Anyone ever get serious second thoughts/ doubts about the school that they chose?

[melissa27]

If so, what kind of thing made you, or would make you, leave? I've been in my system for a few years now, and was pretty severly injured during my last test and do not like how it was handled. It's been a few months now and I just can't seen to get past it. I'm considering looking around for another school, but have invested all of this time and effort into this one & feel very torn. Any insights or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

 

[yorkshirelad]

If so, what kind of thing made you, or would make you, leave? I've been in my system for a few years now, and was pretty severly injured during my last test and do not like how it was handled. It's been a few months now and I just can't seen to get past it. I'm considering looking around for another school, but have invested all of this time and effort into this one & feel very torn. Any insights or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Melissa, if you feel uncomfortable or (even worse) endangered leave. At the very least you should have a sit down chat with the owner/chief instructor in the studio. You are there to learn and to enjoy pracise. If you have to pay a tariff to dread going training and be frightened when you get there then you will do yourself no good by merely coping.

Go and shop around at different school. The school that you are at right now maybe perfectly fine, but just not good for you. The longer you leave this the worse it will get if you don't act now. I'm sorry you have to feel this way, but it's a common occurance in Martial Arts.
Good luck

 

[still learning]

Hello, ONE has to believe in there training and Instructors/Sensi's and the systems....

Trust your instincts....there are many great "other" systems out there...

Yes...I too left after 11 years...won't go into details....my choice here..

Aloha,

PS: like a jobs...sometimes...moving on? ...is a good thing! ONE got to be happy or it will stink!

 

[melissa27]

Thanks, guys. Without going into too many details either, I will say that my instincts have been going off all over the place, especially since this same person who hurt me went after me a second time in a vulnerable area. I feel like a fool for ever thinking they had my back on this. Not only was it not respected that I wanted my space from this person who hurt me after I came within an inch of my life that first time, but I was led to believe that this person was being dealt with and now I'm seeing that this wasn't the case at all (even after it came out that this person was a real problem student where she came from...she's relatively new to my area & has a serious focus problem). I'm seeing now I was just made to think this to placate me. What really pisses me off is that I am a very dedicated student, rarely missed class, put my blood, sweat and tears into it and worked my *** off, even made it all the way to black belt, put my trust in them after I was hurt, and now I feel like I've been backed into a corner and they are leaving me no choice but to go start all over again somewhere else (I've been over & over this with my instructor). I'm so angry.

 

[Tez3]

Melissa, it's time to leave, as has been said you don't go there to made uncomfortable or be put in danger. This isn't your problem, it's theirs. Your dedication isn't lost or wasted you will find a new focus with a new school/club where your experience will be appreciated. You won't be starting all over again more changing paths something which can be beneficial at any time not just in bad times, you will be widening your martial arts knowledge as well as recharging your martial arts life.
Find somewhere more to your liking, either talk to your present instructor or if he won't listen write to him let him know exactly how you feel. If you want to make it a very strong letter you don't even have to send it, just get the anger out of your system, you can always edit it afterwards and then send it!
Do, though, let us know how you are getting on!

 

[Steve]

Agreed with the others. It's hard to start over. While my situation doesn't seem as severe as yours, I was in a school for years in which I had growing concerns. Leaving was hard for several reasons, but once I did, I've not once regretted it. I am so much happier in my training now.

If you don't look forward to going to class, you are in the WRONG class. Period. It's not an obligation and you don't "owe" the school or the instructor anything beyond whatever legal/contractual issues you've worked out.

Just to add to that, some things you don't owe him: an explanation or a debt of gratitude for the time he "invested" in you. You also don't need to help him out of a lurch. Often, particularly with longer term students, they will pressure you into taking on greater responsibility within the school, possibly teaching classes or helping out. Unless you're being paid, you don't even owe him 2 weeks notice.

Good luck.

 

[melissa27]

Just to add to that, some things you don't owe him: an explanation or a debt of gratitude for the time he "invested" in you. You also don't need to help him out of a lurch. Often, particularly with longer term students, they will pressure you into taking on greater responsibility within the school, possibly teaching classes or helping out. Unless you're being paid, you don't even owe him 2 weeks notice.

Good luck.

*Thanks, guys.*

Everything you guys are saying is what I have already been thinking for a while, and there had been a few other things that were also red flags so this isn't an isolated incident. And I totally feel like I owe them something/ there's a debt of gratitude (& I have also gotten to the point where I am teaching), as stated in the above quote, mixed right along in with the anger & betrayal.

Let me ask, how on earth do I go about looking for a new school/system? Any tips/advice/knowledge from personal experiences?
This is the only system I have ever been in & don't even know where to begin..

 

[blackxpress]

Are there other schools in the same or similar system that you could go to? If so, you would not be starting over. Far from it. I'm just wondering if the trouble you're having is specific to that particular school and not the style itself.

 

[Tensei85]

If so, what kind of thing made you, or would make you, leave? I've been in my system for a few years now, and was pretty severly injured during my last test and do not like how it was handled. It's been a few months now and I just can't seen to get past it. I'm considering looking around for another school, but have invested all of this time and effort into this one & feel very torn. Any insights or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Yea, pretty much echo the advice already given:

But I left a School that I had spent 12 year's in, like "still learning" won't go into the full details.

But if your uncomfortable there, I would recommend this:

1. Take it up with the Instructor- let him know your feeling straight up. (in this case you do pay for his/her instructions, so you are in titled to atleast an opinion & resolution)

2. If no resolution is made, I would say weigh out the circumstances.

a. Don't ever let the Instructor make you feel that he/she is the only one qualified enough to teach you. (that's a long stretch but I have found Teachers that make there students feel that without them, they won't obtain any progress as only they are true teachers, etc...)

b. Can you find what your looking for in another school with a better suited more comfortable environment?

c. Take that step back and look into the reasons as to why you want to pursue Martial Arts training, check around... find another teacher and tell them exactly what you are looking to get out of before you even start.
So that way there will be no surprises hopefully...

As far as looking for a new school, its definitely not easy but as said before.

Make a list of everything you expect, then arrange a meeting after looking into what system(s) you would like to study. Tell the Sifu/Sensei... each of these expectations that you have as a potential student, try a class- see if the environment, students, teachers meet your expectations.

And get a recommendation, check around see what the potential School's reputation is with the Martial Art's community, better yet with the community around them.

It's a long process but my suggestion is don't take it lightly, If you can find a good Instructor that can transmit knowledge and provide you with results. Than he/she is truly invaluable, much better than spending decades with a Teacher that doesn't have the same qualities or doesn't care about there students and only see's them as a $$$ sign's.

So take your time, have patience, there are a lot of good Teacher's (quite a few of them are on this forum) so check the locations and see what is offered in your area.

Best of luck!

 

[Steve]

Well, I posted a response and the internet ate it. Suffice to say, I would recommend that you be honest with yourself about why you're training, what you expect to learn or gain, and what really bothered you about your old school.

For example, I hated testing every 3 months whether I felt ready or not. I hated the phony honorifics and the way I felt like I was play acting more than exercising. I didn't enjoy hitting people although I don't mind being hit as much. I realized that I didn't care one whit about self defence, and just wanted to have fun training, get rewarded with promotion without fanfare only when I had earned it and get a good workout with people I like. BJJ is a perfect fit for me.

The key for you is figuring out what's a perfect fit for you. Some people really like the uniforms and the formality. Whatever suits your needs.

 

[Steve]

Yea, pretty much echo the advice already given:

But I left a School that I had spent 12 year's in, like "still learning" won't go into the full details.

But if your uncomfortable there, I would recommend this:

1. Take it up with the Instructor- let him know your feeling straight up. (in this case you do pay for his/her instructions, so you are in titled to atleast an opinion & resolution)

I would not recommend this in most cases for a couple of reasons. First, if you think it will in any way reinforce that you're doing something wrong, i wouldn't do it. Second, if you think it would in any way lead to burning a bridge, I wouldn't do it. Third, if you think that there's any way he might talk you into staying even though you KNOW that this would be the wrong thing for you, I wouldn't do it. Finally, it puts the onus on you to confront your instructor. You may handle this well, but most people will, when cornered, completely unload. It is very likely that once you start "letting him know your feelings" you will dump every grievance and problem, opening the floodgates, so to speak. While he may handle it graciously, I wouldn't count on it. Letting him know that you're leaving is usually the polite thing to do, but as I said before, you do not owe him an explanation, even though he will likely ask you for one.

2. If no resolution is made, I would say weigh out the circumstances.

Only if you're interested in a resolution other than leaving the school.

 

[suicide]

If so, what kind of thing made you, or would make you, leave? I've been in my system for a few years now, and was pretty severly injured during my last test and do not like how it was handled. It's been a few months now and I just can't seen to get past it. I'm considering looking around for another school, but have invested all of this time and effort into this one & feel very torn. Any insights or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

these things happen , like 2 years ago a heavy set female did SEOI NAGE : judo throw on me in class she lost her balance after executing it and fell with her elbow right into my chest it hurt in a funny way cause i laff´d it off but it took me like 5 to 6 months to get over it - everytime i inhaled it hurt everytime i did anything it HURT but that didnt stop me from going hard i used what ever i could to get better THE POINT IS DONT LET THAT STOP YOU - GO HARD ´LET EM KNOW YOU AINT NO JOKE GO TO CLASS AND GET YOUR ISSUE flip those negative FEELINGS into positive ones AND WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY ARISES - HANDLE YOUR BUISNESS :shooter:

 

[Tensei85]

I would not recommend this in most cases for a couple of reasons. First, if you think it will in any way reinforce that you're doing something wrong, i wouldn't do it. Second, if you think it would in any way lead to burning a bridge, I wouldn't do it. Third, if you think that there's any way he might talk you into staying even though you KNOW that this would be the wrong thing for you, I wouldn't do it. Finally, it puts the onus on you to confront your instructor. You may handle this well, but most people will, when cornered, completely unload. It is very likely that once you start "letting him know your feelings" you will dump every grievance and problem, opening the floodgates, so to speak. While he may handle it graciously, I wouldn't count on it. Letting him know that you're leaving is usually the polite thing to do, but as I said before, you do not owe him an explanation, even though he will likely ask you for one.

Only if you're interested in a resolution other than leaving the school.

I understand your opinion but to me it's better to be straight up and forward with one's thoughts as opposed to just leaving without reason. This serve's as info for the Instructor to correct his/her teaching methods & possibly not make the same mistake with future students. This is a tad disrespectful however, but it's important to be truthful as opposed to be like yea, yea everything's fine (when its not) or just take off & leave.

That's my opinion just for how I would handle it, (definitely not to be taken as truth, & in reality probably not recommended) but that's how I react. But either way it is important for Instructors to have students opinions as to how they are doing or how they can improve- in a perfect world lol! Probably not very applicable however.

 

[artFling]

It sounds like you're ready to leave. This might be a good time to look in to a different yet complimentary system. It wouldn't be like starting over because (and I don't know what system you are training in) you already know how to throw a front kick, round kick, reverse punch, etc. You already probably have very good balance. You know the basic stances. Therefore you'll learn the new material much more quickly. Sure you'll have to unlearn some things that they do differently. I've learned that in going from TKD to Kaju. Kaju has no back stances and I automatically drop into a back stance when I'm training in kaju when I should be in a horse. I'm rambling, I know. Find something new, where you won't be expected to teach (if you don't want to), and your brain will get happy.

 

[Xinglu]

these things happen , like 2 years ago a heavy set female did SEOI NAGE : judo throw on me in class she lost her balance after executing it and fell with her elbow right into my chest it hurt in a funny way cause i laff´d it off but it took me like 5 to 6 months to get over it - everytime i inhaled it hurt everytime i did anything it HURT but that didnt stop me from going hard i used what ever i could to get better THE POINT IS DONT LET THAT STOP YOU - GO HARD ´LET EM KNOW YOU AINT NO JOKE GO TO CLASS AND GET YOUR ISSUE flip those negative FEELINGS into positive ones AND WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY ARISES - HANDLE YOUR BUISNESS :shooter:

Accidents happen and that is one thing. Malicious attempts to injure, that something completely different. However, I get the distinct impression that the problem student is intentionally going after the OP and did not accidentally injure her... the behavioral recidivism is a testament to that. Maliciousness has no place in training.

 

[Xinglu]

As to finding a new school, what style are you learning? Is their another school that teaches that style or something similar?

 

[suicide]

you shouldnt be the one that has to leave ! this is one of those times that defines who you really are CONFRONT YOUR LIMITATIONS AND GO HARD ! do not turn back under no circumstances ESPECIALLY A BULLY thats what MA is all about NO PAIN NO GAIN after that its all to the good :whip1:

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

A student should not feel threaten in the Dojo everyone should feel safe and safety is a primary concern. Your teacher sounds like he did not display proper disciplinary actions on the other student in question so your anger is in the right. Others have said to leave I agree you are better off with someone who truly cares for their students wellbeing. A teacher is like a father/mother figure in some arts he or she should have concern for the wellbeing for all his or her students.

As for finding a new school it is easier then you think. Martial talk has many dedicated members who can help find a school that is right for you and answer any questions you may have.

Now if you will excuse me I am going to watch Maid Deka my hero....

 

[Marginal]

these things happen , like 2 years ago a heavy set female did SEOI NAGE : judo throw on me in class she lost her balance after executing it and fell with her elbow right into my chest it hurt in a funny way cause i laff´d it off but it took me like 5 to 6 months to get over it - everytime i inhaled it hurt everytime i did anything it HURT but that didnt stop me from going hard i used what ever i could to get better THE POINT IS DONT LET THAT STOP YOU - GO HARD ´LET EM KNOW YOU AINT NO JOKE GO TO CLASS AND GET YOUR ISSUE flip those negative FEELINGS into positive ones AND WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY ARISES - HANDLE YOUR BUISNESS :shooter:

If someone say, broke my leg in the middle of a class to make a point, and then the instructor just told me what they thought I wanted to hear and in reality did nothing about it, I would not let that pass.

I would GO HARD to another school. Possibly GO HARD after the offender's pocketbook via court.

 

[Xinglu]

you shouldnt be the one that has to leave ! this is one of those times that defines who you really are CONFRONT YOUR LIMITATIONS AND GO HARD ! do not turn back under no circumstances ESPECIALLY A BULLY thats what MA is all about NO PAIN NO GAIN after that its all to the good :whip1:

Ah but the instructor is unwilling to do anything about this, and bad blood should not exist in the training hall. She is taking the honorable route and removing herself from the problem since the problem will not be removed from the school.