Dad being hard on you at the dojo

[shesulsa]

I'm the mom in this situation.

I've noticed that my children are more apt to follow instruction from someone else - whether we're talking MAs or tying their shoe.

I simply must be harder on them to get them to practice, comply, strive, etcetera the way they normally would for my colleague.

I know they'll thank me some day, and I talk to them about what I'm doing or why I did it, depending upon the effect I think I need to have on them.

 

[Ceicei]

I've noticed that my children are more apt to follow instruction from someone else - whether we're talking MAs or tying their shoe.

That's exactly why I leave my sons' MA training to my instructor. Even though we all take the same style, it is much easier on them if I do not try to instruct my sons. They see my example with my study and try to follow, but rebel if I make suggestions/corrections related to MA. At least at home, we do practice together and help each other prepare for tests. At the dojo, we're all students (we take different classes/times).

When relating to things that aren't MA, I'm the mom and they know it!!

- Ceicei

 

[shaolinchi]

I teach my neighbor, he is 8 years old. I have been great friends with his parents, well since I was born. We all grew up in the same neighborhood. I think because he has known me, and I have known the parents for so long, they expect me to help promote him, and to give him the edge over other students. Just recently he stopped coming to classes, because I refused to show him an advanced form. Kind of unfortunate how things play out, but still, I'm not into favoring, I respect all of my students equally.

 

[TigerWoman]

I teach my neighbor, he is 8 years old. I have been great friends with his parents, well since I was born. We all grew up in the same neighborhood. I think because he has known me, and I have known the parents for so long, they expect me to help promote him, and to give him the edge over other students. Just recently he stopped coming to classes, because I refused to show him an advanced form. Kind of unfortunate how things play out, but still, I'm not into favoring, I respect all of my students equally.

Because your are friends and neighbors, though, it might be good to call them and ask why the child is no longer attending and if you could explain how the program is taught.... just a thought to save your relationship. It really is a silly reason for the kid to drop coming. Maybe there was another one. TW

 

[shaolinchi]

TW, I totally agree. I mean we still see each other everyday, being as I still live across the road from them! And it wasn't the parents decision, which bewilders me as to why they would really leave it up to the kid. He was mad at me because I didn't teach him something he wasn't supposed to learn until a WAY later belt. I totally explained it to the parents, I guess its just his choice!

 

[TigerWoman]

Thanks for the clarification. Yeah, eight years old is still pretty young. I think that is when my son joined TKD but he was pretty determined. I had taken him once but didn't sign him up because I couldn't get him to class after school. Then, later his father signed up both my son and my daughter after seeing a demo on the street. I had just gone free lance so could make the class times then. So, if the boy made the decision, that's different. Somehow, I doubt the advanced form was the real reason though. It could be that he has a attitude problem and wants to be the "star". Some parents build that esteem up way too high. Sets them for a world of disappointment from unreal expectations. Could be what happened. TW

 

[XxTKDPenguinxX]

I am a father and instructor. My son and daughter have just taken a leave of absents from class at the request of my wife (whom I helped instruct from time to time). I can say, without a doubt, I am harder on my family than I was on any other student. There are several reasons for this.
First of all, I refuse to allow anyone the chance to say that my family didn't earn every single belt they have. The fear of favortism is always present when I teach.
Second, I know exactly how I expect my children to act. Be it martial arts, school, home, store, etc. They have a tendancy (like many children) to try and be "cool" when other kids were around. :whip: Will not tollorate that.
Last, but not least, I know how my children's ambition levels are. Parents just know these things. Who best to say if the child is slacking than the parent? Well, of course there are those that want their kids to succeed, not matter if it was truly earned.

On a similar note... I see some parents being WAY TOO hard on their kids. These are the ones that are living through their kids' martial arts! You know them... they're the ones that get bent out of shape at judges, yell at the poor kid for not seeing a simple technique being thrown at them, telling them they "better work harder, or else I'm going to yank you outta this crap!" Which may be what the kid wants since they're getting yelled at and undue pressure pilled on.

 

[Kempojujutsu]

I have been too hard on my son. Who is only 6, but we have been messing around with martial arts since he's been 3. I need to lighting up on him, and no he is not even close to being a black belt or a junior black belt. I don't want to burn him out, so if he doesn't want to do class, I don't force him anymore.

Bob