
You cannot always walk away if from an aggressor.
Walking away from a person who is experiencing an episode of paranoia may just make things work.
It could also be dangerous to turn your back on someone who is working up the courage to attack you - it might just be that thing that pushes them over the edge.
Police and security guards cannot always walk away.
In any case, walking away could be seen as a de-escalation technique but it is not the only technique and is not universally applicable.
Yes, I agree that some jobs positions do not allow one to walk.
When I did bouncing and security and they would be headed out and to their vehicles in parking lots and calling me names,
I agree with them.
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I was asked one night, they just called you every name in the book and insulted you, and your girlfriend and your mom, why did you just agree and stand there?
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My reply was , they left, and I do not have to fill out any internal paperwork, I do not have to write up for my own personal documentation, nor do I have to help a police officer fill out their paperwork.
I do not have to help a nurse at a hospital fill out paperwork about me, nor deal with the costs of that visit.
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I then said, and if you haven't figured out yet, I really hate paperwork.
The problem you have is nobody really cares enough to develop as system of deescalation.
So you get a bunch of vague ideas. But nothing you could really learn anything from.
And even if they develop a system (verbal Judo as an example) , it does not work against enough people consistently to get any traction.
And it does end up with vague ideas.
My Club rules (Not documented - See Paperwork comment) :
Rule #1: Avoidance
Rule #2: See Rule #1.
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Avoid going to bad locations.
Avoid having less than half a tank of gas in your car so you can drive around an area versus through it.
Avoid all the levels of engagement until you can't and then avoid getting hurt, and then all the levels of getting hurt until death.
It all breaks down to Avoidance.
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Just like Meditation,
Breath In Hold
breath out Hold
now breath in slowly and hold
now exhale slowly and hold.
Now make each step the in , the out, and the holds longer.
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Simple to write, yet not so easy to do and do it long enough to slow one's pulse to then slow one's Blood Pressure.
Yes, that is exactly the problem. That is why I think it should have it's own subforum. So that the handful of people who do care have ready access to other peoples posts. Not only that but people who are just browsing can come in and share their thoughts.
I hope that I have given you at least a little more than a vague idea with this three step process:
1. Agree with the facts. This this is not possible then;
2. Agree with the underlying principle of what they are saying. If this is not possible then:
3. Agree with the odds.
In the history, this site, when enough traffic was created so there was enough threads and posts created and to be searched, then a sub forum was created.
I would suggest continue posting on the topic and continue the engagement.
If there is enough over time then there will be data for the staff to act upon.
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Best wishes
