I have heard different opinions on the student/instructor relationship and was wondering what everyone here thinks about it.
There are many ways to convey knowledge to another person. "Buddies" hanging out together, experimenting, and learning as peers is one way. Even if one takes on the roll of the "teacher" there is an atmosphere of contemporaries that lacks a level of discipline, respect, and seniority that I believe is the bedrock of successful Martial Art instruction.
I know that some will say they are casual but have all the discipline and respect of other schools, but it has been my experience (over 30 years) that such informal teaching environments are like building a skyscraper on sand. The first floor or two might hold up, but eventually it will come crashing down. Perhaps it will take a generation or two, and those who began it will not live to see its demise, but it is inevitable.
The Martial Art is unique among all teaching in that what the student learns can kill or harm, without weapons or devices, and often without discipline, self control, or any ethical judgment. I believe it is essential, if you are a dedicated teacher, to be a teacher 24 hrs a day. This does not mean that you are constantly teaching, but it becomes who you are.
Like being a Law Enforcement Officer. You don't just turn it off after your shift, or when you take your uniform off. People who know you, should respect you for the job you have accepted 24/7. You can party with friends, but when they start lighting up a joint in front of you because you are off duty, thinking you won't do anything, an true LEO will still uphold the law.
It is good for an instructor to spend time with students outside of the school, mainly to observe their consistency in living the way they are taught in class (good manners, courtesy, respect - - assuming these things are taught). In my opinion, the role and relationship of the instructor / student should never change. Social activities allow for more friendly conversation, and relaxed environment, but the student should never forget that they are addressing a senior rank, and courtesy should always be extended in all situations.
I have been with Grandmasters at bars when everyone was drinking sake, soju, getting drunk, dancing, and singing Karaoke (a privileged social experience usually not extended to color belts, and typically not to non-Asians). Everyone is relaxed and having fun, but no one forgets who their senior rank is. I have watched young, low ranking Black Belts (4th or 5th Dan) get out of line because they are too drunk, and an 8th or 9th Dan will smack them on the head and verbally reprimand them. They don't dare do anything but bow their head in shame and respond with "yes, sir."
It is dangerous to lead students down a path of "buddy-buddy friendship" with a teacher who needs to command some respect, and instill discipline in that student's life. Martial Art training is life altering, and instructors often need the total commitment, dedication, and willingness to follow leadership, even when they don't understand or agree with the lesson. You do not have to be "strictly business," because this is too cold and removed from your students, but one must be careful not to cross the line, even in social settings, because once a student ceases to respect the relationship, you might never get it back, and bad attitudes can spread like cancer through your school and your community.
A good instructor has a special rapport with each student - inside the school and out. This can grow to a deep affection, and lifelong relationship, but like an adult to their own parent, or a college student to their favorite professor. A buddy system tends to only have a superficial appearance of such, and even if the first generation can pull it off, their successive students often fail to maintain the knack that their buddy-instructor got away with.
This is my opinion, and has been what I have witnessed time and time again. There are those who feel they are the exception to this, but most likely, they are the example that others follow without the same success.
CM D.J. Eisenhart
