Verbal Martial arts?

[still learning]

Hello, to MYUSERNAME....excellant points, especially the one where a person can remain up to 90 minutes of adreline or anger!

Excellant post!

Aloha , (one idea is to put your anger in a bottle and throw it away) ....do not open after closing....you do not want it back?)

 

[myusername]

Thank you Still Learning for your kind words. As a relative newcomer to the martial arts and finding lots of helpful information about Tae Kwon-do and self defence on this forum it was nice to find a thread where I could share some of my experience and life skills in return.

Mark

 

[Yari]

One problem with angrey poeple are not them, but you yourself get attached to the angrey poeple. You can attach to them negativly or positivly. but the moment you attach to them, they are deciding what's going to happen.

I try and "think": 'how facsination that somebody can experience life like that'. Thus trying to distance mayself from what is happening. By detachning yourself, you can better observe objectvily what is happening.
Another aspect of this is you can then generally ask to what is happening based on what you are observing, and then show you are not judging the person.

/Yari

 

[Adept]

I think part of the problem is that some people are just more naturaly social, and naturally dominant than others. There are some things you just can't teach, and pre-learned responses will never get you out every situation.

For example the other day I was riding the tram. Across the carriage from me were two rough looking, rough speaking thug-like types. The ticket machine was next to them, and the other end of the carriage was full (because no one wanted to sit next to them) so I couldn't just move into the crowded end of the carriage without exhibiting fear.

So I sat down opposite them. A minute later one of them introduced himself (between sips from his can of bourbon) and we carried on a short conversation about the weather, and the city in general. At the next stop a few business suits got on. By now the tram is pretty full. The only seat available was next to one of these rough guys. The guy pats the seat next to him, looks at one of the suits and says "Go on then, sit your *** down!" The suit nearly freaks out, mumbles something incoherent, and moves away. The rough guy just chuckles.

The suit was obviously a more intelligent person. He had some kind of degree, worked in a cushy office job, and probably made lots of money. The rough guy was wearing old dirty work clothes, was covered in very low quality tats, probably had a drug habit and probably spent some time in jail.

Yet the rough guy was much more intelligent when it came to the interaction bewteen two people. At least, interaction that wasn't just small talk. He knew how to establish himself as the aggressor, as a predator, while the suit was unable to establish himself as someone assertive enough to avoid being a victim. Circumstances would only have to be changed slightly for the suit to have gotten mugged, because he failed to demonstrate sufficient levels of confidence and assertiveness.

And I don't think that is something that can really be taught. It's something that will only come with experience, and some people will just never get it.

 

[Yari]

I think part of the problem is that some people are just more naturaly social, and naturally dominant than others. There are some things you just can't teach, and pre-learned responses will never get you out every situation
.........
And I don't think that is something that can really be taught. It's something that will only come with experience, and some people will just never get it.

Well I'm not 100% with you on this. My take on it is two folded: 1) The experience to read a person and 2) How you react to your own reading.

I do agree some people are better at this, and some can attain a high quality social sense. Not everybody will/can get at the same hight. But I don't think this means that if you want to change or be better then you can't do it. Again this is 2 folded. You have to learn how to read, and you have to learn how to take an appropiate action according to your reading.

To take your example (and I know only what I've read): you made a social reading, and reacting accordanly. The suit reads it too, and he does his reaction. So he is reading it. What we don't know if the suit has been bullided, beating up, have a bad day, needs his suit clean for a job interview..... Now nothing did happen with the way the suit reacted, so maybe this was the approiate action. We will never know.

What we can assume is that you did a reading, the suit did a reading and the "drunK" did a reading. Everbody also choose a reaction. No problem acured from it. Could they have learn another kind of reaction? I think yes, but they did the first : read.

/Yari

 

[Doc_Jude]

De-esculation is a part of my job as I am a trained mental health nurse who has worked in secure units and on challenging behaviour wards. I am currently working on an inpatient drug and alcohol detox ward. I find it mainly boils down to common sense at the end of the day. I will share a few techniques that I use that help me diffuse situations. You probably do these things anyway so I hope not to make people feel patronised...

Great Post!!!

 

[myusername]

Great Post!!!

Cheers Doc Jude!

Its interesting really as a few days ago after writing that post I had my most recent aggressive incident at work! I had a jilted ex partner of one of my patients turn up at the door of our ward demanding to see the patient. She didn't want to see him and he was very intoxicated so wouldn't have been able to come on to our ward anyway. Unfortunately I couldn't shut the door as he was standing between the door frame and the door refusing to move and I know from experience that you never even gently touch a drunk angry man!

He was very much in my face and unfortunately keeping distance wasn't a possibility as he was adamantly attempting to advance down the ward corridor towards my patients. He was threatening to knock me out saying that he used to work as a bouncer so knew all of the tricks!

As distance wasn't an option I just had to keep my hands up to the height of my chin as he definately had the potential just to lash out but I kept my palms open. My colleague was phoning the police whilst I talked to him and informed the other wards around site that we may have to have a control and restraint team ready for if I needed to pull my attack alarm. Lucklily my colleague was of experience so knew that by pulling the alarm too early it would antagonise this individual more so.

I managed to talk this guy into leaving eventually by depersonalising the situation as best I could. Due to his drunken confused state I also felt that I needed to keep reiterating to him that I was not a doorman but just a nurse. I verbally echoed and sympathised with his plight making him feel that I was on his side but that there was nothing I could do as I was just a nurse bound by the rules of the ward. I told him that I thought the visiting rules were absurd but if I were seen breaking them I would lose my job. I managed to convince him to write a note for his ex partner and promised him that I would do my best to persuade her to call him. It felt quite a long drawn out and repetitive conversation where he kept flitting between presenting as emotional and then furious and on the verge of violence.

Luckily when he left he met the police around the corner who were on their way to us attending the call. He was verbally abusive towards them on questioning and ended up spending the night in the cells!

Its funny that no matter how many times you find yourself in these situations you still feel the same adrenaline rush and fear and at times become a little tongue tied and find yourself saying things that make you cringe afterwards! There were times in this example that despite my best attempts at de-esculation I could still have got assualted but they were minimised by rolling with and deflecting the aggression.