Best way to avoid a fight: shut your mouth

[Juany118]

The trick isn't to keep quiet or to be mouthy but to keep calm and say the right thing. One time I had to check the IDs of a bunch of drunk squaddies after an incident and who were just at that point where it could have turned very nasty so to see their IDs I just told them 'come on lads' get them out for me', now of course being squaddies they took this quite the wrong way, as I intended, I got a lot of ribald comments, lots of laughs but they showed their IDs with good grace and I could let them move on. A male colleague wasn't amused, he said he'd have ordered them to show ID and they would have damn well done it, he would have ordered back up and the dogs! Well, no they wouldn't have 'done it', his words and tone of voice would have taken them to the point where they would have turned, mine wasn't the way he would have done it but it did the job without grief. to me that is a result.
It does take confidence and it does take not letting the ego use your mouth but often the way to not get into trouble is to adjust your attitude.

Oh I know. It's something I prefer as well. You get much further with verbal judo than with MA

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I've noticed that bullying is often not physical. Now that fighting and contact are completely off limits, the nerdy kids are often the bullies because they don't fear any physical repercussion.

That was never my experience in school. I can't recall a single nerdy kid who was any more of a bully than the average - most were well below average in that behavior. The bullies were those who didn't fear physical repercussions, yes, but that's not the nerds. That was usually the popular kids (popular within their group), because they had people standing beside them who'd stop any repercussions.

 

[Headhunter]

I've noticed that bullying is often not physical. Now that fighting and contact are completely off limits, the nerdy kids are often the bullies because they don't fear any physical repercussion.

Absolutely there's some who think they're smart they're better than everyone and treat people who aren't as smart like dirt

 

[Steve]

That was never my experience in school. I can't recall a single nerdy kid who was any more of a bully than the average - most were well below average in that behavior. The bullies were those who didn't fear physical repercussions, yes, but that's not the nerds. That was usually the popular kids (popular within their group), because they had people standing beside them who'd stop any repercussions.

You're also more my age than of my kids who are much younger. I'm not talking about the seventies and eighties. I'm talking about schools now. And to be clear, I'm speaking from my experience, in the schools in this area. I haven't looked at national trends.

 

[Juany118]

That was never my experience in school. I can't recall a single nerdy kid who was any more of a bully than the average - most were well below average in that behavior. The bullies were those who didn't fear physical repercussions, yes, but that's not the nerds. That was usually the popular kids (popular within their group), because they had people standing beside them who'd stop any repercussions.

Maybe he is talking "today". I was a nerd, hell still am (watching Anime before I go to sleep after my shift). The kid who left Varsity Track (and thus no "letter") to dedicate myself to the fencing club. Read comics, played D&D and wrote poetry (even some published in college) etc. They stopped physically bullying me after the one time I "lost it" when someone tried and I picked up a chair in the class room and waffled em with it (apparently born for Kali and weapons of opportunity?). The psychological bullying didn't stop though when they realized I only "lost it" when confronted by physical violence. At the time I jokingly referred to it as this...I am German, Italian and Irish. The most violent nations on earth. I want to have a Reich in Europe, an Empire across the known world and conquer the corner pub.

On the "chair" incident luckily a majority of my fellows backed my self defense claim, along with broken glasses, or else I would have been screwed.

 

[Steve]

I want to add that bullying not always physical. The bullying in referring to is emotional and intellectual. And without fear of physical retaliation, the "nerdy" kids can get pretty mean without getting stuffed in a locker.

And cyber bullying creates an environment where some kids don't get relief from bullying. For some it can be relentless.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

You're also more my age than of my kids who are much younger. I'm not talking about the seventies and eighties. I'm talking about schools now. And to be clear, I'm speaking from my experience, in the schools in this area. I haven't looked at national trends.

I'd be interested in knowing if this is a common trend. It would be a fair reversal of what we saw growing up.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Maybe he is talking "today". I was a nerd, hell still am (watching Anime before I go to sleep after my shift). The kid who left Varsity Track (and thus no "letter") to dedicate myself to the fencing club. Read comics, played D&D and wrote poetry (even some published in college) etc. They stopped physically bullying me after the one time I "lost it" when someone tried and I picked up a chair in the class room and waffled em with it (apparently born for Kali and weapons of opportunity?). The psychological bullying didn't stop though when they realized I only "lost it" when confronted by physical violence. At the time I jokingly referred to it as this...I am German, Italian and Irish. The most violent nations on earth. I want to have a Reich in Europe, an Empire across the known world and conquer the corner pub.

On the "chair" incident luckily a majority of my fellows backed my self defense claim, along with broken glasses, or else I would have been screwed.

You know, we sound the same child with alternate endings, Juany. Right down to the poetry published in college and the D&D.

When I "lost it" the first time, I just started yanking kids off a friend who they had attacked. Apparently I learned enough body control in Judo that I was fairly tossing them around, though I was easily the smallest of them.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I want to add that bullying not always physical. The bullying in referring to is emotional and intellectual. And without fear of physical retaliation, the "nerdy" kids can get pretty mean without getting stuffed in a locker.

And cyber bullying creates an environment where some kids don't get relief from bullying. For some it can be relentless.

Cyber bullying is certainly something that takes the physical aspect out of it. It's something beyond my ken, but something I know kids have to deal with now. I suspect that changes much of the dynamics of bullying in general. I wonder if that is part of the reason for the difference you've observed.

 

[Steve]

Cyber bullying is certainly something that takes the physical aspect out of it. It's something beyond my ken, but something I know kids have to deal with now. I suspect that changes much of the dynamics of bullying in general. I wonder if that is part of the reason for the difference you've observed.

Could be. I think gender plays a role.

I have observed over the last 20 years that bullying isn't as clear cut as it was when we were kids. Its very possible that the kid who gets physical is the victims of bullying, and not the bully.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Could be. I think gender plays a role.

I have observed over the last 20 years that bullying isn't as clear cut as it was when we were kids. Its very possible that the kid who gets physical is the victims of bullying, and not the bully.

First, I started having agreements with Tames D. Now Steve and I are liking each others' posts. This is bull****.

 

[crazydiamond]

Not be to sexist but if we are talking non physical bully and abuse - emotional and psychological - girls are the f'ing WORST.

I raised one older daughter and still have a younger one - and the sick crap girls do to one another - ugh I would rather they tried to punch my daughter. I know it sounds wrong - but when I am dealing with the tears - I have kind of hinted she should just use her MMA training and take out one or two of those .....#%^$&@ girls

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Not be to sexist but if we are talking non physical bully and abuse - emotional and psychological - girls are the f'ing WORST.

I raised one older daughter and still have a younger one - and the sick crap girls do to one another - ugh I would rather they tried to punch my daughter. I know it sounds wrong - but when I am dealing with the tears - I have kind of hinted she should just use her MMA training and take out one or two of those .....#%^$&@ girls

I tend to have that reaction to any bullying. When I hear someone describe an experience of being bullied, I just want to wade in. Odd, for me, since I'm the nice guy and usually quite forgiving. Perhaps some PTSD from my youth as the object of bullying.

 

[Steve]

I tend to have that reaction to any bullying. When I hear someone describe an experience of being bullied, I just want to wade in. Odd, for me, since I'm the nice guy and usually quite forgiving. Perhaps some PTSD from my youth as the object of bullying.

I believe we have one or two posters around here who are serial bullies, and I tend to react poorly to them.

I think a visceral, emotional reaction to bullying is common among those who were bullied.

I also think the opposite is common, as well, where some people who were bullied as kids become bullies as adults.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I believe we have one or two posters around here who are serial bullies, and I tend to react poorly to them.

I think a visceral, emotional reaction to bullying is common among those who were bullied.

I also think the opposite is common, as well, where some people who were bullied as kids become bullies as adults.

That last is likely some of the same psychological dynamic that leads abused children to often become child abusers.

 

[Steve]

That last is likely some of the same psychological dynamic that leads abused children to often become child abusers.

Sure, or in some cases victims determined to no longer be victimized.

 

[Steve]

First, I started having agreements with Tames D. Now Steve and I are liking each others' posts. This is bull****.

Resistance is futile.

 

[Balrog]

Or avoid night clubs.

That's true. Of course, the best way to avoid fights is to never walk out your front door. If you never interact with others, then there is zero chance of getting in a fight.

Well, he's got a point there. A big part of self-protection is to not willingly put yourself in dangerous situations. And IMNSHO, anywhere where alcohol is involved is a potentially dangerous situation. I don't go into nightclubs, either.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Well, he's got a point there. A big part of self-protection is to not willingly put yourself in dangerous situations. And IMNSHO, anywhere where alcohol is involved is a potentially dangerous situation. I don't go into nightclubs, either.

That's a valid threat assessment and risk avoidance decision. For those who enjoy the nightclubs (I have some friends who really love going out to dance, for instance), knowing the risk and acting appropriately (being sure to present the least-offensive face to strangers, staying aware in this higher-risk environment, etc.) are reasonable mitigations.