Anyone ever get serious second thoughts/ doubts about the school that they chose?

[Carol]

You don't want to sustain a significant head injury, believe me.

That is, perhaps, the only situation that I can think of where knowledge and education can be taken away from you. You have to learn how to think again. You have to learn how to relate to people again, and understand how they relate to you. The memory loss associated with something can mean years of carrying a pad and paper to write down the most mundane things someone tells you to do. You have to re-learn how to remember. You have to vigorously take notes on the job, lest you not remember enough to do your responsibilities. You have to fight friends and loved ones thinking that you don't care about them because you can't what they shared with you in a conversation.......unless you write it down, which looks really weird.

And that's before any physical issues come in to play, such as neck pain, migraines, or worse.

You can always take your martial arts knowledge and build upon in one way or another. But please, don't risk your own health over this.

 

[K831]

Jenny_in_Chico, great post.

I agree, if the issue is the bully and the bully alone, then take a stand and don't let her drive you away from a school you like.

If the issue also includes a negligent/dishonest instructor, then don't waste time thinking about it any longer. Leave.

Martial arts instructors, in my experience, break down like this:

60% - Not really very good. Their missing some important pieces.

30% - Pretty good and worth training with. Good information and teaching skill.

10% - Wow. These few really know the material, have real experience, care about their students and can really teach. Plus the style fits YOU and so does the instructors personality.

The 10% group (which took me years to find) is the only type of school and instructor I would really fight to stay with. Of course, an instructor in this category WOULDN'T HAVE PUT YOU IN THIS SITUATION.

 

[TigerCraneGuy]

Dear Melissa,

Like most others here, I think you should leave.

Many have already given helpful opinions. FWIW, here are some more (at least I hope they're useful):

1) The true nature of self-defence (as stolen from Marc Animal Macyoung): If you do what you do for self-defence (I'm only assuming this as you spoke about multiple-attackers and the like), then always remember: if you're not there, then you cannot be hurt! Ahead lies danger, you circumvent it. Maneuver around it. Evade and escape it. In so doing, you have 'successfully' defended yourself. Avoidance is the most overlooked of defenses.

2) The odds are against you. The instructor, who is likely more skilled than you (just an assumption, not a slight of any sort), seems to be colluding with the bully. And her or his senior students might also be in on the deal. If you take her down just to prove a point, who's to say, they won't intervene on her side. Choose your battles wisely; don't let the enemy dictate. Given the unfair odds against you, I recommend you walk away from this one.

2) You become like her. If this is the sort of behaviour that is condoned and even lauded in your dojo, then in order to survive, you might have to become like your aggressor. A bully. A thug. Is this really what you want?

3) Lack of control. I train in a contact system. We don't tippy tap each other. We hit hard, but ultimately, we hit with control. In training, whether it be application-practice or freestyle sparring, we strike each other just hard enough to feel the sting, and to know that the technique actually works, but not hard enough to cause serious injury. Control... that's the key word in operation here. It keeps you from making serious mistakes, whether in the Dojo or in life itself. Your aggressor does not seem to possess this quality. And worse yet, your instructor doesn't appear to value it. Therefore, they are dangerous to be around, and you should remove yourself from their company quicksmart.

Hope this helps.

Best regards,
Ryan

 

[melissa27]

Hi Guys,
Thanks again for all of your thoughts & great responses. Believe me, I never really believed that she was so clueless that first time & after this last time, it just reinforced what I already knew. The only reason I didn't get into it with her after the first time was because I was made to believe that she was being dealt with by the higher ups. When it became obvious that wasn't the case after the second time, I confronted her and ripped her a new one & made it clear she was NEVER to go near my head & neck again. A higher ranking black belt & my instructor spoke with her after the second time too, yet AGAIN he wants me to work with her after I told him I wanted my space from her. I think she's manipulative and unbalanced & you guys know how it is, it can just take a second when you have someone with really bad focus, how quickly things can turn ugly. And the lead guy refused to get involved. When it comes down to it that's what it is, my trust has been broken & I feel betrayed, and it's the instructors I have an issue with at this point, not even her anymore.

p.s also, I do agree with Tigercraneguy, if I stay and am forced to deal with her and end up having to beat on her to 'prove' something, I will not only be doing the exact same thing as she , but who is to say that won't be turned around & used against me?

 

[suicide]

if you decided to leave THEN GO OUT WITH A BANG get some controlled payback i mean its only right %-} also dont just leave with out having a new place to go cause the down time can set you back you need to be on some SUN TZU ART OF WAR on this one ...

 

[KELLYG]

I think that an instructors job is to protect you from dangerous people like her. Your instructor knows that there is a problem between you and the other student. He was probably there when both incidences occurred. If you are being physically damaged and possibly permanently damaged, and he is doing nothing, then it is just as much at fault that you were hurt as she was. Obviously if he has "spoken" to her and their has been no change in behavior then she becomes all the more dangerous, because she knows that she can get away with it. I am afraid that if you stay then you will be in more danger because of it. Yes I like my school and it would take a lot to get me to leave. But I also like walking, talking, bathing, reading, eating etc.

 

[Live True]

Melissa,
I have only a small thing to add to the excellent advice that has already given (especially the "ah-ha" post from Jenny_in_Chico).

I recently left my sensei and found a new one, for reasons I also will not get into here. It was a very hard decision, in part because I knew there was much I could still learn from him and he is not a totally bad person. However, after discussing my concerns with him, with no resolution, I determined it was time for me to seek a teacher more suited to my needs.

I still stay in touch with him, as I may go back and learn from him again someday (my situation was nowhere near as dangerous as yours).

The wonderful thing, though, is that I have found a teacher who not only better suits my way of learning and my goals, but she pushes me harder than I have ever been pushed before...and I LOVE IT! I have learned more in two months with my new sensei than I did in 2 years with my old...and that has very little to do with either's teaching ability and everything to do with finding the RIGHT teacher for me.

So, while I realize you have a lot invested in your current school, I would agree that you should seriously consider moving on to another, as your safety is paramount.

But realize this doesn't have to be a loss. It appears you've made your instructors aware of your concerns. So leave, if possible, without rancor, and a "we shall see what the future holds" attitude.

Then visit several schools, observe the teachers and students. Talk with both afterwards if you can. Try out a few schools before committing to one. Also, consider seeking out more private dojos or instructors that may or may not be affiliated with a school, if you find that option available and comfortable to you. The same, observe/ask/try mode follows in one on one or small groups as in formal schools.

Hopefully, you will find a new training situation that not only feeds your learning, meets your goals, and challenges you....but feeds the heart and soul that drives you to train as well!

 

[Jenny_in_Chico]

When it became obvious that wasn't the case after the second time, I confronted her and ripped her a new one & made it clear she was NEVER to go near my head & neck again.

Excellent! That sets my mind at rest. You tried your best to protect yourself, and your only mistake lay in trusting your sensei to do his job. Suckage that he didn't. So you can leave with a clear mind, because your mistakes were based on you being true to your personal integrity.

My sensei is in that 10% = awesome. I'm lucky as hell.

 

[suicide]

by the way melissa , is your teacher the one that had one of his black belts so called brutally beat some homeless mental case off the streets 25 years ago ? %-}

 

[melissa27]

Suicide- I don't think so!! Not sure about that one..

Everyone who answered the thread, I will go back and give a 'thanks' to all of you when I get a chance, I really appreciate all of your great advice. You all gave me lots to think about.

Yeah, the hard part is, this wasn't overall negative experience at this school, most of my experience here has been positive and I learned a lot and I feel so torn up right now. And even with this situation, it wasn't totally black & white, you know how it is when someone hurts you or something bad happens, sometimes there is just enough gray area there to make you question yourself, especially when you are being told one thing but are seeing another reality and you start questioning your own sanity. I'm going to take the next month or so to do some thinking, maybe train with some friends of mine here at my house so I don't start forgetting what I learned, check out what else is out there.

Thanks again, everyone..

 

[melissa27]

oh, and Jenny, not only did I gladly, and finally, rip her a new one, but she was totally reduced to tears and crying by the end of class. heehee...

 

[Jenny_in_Chico]

oh, and Jenny, not only did I gladly, and finally, rip her a new one, but she was totally reduced to tears and crying by the end of class. heehee...

Niiiiiiiiiice...