Chuck Norris Humor

[Kong Soo Do]

If Chuck Norris was a country, the chief export would be pain.

 

[Kong Soo Do]

Hand sanitizer kills 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

If at first you don't succeed..you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

 

[arnisador]

Mary had a little lamb but Chuck Norris ate it.

 

[Makalakumu]

A long time ago, a woman asked Chuck Norris for a Money Shot, the result was the Milky Way.

 

[arnisador]

Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.

 

[jks9199]

Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.

I figured Chuck Norris runs, and the world spins underneath him.

 

[arnisador]

Well, when he does push-ups, he's actually pushing the earth down.

 

[jezr74]

Chuck Norris understands women


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[arnisador]

Chuck Noris can solve a rubik's cube with one roundhouse kick.

 

[rlobrecht]

This one's not really funny, but I thought it was a clever take on the theme.

 

[arnisador]

After Chuck Norris has sex, the whole neighborhood smokes a cigarette.

 

[Makalakumu]

Chuck Norris can make a woman orgasm by pointing his finger like a gun and saying, "booyah!"

 

[arnisador]

Sand is created by Chuck Norris shouting at rocks.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Chuck Norris can hear Lightning and see thunder

Chuck Norris counted to infinity....twice

 

[arnisador]

When a cop pulls Chuck Norris over, the cop tries to talk his way out of it.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Tornadoes are just Chuck Norris doing several spinning kicks.

Tornadoes are Chuck Norris just THINKING about doing a spinning kick.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Chuck Norris has only had one disciple...Superman.
Did you know Chuck Norris is a famous inventor? He created pain, agony, torture, puppies, and a way to combine them all.
Chuck Norris ran to the end of the world, but wasn't done running so the world became round

 

[SuperFLY]

http://youtu.be/Ib5Me3MTwx8?t=52s

^^

 

[Mauthos]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!