the problem with the steves...

[DavidCC]

It might be best to just ignore it and do your best to train your hardest, it is usually very bad idea to get involved in the personal relationship between a father and child, no matter how well intentioned. As a father, if one of my teenage daughters' friends tried to give me some advice on how to treat or raise my kids, I think one of my least likely reactions would be to take their advice to heart and change my ways.



"remove the plank in your own eye before helping your brother with the splinter in his own" to badly paraphrase some unemployed jewish rebel from 2000 years ago...

 

[Knarfan]

It might be best to just ignore it and do your best to train your hardest, it is usually very bad idea to get involved in the personal relationship between a father and child, no matter how well intentioned. As a father, if one of my teenage daughters' friends tried to give me some advice on how to treat or raise my kids, I think one of my least likely reactions would be to take their advice to heart and change my ways.



"remove the plank in your own eye before helping your brother with the splinter in his own" to badly paraphrase some unemployed jewish rebel from 2000 years ago...

I have to admit ignoring it is your best option & great advice . Good call Dave . I think the main point that most of us are saying is you should try not to let it effect your training or Steve jr . If Steve sr is effecting his sons training , that might be outside the realm of your control , don't sweat it .

Train hard & have fun !

Frank

 

[Randy Strausbaugh]

Samantha,
Please understand that none of this is your fault. I hate to judge Steve Sr. without knowing him, but it sounds like he's trying to live through his son. Even though he himself is an instructor, he sees Steve Jr. as an extension of himself. You can see this at just about any Little League game. Watch how the coach treats his own kid (there's usually at least one team like this) during practice and during the game. By beating Jr., Sr. feels that he himself has been defeated. Going easy on him won't help him or you, and if Sr. spots what you are doing, he may be even more offended. Don't let Sr. make you feel bad and perform under-par because he has issues.
Your best bets (IMHO);
1. Do your best. Sparring with someone who beats him will do Jr. more good than sparring with someone who goes easy on him. Steel is sharpened on stone, not on feathers.
2. Respect Sr. He's an instructor at your school. That doesn't mean you have to like him or his methods. If he steps out of line, trust the head instructor of your school to deal with him.
3. Be a friend to Jr. Sounds like he needs one.

It might be best to just ignore it and do your best to train your hardest, it is usually very bad idea to get involved in the personal relationship between a father and child, no matter how well intentioned. As a father, if one of my teenage daughters' friends tried to give me some advice on how to treat or raise my kids, I think one of my least likely reactions would be to take their advice to heart and change my ways.

Very excellent advise from DavidCC.

 

[arnisador]

It's hard not being able to correct the situation...but, there's only so much you can do from where you now sit. It'll be different when you're the head instructor!

 

[dsp921]

I would agree that DavidCC's advice to ignore this is OK IF it was not affecting Samantha's training, which I believe it is. With Sr. yelling instructions to Jr. she knows the attack before it comes and this does nothing to sharpen her skills. Sr. is causiing her to be little more than Jr's target, he'll improve she won't. That's not right nor is it fair. I suppose on the other hand Samantha can use the instructions to Jr from Sr to close up any openings she might have. I would make the blocks and counters to whatever is told to Jr and maybe comment to the instructor that it's kind of easy if you know what's coming. That said, definitely stay out of whatever is going on between Sr and Jr.

 

[Sam]

just wanted to say, a little less than a year later, steve Jr wants to quit. I'm not surprised.

 

[Kacey]

Did this same problem continue the whole time?

 

[Sam]

Yes. Only it spread to other people he fought, not just me. What I mean is, his father began criticising when he fought other people, not just me.

 

[Kacey]

Then I have to say that I am not surprised he quit... in fact, I would guess that the only person who is surprised is his father.

 

[Sam]

he hasnt quit yet. he wants to. I think his father wont let him.

 

[CuongNhuka]

My advice is: make it a point to not sparr jr when his dad is there. I'm not sure how this could be arranged, but it's an idea. I didn't read any of the threads, so I don't know if this has already been posted.

John, wishing you luck with this problem

 

[bluemtn]

Does it seem that sparring or martial arts really isn't his thing? That sometimes has an affect on how well a person does, and a cause for quitting. It just seems like a small thing to quit over without giving it extra time on the side to work on.

 

[Marginal]

Does it seem that sparring or martial arts really isn't his thing? That sometimes has an affect on how well a person does, and a cause for quitting. It just seems like a small thing to quit over without giving it extra time on the side to work on.

Somehow I doubt it'd be an issue without his dad riding him constantly. Sounds more like the kid's trying to escape the dad rather than sparring.

 

[bobster_ice]

I wanted to ask everyone's advice on a problem that I've encountered in sparring class.

Steve sr is an instructor at my school, and steve jr is his 14 year old son. steve jr's instructor is not his father.

However, since steve sr is an instructor he also participates in sparring classes, which his son attends. Which means that sr is usually coaching jr.

I spar steve jr often and we're a pretty good match for each other. Both of us usually hold our own pretty well against higher belt ranks, but I guess the way we spar clashes well because we both have difficulty fighting each other. Or at least we used to, I've sort of figured him out a bit and have been scoring on steve jr consistently the past month or so.

His father who coaches him from the sidelines gets angry with steve jr when he fails to listen to his directions. He tells him to come in with his hands because I've apparently got a 'scary' lead leg and I can out kick him. When he tries to crane I usually just put my leg over his anyway. His father tells him to move around and come with his hands.

The problem is, when his father yells this, I know exactly what he is going to do. I mean, his father just yelled it across the room. So I know how to react. Steve jr doesnt have to seem a problem scoring on anyone else besides me (dont I feel special) but his father gets angry with him when he spars me and I feel bad. Part of me just wants to let him score to get his dad to back down. I don't see how a martial art can be any fun with your father constantly yelling at you from the sidelines.

But on the other hand, I feel like I'm cheating him whenever I leave myself open to let him attack. And cheating myself as well. It's not doing him any favors - if he's in tournament and his opponent fights similarly to me he'll be out of luck if I've been making mistakes purposefully just to get his father off his back.

It's not my place to get involved in their relationship, but I feel bad being the cause of tension between them and also feel bad letting him score on me just to get his father off his back.

I don't know what I am supposed to do, I don't want to be the cause of him quitting because his father sucked all the fun out of it.

You should tell Steves dad to calm down a bit and not shout across the room, that means that Steve jr wont be distracted when sparring.