Trying to find the perfect school but limited by time

[Charlemagne]

Hi everyone,

I put up a recent post about my hesitation to change dojo because of dissatisfaction with my current instructor. The responses were hugely helpful. I have gone from feeling some weird sense of loyalty to absolutely not giving any fucks about shopping around for what's best for me. Thanks for the advice.

Now that I've decided to shop around and find another club, I wanted to post about my frustration.

A quick summary of my position: I'm in my 30s with a young family. I feel like I waited too long to get into martial arts despite wanting to for many years. I am behind the 8 ball already and want to throw myself into training. I'm training at a dojo very close by which trains late at night (suits me perfectly with kids). The problem is that the instructor is a bit disinterested and a bit of a tool. I am considering sticking around while shopping for other clubs.

I trained in another city and the school was perfect. It was a traditional martial art school that trained in competition, the instructor was an inspiration. He was so invested in all the students and was gentle yet a fierce competitor. I feel like I've been trying to fill the void that club left in my new city, but I just can't find it.

I went along to a kickboxing class this week and it was a lot of fun. Lots of hands-on instruction which was awesome (and highlighted what I'm not getting at my current club). The thing is, I want to learn a traditional art, but also one that is really practical. I'm also limited by the number of nights I can train. With young kids, I can't be off every night training.

What I'm looking for is a school that checks these boxes:

- An instructor that is kind, interested in teaching, and not a tool
- I want my girls to train as well, so I would like the instructor to be caring
- A traditional art that has some real-world practical application
- Not a McDojo full of kids
- Somewhere close to home
- Somewhere that trains at convenient times

Obviously, there are a lot of demands here and I probably won't find the perfect school. I live in a city of about 500,000 people, so there are clubs but not many.

A friend said to me that I should learn to adapt. He suggested continuing to train at the dojo with the instructor I don't like because it checks many of the boxes (it's traditional, they compete, it has real-world application, it's close to home, they train late at night). He suggested supplementing this training with another art if possible, perhaps one with an instructor who is a bit better. He said that he continues to train and many of his friends don't, because he has learnt to adapt, just like in real life.

Not being a perfectionist is important. What I don't want to do is settle for something crap, when a good school could be nearby.

I guess I am searching for a club just like my old one, which I probably won't find. I am also feeling pressure because I want to find it now, and stop wasting time, which I feel like I've already done for many years.

Thanks for reading this stream of consciousness. I suppose I don't have a real question, but I'm just feeling confused and would love some advice from anyone who has been in similar positions.

I'm thinking that I just keep training at the current club and try out one new place each week. Am I overcomplicating it?

How about finding a local Judo club? They are going to be traditional. Teaching quality is usually high. They virtually always have a kids program. And, with few exceptions, they are going to have a positive environment for beginners. Judo has plenty of real world application, particularly when combined with even the most rudimentary of striking abilities.

 

[JR 137]

Those styles sound awesome. The best option I have here is kyokushin unfortunately, which I will check out.

I am going to do some more research. Unfortunately it seems that my city only has the popular styles.

Kyokushin is a great style, so long as you’re looking for hard contact no-nonsense stuff. I think everyone should have some hard contact under their belt (no pun intended) to know what actually hitting and getting hit is like. It teaches you things about yourself that nothing else can IMO.

Me, I learned that lesson in my 20s in bare knuckle karate

 

[WaterGal]

I've yet to see a school that will combine the children and adult classes the closest I've seen is teens in the adult classes.

Some schools offer family classes, where parents and kids can take class together. This can work well, or not, depending on the school environment, instructor, curriculum, etc. Other schools will have mostly kids classes, but will let parents join in with their kid, which is almost certainly going to the kind of thing the OP described.

 

[Zyk]

In a really similar situation. What did you end up settling on Felix?

 

[Felix79]

In a really similar situation. What did you end up settling on Felix?

Hey bro.

I ended up lovely off the **** place and it was the best thing ever. I realize now that quality instruction is paramount.

I ended up sticking around with the kickboxing club. They also train in boxing, so I a mixing it up with both kickboxing and boxing. One thing I realized is that I shouldn't be a perfectionist. I realized that this whole martial arts thing should be a life long journey. So, if this boxing place isn't perfect, if I stuck around for 6-12 months, what is the worst that could happen? I get super fit and learn how to throw punches better? That ain't too bad. I can then move on to something else later.

My advice is: find a place that is 'good enough' that fits in with your lifestyle and meets at least most of your goals. You can always expand later. I also realized I didn't like some of the grappling aspects of my old club, so I want to focus on striking now. So do what suits you.

I hope that helps.