What the Company Really Means when it says things
"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some overtime each night and some overtime each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Everyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED:" Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
What a Potential Employee Means:
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.
"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:" I've used Microsoft Office.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer.
"WHEN YOU NEED ME I'M THERE:" I'm there -- not here!
"I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm gone!
"I AM ON THE GO:" You'll never find me at my desk.
"I AM CONSTANTLY ON THE GO:" I have serious intestinal problems.
"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some overtime each night and some overtime each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Everyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED:" Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
What a Potential Employee Means:
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.
"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:" I've used Microsoft Office.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer.
"WHEN YOU NEED ME I'M THERE:" I'm there -- not here!
"I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm gone!
"I AM ON THE GO:" You'll never find me at my desk.
"I AM CONSTANTLY ON THE GO:" I have serious intestinal problems.
