Culture of training relating to new students.

[twistzipp]

I am not so sure how common this is within the general school of martial arts.
As a new student (and I feel I have to be very careful of the content I disclose on this forum) it seems to me that some instructors have a somewhat "toxic" culture within their dojos to pray or bully on those weakest students.

In the dojo school I attend, I have been welcomed very warmly by everyone else. Whilst it seems the environment is very active and dynamic, there are a few minor hurdles for me to overcome in training. I have started training for a few weeks now and I am very enthusiastic.

However over the long run, I tend to see progress as a slow but manageable thing. It find it rather disappointing when a certain high-rank dojo instructor fails to offer you any encouragement at all, and instead will only focus on your weakest points - to the point of being a narcissist.
Quite often, it's only common sense that prevails, or something that will resolve over time.
How can I continue to be respectful to this martial art and the teachers, in this unbalanced playing field?

How should I approach this if it persists? Is this a very common practice in all dojos; where everyone else turns a blind eye and you simply have to put-up with it?

 

[skribs]

There are inconsistencies in your story, or you didn't communicate it well. You've been going for a few weeks and have found your instructors encouraging. But you have been training for a long time and your instructors are not encouraging?

There's an old joke friends of mine would say, in which every line is a contradiction: "Want to hear a story I know nothing about? One dark night in the middle of the day, two men had an argument. They pulled out their swords and shot each other. Two deaf policemen heard all the noise, and came to rescue the two dead boys. Don't believe me? Ask the blind man in the corner, he saw it all."

This post reminds me of that story.

 

[Holmejr]

I’m sending you crayons and coloring books. Do this for yourself.
I once attended a TKD school where the instructor was toxic. Long story, but I quit and found a better school. Stay or go.

 

[Xue Sheng]

I trained with my taijiquan Shifu for about 8 years before he said i got it right

My Wing Chun Sifu actually said i did ok today on the first part of the mook jong form. I have been there a few months, and i think i did that form, just today, 10 times or more, the last one he said i was ok. Has yet to tell me my Sil lim Tao is ok

In my experience that is not toxic, that’s training. Heck, you give me to much praise i start wondering what you’re up to. I’m not there to be coddled.

 

[twistzipp]

I trained with my taijiquan Shifu for about 8 years before he said i got it right

My Wing Chun Sifu actually said i did ok today on the first part of the mook jong form. I have been there a few months, and i think i did that form, just today, 10 times or more, the last one he said i was ok. Has yet to tell me my Sil lim Tao is ok

In my experience that is not toxic, that’s training. Heck, you give me to much praise i start wondering what you’re up to. I’m not there to be coddled.

Yes. So in other words, ignore the background noise, focus and see it as the long road to the gradings as your goal.

 

[twistzipp]

There are inconsistencies in your story, or you didn't communicate it well. You've been going for a few weeks and have found your instructors encouraging. But you have been training for a long time and your instructors are not encouraging?

There's an old joke friends of mine would say, in which every line is a contradiction: "Want to hear a story I know nothing about? One dark night in the middle of the day, two men had an argument. They pulled out their swords and shot each other. Two deaf policemen heard all the noise, and came to rescue the two dead boys. Don't believe me? Ask the blind man in the corner, he saw it all."

This post reminds me of that story.

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Where there's fire there's ash, where there's ash there's nothing!!

 

[skribs]

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Where there's fire there's ash, where there's ash there's nothing!!

That doesn't address the inconsistencies I mentioned.

1) Have you been training for a few weeks, or have you been training for a long time?

This question is based on these excerpts from your post:

As a new student...I have been welcomed very warmly by everyone else...I have started training for a few weeks now and I am very enthusiastic.

However over the long run, I tend to see progress as a slow but manageable thing. Quite often, it's...something that will resolve over time...How can I continue...

The first line makes sound like you're not even a month in. The second makes it sound like you've been training for years. So which is it?

2) Have you been encouraged or discouraged by your instructors?

This question is based on these excerpts from your post:

I have been welcomed very warmly by everyone else...it seems the environment is very active and dynamic...I am very enthusiastic.

instructor fails to offer you any encouragement at all, and instead will only focus on your weakest points - to the point of being a narcissist.

The first makes it sound like you love the people there and feel part of the family, and that you're having fun. The second makes it sound like they hate newcomers. So again, which is it?

-----

There are a ton of possible ways we can interpret your post. We cannot give good advice if we don't know what's actually going on. It could be that you've been going for months and have an instructor that's been verbally abusing you. It could be that you've been there for a few weeks, did one technique wrong and got a correction on it and got upset that the instructor dare to expose an imperfection.

In the first case, the answer would be to leave and find a new gym where you feel a better vibe. In the second case, it would be that you're projecting your narcissism onto the instructor and you need to get over yourself.

If you're vague and contradictory, you're going to get questions like I asked and answers like those from Holmejr:

I’m sending you crayons and coloring books. Do this for yourself.

If your story makes sense and we have enough information to figure out what happened, we can make a much better judgment call and give you real advice.

 

[Buka]

I am not so sure how common this is within the general school of martial arts.
As a new student (and I feel I have to be very careful of the content I disclose on this forum) it seems to me that some instructors have a somewhat "toxic" culture within their dojos to pray or bully on those weakest students.

In the dojo school I attend, I have been welcomed very warmly by everyone else. Whilst it seems the environment is very active and dynamic, there are a few minor hurdles for me to overcome in training. I have started training for a few weeks now and I am very enthusiastic.

However over the long run, I tend to see progress as a slow but manageable thing. It find it rather disappointing when a certain high-rank dojo instructor fails to offer you any encouragement at all, and instead will only focus on your weakest points - to the point of being a narcissist.
Quite often, it's only common sense that prevails, or something that will resolve over time.
How can I continue to be respectful to this martial art and the teachers, in this unbalanced playing field?

How should I approach this if it persists? Is this a very common practice in all dojos; where everyone else turns a blind eye and you simply have to put-up with it?

As a dojo owner, it depends if you have a staff to help you when beginners start. We did.

Every newbie was met with respect and a kinship from our entire staff. Constantly encouraged and celebrated with enthusiasm. Sounds like a goodie two shoes kind of place, huh? It wasn’t. But by approaching it that way, hard work and crazy physical exercise, with staff members struggling along beside them, helped them stay and flourish. Beginners were constantly encouraged and celebrated. They appreciated it and a lot of them stayed.

Dojo etiquette was strict. But every one of us followed it. Newbies liked it because everyone practiced what they preached.

Spoke to one of my old students on Friday. We had a ball playing the remember so and so game. What they were like when they started and what they were like three, five and ten years later.

It didn’t matter how old they were or what kind of poor shape they were in. Everybody was trained a little differently dependent on their personalities and lack of physical attributes, but everyone was trained the same as for their inclusion, encouragement and respect.

Worked for us. But we were lucky, we had a staff.