Daily Life in Korea - Customs and Social Observations

[Last Fearner]

While it has been a decade since I was in Korea (96-97), I noticed some customs and social behavior that was a surprise to a westerner.

There is a huge difference between the city life (which is near modern), and the countryside which looks like you are back in the three-kingdoms period.

In the city, like Seoul, modern buildings and giant billboards make it look like any major city in America, or other parts of the world. However, many of the buildings for residence housing, and merchants were built on steep hillsides, with little to no modifications to the landscape. The buildings are build on a steep slope, with narrowly paved paths between them that look like asphalt poured over the undeveloped hillside. These paths are usually lined with parked cars, making barely enough room for one-way traffic on a two way road. Meeting another vehicle half way up a steep incline means some pretty tricky maneuvering.

It seemed that many of the drivers rarely obeyed traffic signals, except when necessary. A hailed Taxi driver would slow down to hear the pedestrian shout out their desired destination, then speed off if they didn't want to take them to that location, leaving the person there to hail another cab who would do the same thing.

Most women, especially teens and young college age, would walk the streets during the day or night in pairs or groups of three, often with arms hooked together like little schoolgirls. Elderly people often would sit on edges of sidewalks in old, worn, and slightly dirty traditional style clothes that looked like they had been sitting there since the end of the Korean War.

Many small shops in Inchon, and Irondong town were run by elderly people who spent their entire days in an open storefront on some back alley, selling whatever goods their trade offered, often items made by hand, or food you would be able to identify if you weren't a long time resident.

Nam Dae Mun Market is a big outdoor shopping area in downtown Seoul which winds through the sidewalks and alleys of many tall buildings. Tables set up in the middle, and open store fronts along the sides where the wares are all displayed (made in Korea, made in China, made in Taiwan, and many "made in the USA"). I wanted to shop for traditional Korean items, but found more stores selling USA made goods then I do in America. Prices to foreigners are often higher than to Koreans (not much is marked - you have to ask "eolma imnikka?" (how much is it), and they will tell you. If you know what you are doing, you can usually bargain with them and bring the price down.

I noticed that they drive on the right side of the road, but when walking up and down flights of stairs, most people keep to the left (very confusing). At intersections, pedestrians face each other on opposites of the street like race-horses at the gate. Even though the cross-walk has arrows for keeping right as you pass each other, they charge in a wall mob like two medieval armies rushing into battle.

It is a nation of courtesy (on the surface). Virtually every shop and store you walk in, you are greeted by one or more employees with a casual "Annyeong haseyo!" (how are you or "are you at peace"). Honorific form is "Annyeong hashimnikka." Most people smile at you, and treat you like an honored guest, but I noticed that many elderly people can be rude and very assertive. It seems that they feel younger people should get out of their way, let them cut in line at the check out lane, and not give the elderly and guff!

Historical museums, temples, shrines and monuments to famous dead people abound in Korea (I suppose they do anywhere), but they often do not let you take pictures or videos - - especially in some museums, and at the tombs of respected historical figures. They light incense, place it in a dish, kneel and pray. Many tourist sites all over, ancient villages preserved, and Cheju Island is a major tourist spot. You can park at any of these places for free, but it usually costs 800 won (about a buck) to leave the parking lot - - real tricky!

Some modern places have regular plumbing, but often times, men and women share the same facilities at the same time. The urinals line the walls, and the stalls have a no seat - - just a hole to squat over, then flush the water with the lever. Even the airport was a bit of a shock with separate restrooms for men and women, but the female cleaning lady just walks right in while everyone is doing their "business" and starts mopping the floor. There are public bath-houses where men and women go to bath naked in bathing pools (I didn't visit one of those, unfortunately! :mst

Well, it would be interesting to hear from those who are there now if they observe the same things. Oh yeah, I just remembered. Korea was the first place I have ever seen people walking with umbrellas in January because it was snowing! I'm used to umbrella = rain, not snow. Plus, many of them wore surgical style face masks to cover their mouths in cold weather. A bit peculiar from my perspective.

It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

CM D.J. Eisenhart

 

[MBuzzy]

While it has been a decade since I was in Korea (96-97), I noticed some customs and social behavior that was a surprise to a westerner.

Sir, if you don’t mind, I will fill in with my observations after being here a year. I hope I’m not stepping on your toes! Your observations are almost all still true!!

There is a huge difference between the city life (which is near modern), and the countryside which looks like you are back in the three-kingdoms period.

Exactly right. In a small city like Gunsan, I am constantly amazed by the contrasts. It is not rare to see someone who lives in a rundown shack, selling rice on the roadside as a living, but who is talking on an $800.00 cell phone. Most people live in either high rise apartment complexes or in run down shacks of some sort. There is of course the upperclass who most of which have very American looking homes.

In the city, like Seoul, modern buildings and giant billboards make it look like any major city in America, or other parts of the world. However, many of the buildings for residence housing, and merchants were built on steep hillsides, with little to no modifications to the landscape. The buildings are build on a steep slope, with narrowly paved paths between them that look like asphalt poured over the undeveloped hillside. These paths are usually lined with parked cars, making barely enough room for one-way traffic on a two way road. Meeting another vehicle half way up a steep incline means some pretty tricky maneuvering.

Koreans LOVE their florescent lighting. Seoul is FILLED with bright flashing lights of any shop you can imagine. Many of which are on every floor of a building. Koreans are very into smaller stores who sell either a HUGE variety of things or one very specific thing. Outside of any city, the majority of the land is made up of rice paddies. Basically if there is land without a home on it….there is a crop.

It seemed that many of the drivers rarely obeyed traffic signals, except when necessary. A hailed Taxi driver would slow down to hear the pedestrian shout out their desired destination, then speed off if they didn't want to take them to that location, leaving the person there to hail another cab who would do the same thing.

Well, things have gone downhill there. Koreans are very possibly the worst drivers on the planet. I felt more safe driving in NYC than on most roads in Korea. Traffic signals are suggestions. This is complicated by the fact that there are very very seldom any police patrolling the roads. In fact, in some cases, stopping at a traffic light is more dangerous than not stopping. I’ve seen plenty of cars rear ended simply because they stopped at the red light. The locals know which ones they don’t need to stop at. Between Kunsan Air Base and Kunsan City, there are no less than 7 traffic lights that aren’t at an intersection. No cross street, no major business….just a random stop light.

Taxi drivers are by FAR the most insane drivers. Last night, I was in a cab that was blaring American hip hop music, going 140 KPH, passing on sidewalks, middle lane, OPPOSING LANE………and oh yeah, racing another Taxi.

Most women, especially teens and young college age, would walk the streets during the day or night in pairs or groups of three, often with arms hooked together like little schoolgirls. Elderly people often would sit on edges of sidewalks in old, worn, and slightly dirty traditional style clothes that looked like they had been sitting there since the end of the Korean War.

Dead on. Except Men also walk arm in arm and hold hands. Oh yeah….and Pink is DEFINITELY not considered a female color here.

Most I wanted to shop for traditional Korean items, but found more stores selling USA made goods then I do in America. Prices to foreigners are often higher than to Koreans (not much is marked - you have to ask "eolma imnikka?" (how much is it), and they will tell you. If you know what you are doing, you can usually bargain with them and bring the price down.

When I went home for midtour, I found a small store in a mall that sold “Asian goods.” Most of what I say in that small store are the EXACT same things that are sold in the majority of “traditional Korean goods” stores. Haggling is a way of life. ALL prices are negotiable unless you are in one of the huge department stores. Lotte is one of the most popular. Imagine an 8-10 story tower with a grocery store, full department store, movie theater, restaurants….Well, EVERYTHING. Super Wal-Mart on steroids. You can shop in Lotte or E-Mart and no other store and find everything you will ever need.

It is a nation of courtesy (on the surface). Virtually every shop and store you walk in, you are greeted by one or more employees with a casual "Annyeong haseyo!" (how are you or "are you at peace"). Honorific form is "Annyeong hashimnikka." Most people smile at you, and treat you like an honored guest, but I noticed that many elderly people can be rude and very assertive. It seems that they feel younger people should get out of their way, let them cut in line at the check out lane, and not give the elderly and guff!

Agreed completely – the courtesy is mostly on the surface. The waiters and waitresses are amazingly courteous and extremely nice to everyone. Most shops are also very nice to you, but in some smaller areas, they don’t welcome Americans as much. You have to get pretty rural and out of tourist areas for that though. The Elderly do rule the roads. They always have right of way. The basic rule of thumb is that individually, Koreans are courteous to a fault individually and in small groups….in public and in large groups, they are rude and inconsiderate by American standards (mostly just a cultural difference).

Historical museums, temples, shrines and monuments to famous dead people abound in Korea (I suppose they do anywhere), but they often do not let you take pictures or videos - - especially in some museums, and at the tombs of respected historical figures. They light incense, place it in a dish, kneel and pray. Many tourist sites all over, ancient villages preserved, and Cheju Island is a major tourist spot. You can park at any of these places for free, but it usually costs 800 won (about a buck) to leave the parking lot - - real tricky!

One note….There are few cemetaries here. The dead are buried on any hillside with available land.

Well, it would be interesting to hear from those who are there now if they observe the same things. Oh yeah, I just remembered. Korea was the first place I have ever seen people walking with umbrellas in January because it was snowing! I'm used to umbrella = rain, not snow. Plus, many of them wore surgical style face masks to cover their mouths in cold weather. A bit peculiar from my perspective.

Not just cold weather actually….Koreans wear surgical masks if they are sick or are around sick people, in cold weather, are worried about getting sick, young old….In any given day walking around Kunsan, I will see anywhere from 5-20 people wearing surgical masks.

Hopefully I’ve added something useful to your very accurate first post! Thanks for starting out. I’ve been thinking of starting a post like this, but didn’t know where to start. I’ve been here for a year and I love the country. The landscape, the food, the people, the culture, the history, Korea is a wonderful place to spend a year. But I can’t wait to get out of here!!!!

 

[blackxpress]

My wife's from Suweon. I've only been there once, back in 1996. I remember it pretty much as you describe. I found it fascinating and hope to go back very soon.

 

[Last Fearner]

Sir, if you don’t mind, I will fill in with my observations after being here a year. I hope I’m not stepping on your toes!

Not at all! This is what I had hoped for this thread. Anyone who had ever been to Korea, or is there at present (or in the future) can share their experiences and observations. Feel free to agree with what others have seen, or state opposing points of view, but everyone takes back something a little different from their visit.

Hopefully I’ve added something useful to your very accurate first post! Thanks for starting out.

Yes, you have! Those who have never been to Korea, but perhaps have always wanted to, or just wondered about what it is like might enjoy reading what others have experienced. It is an eye-opener, considering that westerners often take our modern living for granted, and don't know about the little quirks that exist in the back streets, and rural areas of what might be considered a split social experience - - modernization mixed with 3rd World poverty.

A few more things I remembered are that the night-life resembled my teen years in the 70's. Much like the disco era, dance clubs, dress styles, and behavior reminded me of the past U.S. in a time-warp from 1950 to 1980. Some of the "rough" looking street-gang members had white t-shirts with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeves and a cigarette dangling loose from their lips like James Dean or something from a Hollywood movie.

I also noticed that a lot of the city sidewalk shops put quite a bit of expensive merchandise out on tables just outside their store front. Seemed that no one was watching it much, and no one seemed to be stealing anything. Much different than security concerns in America.

I remember the flurry of motorized scooters whipping in and out of traffic, cutting up onto the sidewalks and weaving past pedestrians to stop and deliver whatever was stored in a wire basket on the rear of the bike (newspapers, beverages, fuel, etc). These driver's wore small helmets and were "on a mission." It seemed that it was their lively-hood to get from place to place as fast as they could. Then, they would whip the bike around, cut across six lanes of traffic, going the wrong way, and zip off to another destination. Very bizarre behavior - - from my point of view!!!


CM D.J. Eisenhart

 

[MBuzzy]

Two biggest cultural differences comes from...my favorite topic....eating. First off, Koreans eat all meals with communal food. All of the food comes and sits in the center of the table and everyone eats it. Generally the oldest person orders and eats first.

Second, Koreans don't drink. They will bring a 2 quart water jug for a table of 6, it gets dumped into cups and no one touches it for the entire meal. We ask for more water and they look at us like we're crazy.

Koreans also have no concept of personal space. "Excuse me" is not really used, either if someone is in your way OR when they want your attention. When a Korean wants past, they will push past you. To get your attention, they say in Korean "HERE!"

Again, all just cultural differences. To a Korean this is everyday life. To an American, this is what we call CULTURE SHOCK!

 

[mrhnau]

Last Fearner and MBuzzy, I really enjoyed your posts. Very insightful. You seemed to both agree on one point I found interesting.

It is a nation of courtesy (on the surface). Virtually every shop and store you walk in, you are greeted by one or more employees with a casual "Annyeong haseyo!" (how are you or "are you at peace"). Honorific form is "Annyeong hashimnikka." Most people smile at you, and treat you like an honored guest, but I noticed that many elderly people can be rude and very assertive. It seems that they feel younger people should get out of their way, let them cut in line at the check out lane, and not give the elderly and guff!

Agreed completely – the courtesy is mostly on the surface. The waiters and waitresses are amazingly courteous and extremely nice to everyone. Most shops are also very nice to you, but in some smaller areas, they don’t welcome Americans as much. You have to get pretty rural and out of tourist areas for that though. The Elderly do rule the roads. They always have right of way. The basic rule of thumb is that individually, Koreans are courteous to a fault individually and in small groups….in public and in large groups, they are rude and inconsiderate by American standards (mostly just a cultural difference).

I've not been to Korea, but my best friend married a Korean a few years ago. Her parents/family came over. They were speaking Korean in front of him, and his fiancee started crying. Found out later they were insulting him quite dramatically in his face, but did not have the courtesy to use his language (they all speak english). I don't care about what culture you are from, that is just plain rude. I'm hoping this is more the exception than the rule, but experience so far has not shown that.

On another point, he is learning Korean now. I wonder if he will tell the in-laws, or just shock them one day by responding? LOL I wold prefer the later

It seemed that many of the drivers rarely obeyed traffic signals, except when necessary. A hailed Taxi driver would slow down to hear the pedestrian shout out their desired destination, then speed off if they didn't want to take them to that location, leaving the person there to hail another cab who would do the same thing.

I found this one humorous I've been in a few countries like that. Driving in Cairo is always exciting. Its hard finding a car panel that does not have any dings on it!

It seemed that many of the drivers rarely obeyed traffic signals, except when necessary. A hailed Taxi driver would slow down to hear the pedestrian shout out their desired destination, then speed off if they didn't want to take them to that location, leaving the person there to hail another cab who would do the same thing.

I found this humorous as well I know some people like that. What do you do w/ really spicy food? Suffer until the meal is done? Or if the food is dry? Or you swallow some the wrong way?

Anyways, this thread had been interesting... thanks for sharing guys

 

[tkd75]

I agree with most of Last Fearner and MBuzzy's comments. I was stationed at Camp Essayons, which is in Uijeongbu. Traffic signals were almost never obeyed, especially at late at night! One of my first driving experiences was taking a 5-ton military vehicle up to Munsan. Talk about being nervous!

When I lived there, my Korean was pretty fluent (now not so much, but anywho) - and being on the subway was a riot. To listen as they talk about you because you are obviously not Korean and be able to understand is priceless.

I only had two unpleasant experiences on the subway while there. The first was after an overnight pass - I had stayed in Seoul for the night for a farewell party and hopped on the subway early the next morning. It was packed, but I finally found a space big enough for three people. An old Korean man came and sat beside me, then proceeded to lay his upper body down. He reeked of alcohol. As the subway would stop and start, his body was sliding around. One time he slid into me, hitting his head on my thigh. He sat up and started cussing me and spit at my shoe! I only know one bad phrase in Korean, and was tempted to use it, but I didn't. I just got up and walked through to the other car. The other bad incident wasn't by a native Korean, but by another foreigner who tried to "feel me up" as I got off of the subway with a few other Americans.

I absolutely love the country though. I loved going into Itaewon and haggling prices for the souviners to send home. There was one buffet close to our camp that we would always go to.

Ah, the memories.

 

[miguksaram]

I had the fun experience of going over during Christmas time to visit my in laws. My wife was already over there. I had to meet her in Suwon so I hoped a train to get there. Since it was Christmas I had presents for the neices and nephews and one was a Tickle Me Elmo, when they first came out.

As I was on the train a haraboji came in and I offered my seat to him. I still had my bags next to where he was sitting and he accidently bumped it and it set off the Elmo doll "That tickles" followed by the satanic laugh that it does. All eyes were on me at that point wondering what the hell that was. It was hard not to burst out laughing at the shocked look on the haraboji's face when he hit it.

When I finally got to Suwon station I got off the train and started looking for my wife and her family in a sea of Koreans. It only took me 15 minutes to realize "Why the hell am I looking for them. I'm the one that sticks out around here." So I put my back against wall and they spoted me in 5 minutes.

 

[kittybreed]

"Well, things have gone downhill there. Koreans are very possibly the worst drivers on the planet. I felt more safe driving in NYC than on most roads in Korea. Traffic signals are suggestions. This is complicated by the fact that there are very very seldom any police patrolling the roads. In fact, in some cases, stopping at a traffic light is more dangerous than not stopping. I’ve seen plenty of cars rear ended simply because they stopped at the red light. The locals know which ones they don’t need to stop at. Between Kunsan Air Base and Kunsan City, there are no less than 7 traffic lights that aren’t at an intersection. No cross street, no major business….just a random stop light.

Taxi drivers are by FAR the most insane drivers. Last night, I was in a cab that was blaring American hip hop music, going 140 KPH, passing on sidewalks, middle lane, OPPOSING LANE………and oh yeah, racing another Taxi."

When I was in Korea I just decided I'd make it out alive of the traffic to see another day if I was supposed to. When I got home I did find out there is one place in the world that has more dangerous traffic; Turkey! I'd not going there! Al least I was in the "country" and there were fewer cars than in Seoul.

 

[Dao]

I went back to Korea in 1985 ( I was born in Korea). First two weeks was at summer school it was pure hell. The food was so nasty I rarely ate the food, heck I don't think even a dog would eat it. But everything was free except the plane flight to get there. So for two weeks I lived on soda pop and shrimp chips. Then I stayed at a stranger's place for a week. It was all prearranged. It was kind of weird staying with them. They were real nice, I just wonder if they ever talked behind my back.
Most of the elder Koreans claimed that I am not Korean because I couldn't speak the language well. The reason going there in the first place was to learn about the culture and learn more of the language.
My last week there I stayed with my relatives, my dad's side and step mom side.

I found Korea way too hot back then. Most of use got sick eating something. My sister got sick from the chicken and I couldn't eat anything that had lots of liquid in it. The water made me really sick. I drank mostly soda pop and I still lost 10 lbs!

Holding hands with the same sex is common back then not because these people are gay but so that you won't lose each other while walking. It is very easy to lose each in a crowded city especially Seoul.

As for Koreans being mean, they usually can't stand blacks then white people. Koreans just love drama, I am Korean myself and I still can figure out why they cause trouble among each other.
I love Korea and the people but I dislike their attitude, behavior and rudeness.

 

[MBuzzy]

I found Korea way too hot back then. Most of use got sick eating something. My sister got sick from the chicken and I couldn't eat anything that had lots of liquid in it. The water made me really sick. I drank mostly soda pop and I still lost 10 lbs!

Holding hands with the same sex is common back then not because these people are gay but so that you won't lose each other while walking. It is very easy to lose each in a crowded city especially Seoul.

As for Koreans being mean, they usually can't stand blacks then white people. Koreans just love drama, I am Korean myself and I still can figure out why they cause trouble among each other.
I love Korea and the people but I dislike their attitude, behavior and rudeness.

We actually saw a lot of those kids in Korea, mostly down in Pusan on various programs, a lot with American Parents though.

The holding hands thing is still pretty common, took me a while to get used to!

I really didn't have any problems with Koreans disliking any Americans irregardless of race, in fact many of the older Koreans absolutely loved us. I was stopped in the street by a lot of older Koreans to thank me and such. The younger crowd it seems just kind of thinks that we've done our job and it is time to go. I never really had anything that disliked us though.

 

[miguksaram]

I went back to Korea in 1985 ( I was born in Korea). First two weeks was at summer school it was pure hell. The food was so nasty I rarely ate the food, heck I don't think even a dog would eat it. But everything was free except the plane flight to get there. So for two weeks I lived on soda pop and shrimp chips. Then I stayed at a stranger's place for a week. It was all prearranged. It was kind of weird staying with them. They were real nice, I just wonder if they ever talked behind my back.
Most of the elder Koreans claimed that I am not Korean because I couldn't speak the language well. The reason going there in the first place was to learn about the culture and learn more of the language.
My last week there I stayed with my relatives, my dad's side and step mom side.

I found Korea way too hot back then. Most of use got sick eating something. My sister got sick from the chicken and I couldn't eat anything that had lots of liquid in it. The water made me really sick. I drank mostly soda pop and I still lost 10 lbs!

Holding hands with the same sex is common back then not because these people are gay but so that you won't lose each other while walking. It is very easy to lose each in a crowded city especially Seoul.

As for Koreans being mean, they usually can't stand blacks then white people. Koreans just love drama, I am Korean myself and I still can figure out why they cause trouble among each other.
I love Korea and the people but I dislike their attitude, behavior and rudeness.

Perhaps it was the time frame of which you visited. Many things happened in the early 80's which affected much of the Korean society, this may account for much of the problems you had. I guess I have just been blessed. I think I have only had 3 "bad" experiences in Korea as a white guy and two of those were misunderstandings of culture on my part. Only one dealt with actual bad feelings towards Americans.

Other than that Koreans both young and old have always been very generous and polite. Though my in-laws will still get on my kids for not learning Korean...but then I quickly point out it is their mother's fault for not teaching them. For the most part the older generation have been nice and the younger generation are always coming up and trying to test their English.

 

[Kuk Sa Nim]

What an interesting thread. I had not noticed it before. I find it fascinating that many things have not changed since I was there in 81-82. I have many, many pleasant memories, and a few unpleasant ones too.

One of the conclusions I came to is that you find good and bad people everywhere. I have traveled quite a bit, and found this true in Mexico, Canada, Europe, and Asia. etc. In Korea. I met some of the most down to earth people who would give you the shirt off their back (literally), and I also met some amazing ignorant jerks as well. As I said, you get this everywhere.

From a cultural standpoint, I found many parallels with my Mexican culture. It is absolutely priceless when you can speak or at least understand their language, and catch them talking about you to your face, thinking you do not understand.

On another note, growing up here in the US, I never considered myself very tall. I'm about 6'2 and ALWAYS had friends that were much taller than me. Boy, I'll never forget getting off the plane at Kimpo International and as I walked around, I could see the tops of everyone's head. Suddenly, I felt like a giant.

And I'll NEVER forget the sheer terror of riding in taxi cabs. Those guys were absolutely crazy drivers.

Another fond memory I have was shopping. I knew just enough Korean to get by, and was already well trained in haggling (from living in Mexico from time to time). Some of those shop owners would not like me to help some of my friends shop, because they knew they would get a much lower price if I was there. That was fun.

Anyway, this is a great opportunity to walk down memory lane, and expose many others who have not been there to Korea, and Korean culture. Keep it up everyone.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

I spent some time in Masan a few years ago. Flew into Seoul, then down to Busan, then by bus to Masan. It's a bustling city, a free trade zone, so lots of foreign manufacturers are there.

I saw, as others have noted, moped-like motorcycles ripping up and down the sidewalks, with a crazed young male 'driving' and a young woman wearing a formal cheongsam-like dress and holding a teapot and cups balanced on her lap - she would be riding side-saddle! They'd blast up and stop, she'd hop off and dispense tea to workers at the back door of workplaces. Amazing.

I didn't experience the crazy drivers much, I was taken everywhere I needed to be by the company I was working for. I was teaching classes, so I was considered to have high respect. I taught engineers, who were also considered to command a lot of respect.

We went everywhere together. We went to lunch together, and when classes were over for the day, the entire team went out to dinner every night together. Mostly male - there was only one female engineer, and she was seen as a 'honorary male' because she had insisted on being an engineer. I was told that men and women went to college together, all learned software engineering, but upon graduation, the men got jobs as engineers and the women became wives and homemakers or janitors. True.

I was used to women in the men's bathroom - same in Japan. No biggy.

We sat at a communal table, as someone else said, but we did drink - we drank a lot. These guys could put it away! Beer, sake, and a local drink called 'Soju' which tastes like paint thinner and probably is. I ate a lot of kim chee (there are lots of kinds of kim chee) and a lot of bulgogi - I love bulgogi.

When you sit at the table, if there are things that need cooking (like bulgogi) the women do it, not the men. Sorry ladies, it's a man's world in Korea. Sometimes the men will have their wives or girlfriends meet them in the restaurant to cook for us, then they leave and go home, leaving the men to booze it up all night. Seriously.

Some things I learned about culture. First, as noted, holding hands is not an effeminate thing. Arms around shoulders are not uncommon among male pals either. But the first time a man I was sitting next to put his hand on my thigh, I nearly jumped out of my skin! However, I had read in a book on Korean culture before I went that this was normal, so I just died a little inside and pretended not to notice. However, rude or not, I was not going to return the favor. ICK! I just dealt with it. Turns out it was high praise, and the person who put his hand on my thigh was a just-promoted vice-president who had a huge amount of power. It would not have been good to have insulted him.

When you sit at the table, a person sitting near you will pour for you. When drinks are empty, you should pour for him. You hold the bottle or flask or whatever with your right hand (never the left) and you touch your own right arm with the fingers of your left arm as you pour. If you have your fingers near the hand of your right arm, you are being informal and have little respect to show. If you are showing high respect, you move your fingers up the right arm to the elbow or even higher. Delicate game, because if you do it too much, you may be thought of as being sarcastic.

You never pour your own drink, and you never let someone else pour their own drink - very rude.

For God's sake, don't stick your chopsticks straight up in your rice. It means you're calling the dead to come visit you. People will look at you like you just spit on their food.

By the way, Koreans spit everywhere outside. Get used to dodging. They do it in China, too.

As in China, give and receive everything with both hands. From your credit card to a cashier, to a gift or a drink or whatever - use both hands. It is rude to hand something to someone with one hand - you're saying it has no value to you. People throw things away with one hand.

Oh yeah, Korean men smoke a lot. I was a smoker at the time, didn't bother me. Now that I'm not, it might.

I recommend getting a book on Korean culture before you go. It never hurts to have a basic understanding of what is considered polite and what is considered rude in the country you visit. It may not matter, most Koreans are used to the fact that others are not like them, but if you make an effort, they will recognize it and appreciate it. For guys - don't freak out if you get touched by another guy. It's normal.

 

[Kuk Sa Nim]

Oh wow, I almost forgot about all the spitting. I think I may have blocked it out. I was a little taken by all of the indiscriminate spitting.

Also, I remember my first 100 day birthday party. It was a big honor to be invited to this, and Koreans make a big deal of the first 100 days of a baby's life. I guess in more recent past, there were a lot of infant deaths or something like that. At any rate, it was a big deal. We all sat on cushions at a very long table, enough to fit at least 30 people. There were mountains of food on the table, and it kept coming. We all ate with a little plate (about the size of a monkey dish, for you all in the restaurant biz). It was all communal, and would have been disrespectful not to at least try a bit of everything. I was pretty adventurous and did just that. After a few "weird" dishes, I just asked to not be told what it was, and just let me taste it. There were dozens of different types of kimchi, and I have never seen so many dishes made from beans.

Oh, and of course, after we were all done, came the soju, makuli, potoju and mekju. Hope I'm not killing those. I called soju like "Korean tequila", makuli was a milky rice wine, potoju was red wine and mekju was beer. All were super strong except the beer. Sorry O-B, too weak. Then of course came the.......singing. EVERYONE took turns at standing up and singing a song. No exception. What is it with Korean and the need to sing?... I surprised everyone and sang in Spanish, to the resounding applause and praise of my Korean hosts.

Some of my favorite food was bulgogi, kalbi, japje and winter kimchi (the hottest version). I also became quite addicted to bibimbop, and order every chance I get over here. They even had their own version of "Korean pizza", with all the Korean toppings and spicy sauce (like the one used in bibimbop).

The male dominated society was a little surprising, even for me with my Latin upbringing (Mexican mom, 4 sisters and TONS of aunts and cousins). They made us look like women's lib...

Also of interest, and somewhat weird tense moments, was being around Koreans talking in normal circumstances where they appeared to be "fighting". And apparently they were not. The yelling, expressions and body language was very confusing. There were times when I was out with friends, and suddenly, I found myself getting tight and ready for action, only to find out they were "just talking", and there was no problem what so ever. Wow...

So, more fun memories.

 

[miguksaram]

100 day, 1 year and 60 year b-days...Gotta love them.

The 100 day (Baek-il) we held at our hosue. We had fruit, rice cakes and a couple of other dishes.

We were in Korea for both my sons' 1st birthday celebration (Tol). Nice party and many gold rings were given. Then they put down a string, a pencil and money. If they chose the string they would have a long life, if they chose the pencil they would be a great scholar and if they chose the money they would have a wealthy life. My oldest chose money and my youngest chose the string. Can't wait for my oldest son's fortune to kick in. ha.ha.ha. We had a nice feast of dok (rice cakes). Like several kinds of dok.

We also went to Korea for my father-in-law's 60th birthday. This celebration blew my mind. There were over 200 people that showed up to this farm village. The whole village go together to help prepare the food. We had an assembly line of putting the food on the tables, moving the tables to the tent (where we had 6 tables going at a time), then taking the tables out, cleaning them off and repeat. We had karaoke and drinks galore. It started about 8am and ended at 1am. The ajimas kept me up all night drinking and dancing. Not to mention the little kids following me around practicing the only English that they knew "Hello." "How are you?" "I am fine." "My name is..."

 

[MBuzzy]

When you sit at the table, if there are things that need cooking (like bulgogi) the women do it, not the men. Sorry ladies, it's a man's world in Korea. Sometimes the men will have their wives or girlfriends meet them in the restaurant to cook for us, then they leave and go home, leaving the men to booze it up all night. Seriously.

Bill,

This is actually the only one that surprised me...Can anyone else shed light on this? I lived down in Kunsan, so most of my experiences were there - is this standard throughout the country? I saw a lot of men doing the cooking, particularly the older men. In some restaurants, the owner of the restaurant would come over (for big parties) or a waitress would do it (especially when it was all americans, but even sometimes if the party was big and there were a lot of people).

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Bill,

This is actually the only one that surprised me...Can anyone else shed light on this? I lived down in Kunsan, so most of my experiences were there - is this standard throughout the country? I saw a lot of men doing the cooking, particularly the older men. In some restaurants, the owner of the restaurant would come over (for big parties) or a waitress would do it (especially when it was all americans, but even sometimes if the party was big and there were a lot of people).

I don't know if it makes a difference, but the places my students were taking me to were 'local' restaurants - I was the only non-Korean in the place, and some of them were not recognizable as restaurants from the outside of the building. It may be that restaurants that cater to everyone including 'foreigners' are different. And Masan is not exactly the hub of Korea tourism-wise.

 

[MBuzzy]

I don't know if it makes a difference, but the places my students were taking me to were 'local' restaurants - I was the only non-Korean in the place, and some of them were not recognizable as restaurants from the outside of the building. It may be that restaurants that cater to everyone including 'foreigners' are different. And Masan is not exactly the hub of Korea tourism-wise.

I spent a lot of time in those places actually, the Koreans that I was friends with and hung out with liked those places best I think. Some of them even told me that the oldest male at the table usually did the cooking, not sure how true that is though. Kunsan isn't a tourist hub in any way...it is basically a military town (used to be famous for prostitution in Korea in the 80s...you know how every town has their "thing"). I was generally spending time around Kunsan or in nearby cities though. I lived there for a year, so I tried to get around as much as I could.

The Korean restaurants I've been to in the US, the waitress ALWAYS cooks it, unless you ask.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

I spent a lot of time in those places actually, the Koreans that I was friends with and hung out with liked those places best I think. Some of them even told me that the oldest male at the table usually did the cooking, not sure how true that is though. Kunsan isn't a tourist hub in any way...it is basically a military town (used to be famous for prostitution in Korea in the 80s...you know how every town has their "thing"). I was generally spending time around Kunsan or in nearby cities though. I lived there for a year, so I tried to get around as much as I could.

Could be down to part of the country we were in. Masan is quite a way from Kunsan (small town near Gunsan?). Masan is nearer to Busan, other side of the country.

The Korean restaurants I've been to in the US, the waitress ALWAYS cooks it, unless you ask.

Yes, that's my experience too.