Training Partner Rant

[Jade Tigress]

How about hitting him on the chin a lot (hard!) and saying everytime, this is a chin, this is a chin lol!

never mind I don’t need his name… to me he is just another tree.:EG:

wear something to cover your nose like basketball players wear. Also hit him in the nuts a few times, fast and hard so it jogs his brains a bit and makes him start thinking of what you said to him. and also say "dont afraid to be hit".

Oh man that’s a GREAT idea.... I suggest a fencing mask.... I hit one of those bad boys just lightly and kidding around once.... DAMN that thing cut my knuckles all to hell, and that was just with a light tap.

And DEFINITLY… you have to constantly say "don’t afraid to be hit". :uhyeah:

:lfao:

OMG! You all are just too funny!

XS - Thanks for the thought provoking posts. I really think that's the key to the whole thing. I get the impression he thinks faster=better, and when he finds he can't do "fast" he tries redirecting the focus to my weaknesses.

:asian: to all.

 

[Brian King]

A couple of quick thoughts as it is lunch right now in the middle of a combat hapkido seminar and I am hungry LOL

Some have put forth the theory that your training partner is feeling self conscious or envious that it has taken you less time to achieve the same rank as it took him. I have never been involved in a martial art that had/have belts or ranks so I will bow to their collective opinion that this may indeed be the case. I would like to put out another theory which may or may not be a symptom of the conflict here with the training partners. Some people have a hard time understanding what it is to be a good training partner. We hear things like the training must be ‘alive’ training, that there has to be resistance, the attack must be honest and other objectives on which to base opinion on whether an attack was good or not. Perhaps the training partner has had it put into his head that for an attack to be good it must be fast? This is the case sometimes but not all attacks should be approached the same as the goal of the exercise often differs from what a fast attack can train at least at first.

So basically perhaps having a light conversation with the training partner to find out what he considers a ‘good’ attack must consist of and see if his understanding and yours match and then discussing the differences of opinion if any may help the drills become more beneficial for both partners.

Brian King

 

[Tez3]

wear something to cover your nose like basketball players wear. Also hit him in the nuts a few times, fast and hard so it jogs his brains a bit and makes him start thinking of what you said to him. and also say "dont afraid to be hit".

:boing1: Love it!

 

[teej]

You have gotten good answers from the student perspective. So I am leaving you one from an Instructor/school owners point of view.

I do not know how your classes are run. But if you have a choice, you need a different partner until your nose is healed. As an adult student, you have an obligation to make sure your instructor knows of the situation on the training floor, as well as your medical condition and the healing process.

I tell all of my new students that I cannot address anything if I do not know about the situation and this includes if they overhear something another student may be concerened about and haven't told me.

I try to split my class up into two groups when I pair everyone up, those that want to train hard and those that want to train at a slower speed. I give that option before every drill as some nights a student may want to train hard and some nights may not feel up to par and want to go slower that night.

From a business point of view, you have to make sure your instructor knows of this so that your instructor can control the pace of this guys working with you. I am sure everyone in your class has seen your piercing.

Ask your instuctor to just keep an eye out and when he sees this guy getting too rough remind him he needs to slow down due to your nose condition. My wife trained pregnant in class. She stopped 3 weeks before she had our daughter. Everyone slowed down while training with my pregnant wife. A big part of this guys training is to learn control. Control is being able to hit hard when needed as well as softer when needed and being able to hit the correct targets when they are open.

This guy is hitting your nose when asked not to and not able to control his speed. He is missing a big aspect of his training. There is a time to work hard and a time to work light. I guarantee from my over 27 yrs of training and instructing that you are not the only student having issues with him.

Your obligation as your instructors customer/student is to make sure he or she completely understands your situation. Now it is up to the school owner to fix it. That is what we are there for. Remember, your training school someones' business. A good instructor can control this and keep everyone happy.

Yours in the arts, Teej

 

[jdinca]

JT, are things getting better?

 

[Rich Parsons]

As others have said I will repeat here as well:

Are things getting better?

Did you talk to the instructor?

Have you had a chance to check out safety equipment?

Now for my opinion which is similiar to what others have said:

Being the same rank, might be an issue for him and he might not realize it. He might be trying to show to himslef or others (* instructor *) that he is ready for the next level as you were ready for the current level and therefore he must be better by being able to go faster.

Some people do make women work harder. This is not always a punishment to get them out of the class but to get them over the socialization of not hitting or being hit. Almost every boy has been hit and or played a sport where a ball has hit them or a body part has hit them in the face. This is not as bad today as it was 30 years ago, but there are still cultural and social differences. Some people do this uncounsciously and others do it by choice. They work the women harder to make sure they have it and are not going to get hurt on the street. Now for some insight in to this as well. This could be because they have a family or friend or no someone who as hurt and do not want it to happen to the female training partner. This is all said with your first post of him being a nice guy versus being a jerk who is out to hurt people.

Good Luck

 

[MrE2Me2]

Hello Jade Tigress,

I hope you have made some progress here by now.
And there have been some really effective ideas on how to deal with this.

But I’m going to approach it a bit differently.
I mean no offense here but I do mean what I say.

This guy is obviously charming (you called him nice guy).
But he hits and it is a very hard hit to what amounts to an injury (your piercing).

Now I have been hit hard and I’ve given back my fair share too.
So I know what contact is and how important it is.

Yet, all that being said, this guy acts freely.
There are no consequences for his immoral behavior.

Think of it this way; if he were 6 years old, then you’d treat him different.
A lot of warnings and no action amount to a lot of noise…period!

It doesn’t matter if he’s bigger than you or stronger or even better.
Every time he hits you and hurts you, then you kicked him lightly in the testicles.

Or: When he hurts you, walk away and complain to his instructor…loudly!
Take it to the next level even if you are a bit uncomfortable.

Otherwise, learning how to take a beating will be your primary defense.
Do you want to learn to take a beating (rhetorical)?

And yes, I have been here and done this (all three side).
Assertion was definitely the best option for me.

Indomitable spirit should not be just a catchy phrase.
Don’t take a beating…give one (or find someone who will treat you with respect).

Regards, MrE2Me2

Without prejudice
E&OE

 

[Ignignokt]

I can't really give any tips, but I can empathize. I've trained with people like this myself and it's damned frustrating. The whole time I am training with people like this I feel like I am only getting worse. I want to be nice because I know that they are not trying to ruin my practice, but at the same time I feel like decking them in the mouth because they are also not trying very hard to not ruin my practice.

I hope things go better for you.

 

[Jade Tigress]

I can't really give any tips, but I can empathize. I've trained with people like this myself and it's damned frustrating. The whole time I am training with people like this I feel like I am only getting worse. I want to be nice because I know that they are not trying to ruin my practice, but at the same time I feel like decking them in the mouth because they are also not trying very hard to not ruin my practice.

I hope things go better for you.

True.

I missed my last 2 classes due to having to train for my new job, but it's back to class tonight. He was better the last time I trained with him as far as slowing down a bit and I didn't get popped in the nose, lol! However, we were practicing a technique (not a drill) this was side by side with no contact, and he says to me, "you have to sink on this punch". I said, "I am. Just because you can't SEE me rooting, doesn't mean I'm not doing it." So, I hate to say that in spite of some improvement, he is beginning to annoy the crap out of me. Which is a shame, because I like having a training partener vs. training alone. *sigh*

 

[Obliquity]

JT - After reading your initial post, then your subsequent replies, there are two points I would like to make. Keep in mind my occupation.

#1 -- This person is being utterly selfish and completely disrespectful. You need to either tell him just that straight out or punch him hard in the ****ing mouth and then tell him. He does not care about you in an appropriate way. He is caring about you in the way that he thinks is best, not in a way that actually is best.


People like this just don't get it. He is being ignorant of your needs and needs a figurative two-by-four to the side of the head to open his eyes. He likely lives the rest of his life this way, doing damage to others emotionally, physicall, and/or psychologically, all the time thinking that he is "doing the right thing".


#2 -- Why are you protecting this guy?


Because I care.

 

[rutherford]

Your profession?

Do often find that a hard punch in the ****ing mouth is appropriate therapy?

Hmm. I guess I'm self-medicating. :boxing:

 

[Jade Tigress]

JT - After reading your initial post, then your subsequent replies, there are two points I would like to make. Keep in mind my occupation.

#1 -- This person is being utterly selfish and completely disrespectful. You need to either tell him just that straight out or punch him hard in the ****ing mouth and then tell him. He does not care about you in an appropriate way. He is caring about you in the way that he thinks is best, not in a way that actually is best.


People like this just don't get it. He is being ignorant of your needs and needs a figurative two-by-four to the side of the head to open his eyes. He likely lives the rest of his life this way, doing damage to others emotionally, physicall, and/or psychologically, all the time thinking that he is "doing the right thing".


#2 -- Why are you protecting this guy?


Because I care.

Thank you. You hit alot of this on the head. :asian:

About protecting him, I just mean to convey that his personality is not the tough, macho, chest-thumping, testosterone overloaded dude who thinks he needs to keep little girly in place. I mean he is nice in that he thinks he is being helpful but he is actually starting to piss me off! lol

Last night we had an absolutely brutal warm-up before breaking up into training groups. (I loved it BTW). So anyway, we're all huffing and puffing and sweating like pigs. He and I pair up to start our drills and he says to me, "slow down, take a deep breath, relax". Here he is, all pale and gasping, telling me to *relax*. I said, "you're breathing just as hard as I am."

He's actually a dorky guy. The weird thing is, I get along with just about everybody and I've never trained with someone who rubbed me the wrong way. But the longer I train with this guy the more he irritates me. I just want to train. He is more advanced than I am and that doesn't bother me at all, but I just want to train. I appreciate feedback, I want feedback, but his methods of providing feedback are helpful about 5% of the time and either hindering or just annoying the other 95%.

Anyway, I feel like I keep complaining more and more about this and that wasn't my intent. I don't like complaining or whining and I try not to do it. I fail sometimes, lol! I need the vent though, so thanks for listening everyone. :asian:

Your profession?

Do often find that a hard punch in the ****ing mouth is appropriate therapy?

Hmm. I guess I'm self-medicating. :boxing:

lol! Yeah, what is your occupation anyway Obliquity?

 

[kidswarrior]

Anyway, I feel like I keep complaining more and more about this and that wasn't my intent. I don't like complaining or whining and I try not to do it. I fail sometimes, lol! I need the vent though, so thanks for listening everyone. :asian:

It was a legitimate concern, no complaining involved. Just because you're one of the parties doesn't change what's right or wrong in the situation. The guy is waaaay out of line, regardless of who might be on the receiving end. I would say the instructor has some work to do with this student--now. :mst:

Thanks for trusting us enough to share it.

 

[MrE2Me2]

Jade Tigress

In your original post,
You said, “I train with this really nice guy and he doesn't mean any harm and he's not being a macho *** or anything like that.”

Also, you said, “I understand he is trying to "help" me improve and I appreciate his feedback.”

In your latest post,
You said, “I mean he is nice in that he thinks he is being helpful but he is actually starting to piss me off!”

Now I asked my wife about this (because I value her opinion).
Sometimes women confuse charming behavior with appropriate behavior.
This allows charmers to disrespect them.
One doesn’t have to be a macho *** to be out of line.

Regards, MrE2Me2

 

[Obliquity]

Do often find that a hard punch in the ****ing mouth is appropriate therapy?

Who said anything about doing therapy?

lol! Yeah, what is your occupation anyway Obliquity?

Okay, do I advocate physical harm? Let me put it this way, he has hit you in the face multiple times. You have asked him multiple times to make the adjustment. He has not simply ignored your requests, he has heard them and chosen to reject them. It is a sad reality that some people just don't get the message until something happens that is painful enough to actually penetrate their psyche. An obvious example is a spouse finally packing up and leaving. Not just pretending to leave. "Enough is enough and we are done unless you wake up the fact that I will not put up with your abuse any longer."

I would not put it past an instructor to demonstrate for training purposes the concequences of disrespecting others and assisting a student in gaining insight as to what it is like to be on the receiving end of like pain as is being inflicted by said student on others.

I get it that he is not a macho guy. My picture of him is more like a doofus. None-the-less, he is an ego-centric doofus who is not really considering the impact of his actions on others. He may truly think he is doing the right thing, but, he truly is not.

He may have a mental scotoma -- a blind spot -- and really not understand what he is doing. Unless and until someone points out to him that his behavior is not acceptable -- and you have attempted to do this in a very kind, but apparently ineffective fashion -- he will continue to go through life 1) handicapped in his relationships, and 2) possibly causing physical and/or psychological harm to others.

I hope this helps. I'm not trying to be a hard-***. I can actually be a very laid-back guy who loves nothing more than a good laugh, but when it comes to people doing harm to others after repeated attempts to get them to stop, I pull the plug on nice guy attempts and cut to the chase.

BAM! "I have asked you many, many times not to hit me in the nose. You lack awareness and control and are a dangerous training partner. You are selfish and it is clear that you do not care about me or my safety. Therefore . . ."

The BAM! does not have to be hitting him physically. It could just be making a statement like the one in the preceding paragraph. But, somehow, he needs to get the message.

otoh -- you could just go on enabling him.

 

[Xue Sheng]

The BAM! does not have to be hitting him physically.

Oh yes it does :EG:

Just kidding...kinda

Who said anything about doing therapy?




Okay, do I advocate physical harm? Let me put it this way, he has hit you in the face multiple times. You have asked him multiple times to make the adjustment. He has not simply ignored your requests, he has heard them and chosen to reject them. It is a sad reality that some people just don't get the message until something happens that is painful enough to actually penetrate their psyche. An obvious example is a spouse finally packing up and leaving. Not just pretending to leave. "Enough is enough and we are done unless you wake up the fact that I will not put up with your abuse any longer."

I would not put it past an instructor to demonstrate for training purposes the concequences of disrespecting others and assisting a student in gaining insight as to what it is like to be on the receiving end of like pain as is being inflicted by said student on others.

I get it that he is not a macho guy. My picture of him is more like a doofus. None-the-less, he is an ego-centric doofus who is not really considering the impact of his actions on others. He may truly think he is doing the right thing, but, he truly is not.

He may have a mental scotoma -- a blind spot -- and really not understand what he is doing. Unless and until someone points out to him that his behavior is not acceptable -- and you have attempted to do this in a very kind, but apparently ineffective fashion -- he will continue to go through life 1) handicapped in his relationships, and 2) possibly causing physical and/or psychological harm to others.

I hope this helps. I'm not trying to be a hard-***. I can actually be a very laid-back guy who loves nothing more than a good laugh, but when it comes to people doing harm to others after repeated attempts to get them to stop, I pull the plug on nice guy attempts and cut to the chase.

BAM! "I have asked you many, many times not to hit me in the nose. You lack awareness and control and are a dangerous training partner. You are selfish and it is clear that you do not care about me or my safety. Therefore . . ."

The BAM! does not have to be hitting him physically. It could just be making a statement like the one in the preceding paragraph. But, somehow, he needs to get the message.

otoh -- you could just go on enabling him.

nice post

 

[DavidCC]

I think I ahve figured it out. The guy is hot for you, but he's a big nerdy dork and so all he can do is try to please you by offering you his advice and guidance and all of his wisdom, and he just comes off like a big condescending dork. he can't help it.

You are probably way out of his league. and he couldn't control his punches because he was fixated on your new piercing. It doesn't seem like it would take too much loss of focus to be accidentally hitting the nose when you are aiming for the chin, and a sexy little diamond stud might be enough hahaha

And you may not want to admit it, but it seems to me like you he is really getting under your skin too... you know a pearl starts as an irritant to the oyster... So let me leave you with this thought: Nerds need love too. :ladysman: :lool:

 

[Obliquity]

he was fixated on your new piercing . . . a sexy little diamond stud

Of course, none of us has actually seen this little diamond stud. Maybe it is so large that he cannot help but hit it.

 

[Jade Tigress]

My picture of him is more like a doofus. None-the-less, he is an ego-centric doofus who is not really considering the impact of his actions on others. He may truly think he is doing the right thing, but, he truly is not.

That's it in a nutshell.

I think I ahve figured it out. The guy is hot for you, but he's a big nerdy dork and so all he can do is try to please you by offering you his advice and guidance and all of his wisdom, and he just comes off like a big condescending dork. he can't help it.

You are probably way out of his league. and he couldn't control his punches because he was fixated on your new piercing. It doesn't seem like it would take too much loss of focus to be accidentally hitting the nose when you are aiming for the chin, and a sexy little diamond stud might be enough hahaha

And you may not want to admit it, but it seems to me like you he is really getting under your skin too... you know a pearl starts as an irritant to the oyster... So let me leave you with this thought: Nerds need love too. :ladysman: :lool:

:lfao: Now that thur is funny!

As far as the "nerds need love too." For one, I'm there to train, not flirt. For two, I'm married. And for three, and I've been nice up to this point but, unless he starts brushing the fuzz off his teeth and washing the syrup off his hands which I can smell while we're training, he's gonna have a hard time finding ANY love from ANY manner of female species no matter how much of an irritating "pearl" he may become.

Of course, none of us has actually seen this little diamond stud. Maybe it is so large that he cannot help but hit it.

LMAO! Um, yeah, it's like ohhhhhhhh...at least a carat!

Seriously, thanks guys. It's nice to get some outside perspective. :asian:

 

[Obliquity]

Seriously, thanks guys. It's nice to get some outside perspective. :asian:

Glad to help. That'll be $60.00.