IMHO, I think its a bad idea to force kids to train. I've seen this many times....parent brings kid in for intro lesson, kid has the attention span of a fly, showing obvious disinterest. I tell the parent that perhaps they should wait, but they want to try anyways. Kid shows no interest in class, and takes away from the other students learning. Parent suggests private lessons. Of course, the same result happens. Eventualy the parent does what they should've done in the first place....wait until the child has more interest.
Would You Force Your Child to Study Karate?
- Thread starter dancingalone
- Start date
IMHO, I think its a bad idea to force kids to train. I've seen this many times....parent brings kid in for intro lesson, kid has the attention span of a fly, showing obvious disinterest. I tell the parent that perhaps they should wait, but they want to try anyways. Kid shows no interest in class, and takes away from the other students learning. Parent suggests private lessons. Of course, the same result happens. Eventualy the parent does what they should've done in the first place....wait until the child has more interest.
Here are the differences, IMO:
If the child doesn't go to school, they'll most likely end up in a dead end, min. wage job. You at the least, need a HS diploma or GED. The child, if they choose to not engage in the martial arts, or any other sport, isn't going to fail in life. Yes, I fully understand the benefits of training, but again, the child isn't going to fail in life, if they dont play football, baseball or do (insert any martial art here)
And I agree, and kids, especially in todays world, need to exerices, so they dont turn into porkers. However, forcing them do to something they dont want, vs. helping them find something they do like...well, it should be obvious that the kid will most likely put forth more effort and want to do that activity more often, if its something THEY like, not something YOU like. If they dont want to do the martial arts, but want to play football, at least they're not sitting in front of the tv and they're being active.
Example: I've been training in the arts for over 20yrs. I was training long before I met my wife. My wife really doesnt have any interest in the arts, but fully supports my training. I'm not going to force her to learn to defend herself or train for the sake of exercise. However, 3 times a week, she works out at the gym, walks with the dog. Thats stuff that SHE likes.
See the difference?
Interesting post, me and my girlfriend were arguing about this. I said i want all my kids training in karate, she said thats fine if they want to, and that just struck me wrong, so i replied with, "if they like it or not".
But of course that got me thinking, someone who doesnt like karate will most likely not being good at it, or would stop as soon as he is old enough.
I always reasoned that i would be the type of dad to tell stories to my kids since i did with with my neice (and i did train her in kickboxing). So i'd add stories about karate, stories of martial arts history, make karate fun while their young so they can associate it as something fun to do over it being a repeatetive chore, while i gradually increased the training as they age.
My cousin has a blackbelt in shotokan, he hated karate. We would be playing in the streets in brooklyn and his dad would grab him and take him to train and he hated it. I definetly dont want that, and I motivated him recently to train in martial arts, and he is seriously thinking about it, but he said no karate... obviously this stems from his upbringing and feeling forced to do it as a kid.
But of course that got me thinking, someone who doesnt like karate will most likely not being good at it, or would stop as soon as he is old enough.
I always reasoned that i would be the type of dad to tell stories to my kids since i did with with my neice (and i did train her in kickboxing). So i'd add stories about karate, stories of martial arts history, make karate fun while their young so they can associate it as something fun to do over it being a repeatetive chore, while i gradually increased the training as they age.
My cousin has a blackbelt in shotokan, he hated karate. We would be playing in the streets in brooklyn and his dad would grab him and take him to train and he hated it. I definetly dont want that, and I motivated him recently to train in martial arts, and he is seriously thinking about it, but he said no karate... obviously this stems from his upbringing and feeling forced to do it as a kid.
Marginal
Senior Master
Seems like it'd make more sense to ask him it he's interested in Karate lessons before you start whipping him in the backyard.
Bruno@MT
Senior Master
I'd say no, don't.
I have 2 daughters.
The oldest (almost 5) is a very emotional / sensitive type of girl who loves hearts, thinks pink is the best color for everything, and loves everything to do with princes and princesses. As soon as she can swim the 25 m (she is taking swimming lessons), she wants to take up ballet. My youngest is more likely to take up MA, and if she wants I will gladly support that too. I don't care what they do. The only rule is they have to engage in some kind of physical activity, be it ballet, rugby (there is a girl rugby team here), martial arts or something else.
People come in different personalities. What is right for one is not automatically right for the other. Forcing MA on them against their wishes would be as wrong as forcing them to become a doctor or forcing them to take over the family business.
I am going to make sure that both of them know how to make a proper fist, and how to place a solid hit on a heavy bag. A couple of basics that everybody should know. That is part of teaching them the basics, just like we teach them the colors, how to ride a bicycle, etc... Things everybody should know. If they want to take it further I will gladly support it, just as I would support a choice for ballet or rugby.
Bruno@MT
Senior Master
My brother and I, as well as my sisters were force to take music lessons and learn to play an instrument. I really hated it and got out as soon as I could.
Also if you force someone to take up anything, they will feel miserable for having to do it, will hate every second of it, will not fit in with the rest of the class, and will spoil it for them.
Bruno@MT
Senior Master
I fully agree with teaching the basics.
I will teach my girls how to make a good fist and land a decent punch on a heavy bag. Some basic escape principles as well. That is part of being a good parent.
However, if they are not interested beyond that, forcing them to do that is trying to force your own interest on someone who has different interests. Kinda like forcing your kids to become a doctor because you are one and think it is the best thing for everyone.
You mention table manners.
Your parents taught you how to use a knife, fork and spoon, and some basic table manners. They did not send you to etiquette school to learn to use every knife, fork and spoon imaginable which are used in complex 12 course dinners with seafood, snails, cheese and other food needing special instruments and different ways of using those. Such places teach you where all the little forks should be placed, where the 7 different glasses should be located and how to do the hundreds of different things that would make an etiquette purist cringe if you did them wrong.
I've got two kids and I have pretty much left it up to them in regards to martial arts. We do a lot of "karate play" where we take some training tools and do some fun things that happen to look a lot like training. When they are a little older, they will probably want to train with daddy because of that.
The only exception to this rule is firearms. I did not give my children the choice in that regard. Since they are in my house, they have to know the rules, know how to be safe, and the basics of shooting.
The only exception to this rule is firearms. I did not give my children the choice in that regard. Since they are in my house, they have to know the rules, know how to be safe, and the basics of shooting.
blindsage
Master of Arts
There's a lot of "I was forced to do 'x' when I was a kid and I hated it," comments, but a lot of people who are the best at what they do are that way because their parents made them do it from a young age. Now, I'm not saying that's necessarily the right approach, but there are all kinds of benefits to learning things as a child that you don't want to, which will give you amazing benefits for the rest of your life. I know a family who forced all three children to learn classical Russian piano their whole childhood. One of them is now an amazing DJ and hip hop producer, another is going into film, and the last is still in high school. They didn't all enjoy learning piano all the time, but they say they have benefitted significantly from it.
These things aren't just about survival, or about forcing children to do what you want vs. what they want, it's about giving them the best advantages and skills to succeed in life. I don't just want my children in MA, I also will require them to learn an instrument, not so they can be concert performers, but so they can gain the manifest life benefits that come with an understanding of music. I will require them to excel in their education, not just learn to read and write for the same reason. I will strongly encourage them to participate in organized sports, for the same reason. None of these things have to do with strict survival skills or with pushing them into my interests. They all have to do with giving my children the best experiences and skills to be able to have the richest, most productive lives I am able to. They may not always like or appreciate it at the time, but the job of a parent isn't to conform to the will of a 5 yr old, it's to raise them well.
All that being said, it's not about being the Gestapo with your children. There has to be loving, compassionate communication constantly and a strong, engaged relationship from a young age. There has to be a balance. There is room for age appropriate consultation on some issues, and they do need some room to learn how to make decision for themselves, and learn how to have a strong, independent personality (IMHO). But these things do not preclude engaging them in required activities that will teach them skills and give them experiences that will benefit them significantly throughout their lives.
Balance, balance, balance. There has to be both compassionate understanding and firm boundaries. Most of us lean too far one way or the other. And take the poor example of our parents (including mine) to justify extremes in the way we raise our own children.
These things aren't just about survival, or about forcing children to do what you want vs. what they want, it's about giving them the best advantages and skills to succeed in life. I don't just want my children in MA, I also will require them to learn an instrument, not so they can be concert performers, but so they can gain the manifest life benefits that come with an understanding of music. I will require them to excel in their education, not just learn to read and write for the same reason. I will strongly encourage them to participate in organized sports, for the same reason. None of these things have to do with strict survival skills or with pushing them into my interests. They all have to do with giving my children the best experiences and skills to be able to have the richest, most productive lives I am able to. They may not always like or appreciate it at the time, but the job of a parent isn't to conform to the will of a 5 yr old, it's to raise them well.
All that being said, it's not about being the Gestapo with your children. There has to be loving, compassionate communication constantly and a strong, engaged relationship from a young age. There has to be a balance. There is room for age appropriate consultation on some issues, and they do need some room to learn how to make decision for themselves, and learn how to have a strong, independent personality (IMHO). But these things do not preclude engaging them in required activities that will teach them skills and give them experiences that will benefit them significantly throughout their lives.
Balance, balance, balance. There has to be both compassionate understanding and firm boundaries. Most of us lean too far one way or the other. And take the poor example of our parents (including mine) to justify extremes in the way we raise our own children.
OP
OP
dancingalone
Grandmaster
You wrote the post of the thread in my opinion, blindsage. Thanks for saying what I lacked the eloquence to do so myself.
I wouldn't force my kids to study karate. I do, however, force them to go to class when they whine about it--once they start a session (sessions are about 3 months long) they are required to finish it. My younger son has trouble with transitions (leaving one place to go to another, stopping or starting an activity); he has since he was tiny. So getting him out of the house to go to class can be difficult, but once he's in the car, he's happy as a lark. He is getting better, with consistent and constant work from me and his dad.
Maiden_Ante
Yellow Belt
I'm soon 18, and started when I was 16. I've never been a sports person but a book-reader. You should take him to Karate class, and if he's lazy then drag him there - personally I really feel Karate has given me better knowledge of my body and it's limits. It rewarding to say the least, and Karate is good in the way that anyone can do it, at any age, and not have to feel any pressure since it's such an individual activity.
The other day, my children approached me and asked me if I would start teaching them karate. I reminded them that last time I had class for them, they lost interest and wanted to do other things. They said they wanted to try it again, so I obliged. Now, every Wednesday after school, we will be having a karate class at our house. If they do well and stick with it, I told them they can invite their friends. We'll see how it goes and we'll see how it grows.
SahBumNimRush
Master of Arts
I have no children yet, but this subject has came up with my wife before. I will enroll my future children in my classes, just as they have to go to school to learn, they will go to class to learn martial science. I firmly believe that it offers much more than just the physical aspect. All of my students are honor roll students, and many of them were not prior to studying martial arts.
When they are in High School, they are getting closer to making their own decisions on the matter, and that is a different topic altogether. But by then, they will probably be hooked
I started studying Moo Duk Kwan TKD at the age of 5. It took me 7 years to earn my black belt, and the first few years the only thing I thought I was really learning how to do was push-ups. I was the one who begged my parents to enroll me in classes to begin with, and it was a valuable lesson to "finish what you start."
I will always be thankful that my parents didn't let me quit until I was a black belt. For me, then I was hooked, 24 years later I am now teaching my own students.. .
When they are in High School, they are getting closer to making their own decisions on the matter, and that is a different topic altogether. But by then, they will probably be hooked
I started studying Moo Duk Kwan TKD at the age of 5. It took me 7 years to earn my black belt, and the first few years the only thing I thought I was really learning how to do was push-ups. I was the one who begged my parents to enroll me in classes to begin with, and it was a valuable lesson to "finish what you start."
I will always be thankful that my parents didn't let me quit until I was a black belt. For me, then I was hooked, 24 years later I am now teaching my own students.. .
"As a father of an only child, I try to strike a balance between being too strict and being too permissive. I only want the best for my son."
I put a white belt on and took my 5 yeard old son to a school and did the program with him. It was fun to go back through the basics and do it as partners in training versus do as I say : )
I put a white belt on and took my 5 yeard old son to a school and did the program with him. It was fun to go back through the basics and do it as partners in training versus do as I say : )
