Loki said:
I just checked the book to confirm what I thought.
The story of Searing can be found on pages 157-9 in my paperback edition.
One thing that is very different from his case and the case of the 12 year old is that Searing never ignored a call to stop writing letters. At the bottom of page 158 continuing on to 159 DeBecker points out, "it is interesting to note that The Tonight Show made no effort to stop Searing from writing letters."
In this case, the kid was told that there was no interest and still kept on coming. I don't like to use psyco- babble speak, but it sounds like he does not respect other people's boundries. He thinks he can ignore a person saying no and wear them down with persistence.
And you want to reward that behavior and expect him not to continue with something that has worked for him in the past?
I can't find it right now, but there is a story that DeBecker tells in the book about how he flew on a plane and noticed a guy with prison tattoos putting the move on a woman. While waiting for luggage, he took the chance while the guy was out of the area for a second to tell her something like, "he is going to make a suggestion that you don't want to do and will not take no for an answer."
This kid is not taking no for an answer. No means no. As a father there is no way a kid who does not listen while my daughter says no is going to come near her. If she had not let it be known that she was not interested, then things might be different. But once the line is drawn in the sand, anyone who does not respect the will of the other person is not one that should be encouraged, rewarded or even treated like a fully evolved human.
