I like many of the answers I have received on this thread. I'm not sure if I'm dealing with more seasoned martial artists or just ones who are more grappling oriented, but are there some specific tricks anyone can recommend or perhaps helpful books? I no longer study at my former dojang. Also just to be clear I'm not knocking wrist locks as i have found many openings for them, but I just can't seem to get the lock to stick. I have tried attacking the tendons in the wrist to apply these locks with some success, but not what I'm looking for.
IMO, I'd avoid the books and tapes and dvds, and seek out someone who does: Aikido, Filipino arts, Japanese JJ, Hapkido, etc. You really need someone to show the fine points of these locks.
Perhaps I'm just being to gentle when I perform them, but I really don't want to go any harder in practice for fear of injury.
Sometimes you just need to not be so gentle. Now, I'm not saying to bust up the guys wrist or arm, but you need to put a little more into it.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to test these safely, but still have a half way realistic struggle?
See my comment above. Like I said earlier, the majority of the time, unless I'm working on a specific lock, ie: doing something from a grab, I usually try to let the lock come to me, rather than me going to look for it.