Anger and the Stoics

[Prince_Alarming]

There was a young person from Bude
Who was habitually crude...

 

[HighKick]

While in Athens recently, I was reading about the Stoic philosophers and their ideas. I came across some ideas on ‘not getting angry’ and some of them chimed with Eastern philosophy, with which I’m a bit more familiar. I thought I’d share them with you, especially when posts become heated on here. Point 3 is something I regularly use and a famous maxim from swordsmanship suggests a confrontation should resolved with the ‘sword remaining in the scabbard.’ If these don’t help, judicious use of the ignore button will

1) Reframe Insults- we suffer more in imagination than in reality. Insults only hurt because we allow them to. When someone says something offensive, ask yourself, '...is this really about me?'
People's negativity reflects there own struggles and not your worth. Practise seeing Insults as 'noise'…words that don't have any real impact upon you. The next time someone says something that offends you, pause and say to yourself, 'this is their problem, not mine.'

2) Control what you can, ignore what you can't. Other people's words, actions and opinions are completely outside our control, but our response is entirely up to us. If you understand this, you can ignore what does matter and concentrate upon what does; your own peace of mind. The next time someone upsets us, as yourself, 'is this in my control?' If not, let it go!

3) Practise negative visualisation. Mentally prepare for worst case scenarios. If you prepare your mind for potential Insults, criticisms or disrespect before they happen, they lose their sting when they do. Marcus Aurulieus did this daily reminding himself that today, he will encounter people who are selfish, rude and arrogant but I but I will not let it disturb my peace.

4) Respond with indifference. Nothing frustrates an angry person more than someone who refuses to react. If provoked, respond with calm indifference and their power over you will disappear, like a fire without oxygen. Simply smile and walk away.

5) Strengthen your mind through daily discipline. Meditate, think of when you felt anger creeping in and how you could have responded better, practise self-reflection. The more self-aware you become, the harder it becomes for others to disturb your calm.

All of these are certainly good philosophical concepts. However, there are many times a person has to be more strategic about their conversation.
Without going into a long list of methods, one very effective strategy is intentionally invoking a reaction from a comment you make (often called a knee-jerk reaction). In a nutshell, it is hard to get to the truth or root cause with people sometimes. I see this (and use this) both in my legal and engineering pursuits.