Stupid people in enclosed areas

[Kittan Bachika]

Recently, I was on the train when a group of young european tourists walked on. Part of the group were 3 typical young energetic college age boys. Excited about being in America and and being young and energetic they stared to screw around on the train. One of them was showing off to his friends by exercising on the train and he ended up bumping into me. I yelled at him and he apologized but in a very half hearted way. Then he said something in his native tongue to his friends to look cool and they all giggled.

I honestly wanted to have a few more words with him but there was no reason to escalate it. But it was really annoying.

My motto is that when you see idiots like that, just keep away from them. They might even run into someone who expresses their displeasure towards them.

But in a enclosed space packed with people, it is almost impossible.

 

[Omar B]

Recently, I was on the train when a group of young european tourists walked on. Part of the group were 3 typical young energetic college age boys. Excited about being in America and and being young and energetic they stared to screw around on the train. One of them was showing off to his friends by exercising on the train and he ended up bumping into me. I yelled at him and he apologized but in a very half hearted way. Then he said something in his native tongue to his friends to look cool and they all giggled.

I honestly wanted to have a few more words with him but there was no reason to escalate it. But it was really annoying.

My motto is that when you see idiots like that, just keep away from them. They might even run into someone who expresses their displeasure towards them.

But in a enclosed space packed with people, it is almost impossible.

Yet you are the one who started yelling, seems contradictory to your whole "not wanting to escalate," "when you see idiots ... keep away." I'm used to packed trains, there's always a way. He bumped you, you could have simply said "excuse me" instead of yelling, it could have went worse with your escalation there.

 

[Jenna]

I think we know there is a likelihood that youths when congregating in any number > 2 can be disturbing. I guess your martial arts training would have forewarned you to give them a wide berth or move to the other end of the carriage to avoid having to say anything or do anything at all. I imagine it depends upon how proactive we are in avoiding confrontation where it would otherwise seek us out

 

[oaktree]

So what he bumped into you.
It happens all the time on a train or a line or any other situation where
people are. Yelling at him only makes the situation worse.

Lets say you did yell at him he yells back and now you are about to fight
guess what its you against 3 other people bravo!

I have been bumped many times on a train sometimes the guy even rudely says move it you piece of ..... but the big picture is this a fight for my life or a fight for your ego and that is the choice you have to make.

 

[Omar B]

I have a friend who moved from Kansas to NY a couple years ago. He like many people who came to live in NY found that with all the people it's best to be on your best behavior. He like many people always assumed that New Yorkers are all tools, turns out he learned like a lot of people who moved here that it's the tourists for the most part. Tourists on vacation are usually jerks, pair that with they don't know how to properly ride the train and it leads of a lot of incidences. Just like how riding the train in Tokyo is a certain way or riding the bus in Paris is a certain way (people will sit right next to you even if the whole bus is empty).

 

[Kittan Bachika]

You all raise very good points. And perhaps I should be more specific about what happened.

When he did his first pull up and he was not in control of his feet which hit me while I was sitting down.

When I yelled at him I simply said "Hey!" really loud.

That's it.

 

[Omar B]

You should have still said "excuse me" and not yelled. Tourists are as a rule douchebags, try going to work in Manhattan with thousands of them crowding the streets staring up like they have never seen a building before, clogging the sidewalks, walking at this slovenly pace (as if the people they are blocking out don't need to get to work). Or wandering around in the train station then holding train doors open so their party of 75 can all slowly step into the train holding everybody up.

It was a bunch of tourists, together, they were probably partying all week, a bit drunk even. Like we all do in NY, give them as wide a birth as you can and be glad they are just visiting.

 

[Danny T]

All situations can be and are viewed from different perspectives. Yours is but one. Not taking any side here just that there are many perspectives. I am certain we all have at one time or another done something or said something in fun that has annoyed or offended another. In so doing probably thought "what's with that person? What are they so angry about?"

Was in a conversation with my son with him being annoyed about some situation and "stupid" people. In his annoyance he state, "all stupid people should be shot" at which I immediately ducked and took cover. Looking some what perplexed he asked, "why are you doing?" My retort, "with all the stupid things I've done there is lot of shooting that is going to happen." Life is simply too short to get upset over a few people trying to enjoy themselves in a way that someone else thinks is stupid. "Wow, have fun guys, just be careful" would have been a much better response.

 

[MJS]

I go to NYC every year around Christmas time and yes, I've had more than my share of 'bumps' with folks. 9 times out of 10 its accidental. Obviously when you're 1 of countless, trying to navigate the sidewalk, cross the street, etc, you're bound up bump.

There've been times when someone does something dumb, such as in the case here. I have had people apologize, I've had people say nothing, there have been times when I've said 'excuse me' in a tone that lets them know they need to be more careful.

Now, were this kid to continue being careless, showing off, and hit me again, then yes, in that case, I could see escalating what you say. Now, some may say, "Well, if it happens again, just get up and walk away, to another part of the train." Sure, thats an option...if there was somewhere else to go. There have been many times that I've been on the train to NYC and me and others that I'm with, are the fortunate ones to get seats. I've seen many people standing.

 

[Flea]

As a globetrotting teenager and twenty-something, my mother was careful to drill in the meme that "away from home there is no shame." It's made me more patient with other travelers - I'm more likely to view their antics as free entertainment than anything else. And I like think that's helped me be a slightly less Ugly American ... but probably not. :ultracool

 

[BloodMoney]

I know where the OP is coming from. I too want to just go about my day quietly, and try not to escalate things (which to be fair your yelling could have done, as has been said) but sometimes its hard. Sometimes d*ckheads just piss you off, and thats fair enough. Most of the time I keep my mouth shut but I also am not going to just sit there and be pushed around, nor watch someone else be.

Keeping your mouth shut is good, but sometimes you gotta let someone know they are a "douche" to use the American vernacular:

A few weeks ago I was on the bus. Bus driver stopped, let the people off the front and didnt see a guy waiting at the back doors, so she started to drive off. He immediately YELLED "Oi! Excuse me!" at the top of his lungs at the driver. He was a big Maori feller and probably used to people jumping when they heard his loud booming voice. The driver kept driving (didnt hear him somehow, loud bus?) and he belted off "*****in stop the bus, OI!!! Stop b*tch" etc...a huge torrent of abuse and yelling immediately. Now this was 8am on the way to work, bus is packed and I am not in the mood for this carry on. I instinctively turned and said "Calm down mate". He yelled "dont tell me to calm down c**nt" at me from across the bus. Everyone sat there silently. The bus driver stopped. I said to the guy "Dont talk to her (the driver) like that man shes just doing her job". He said "What are you gunna do about it?". I laughed and said "mate its 8 o'clock in the morning its too early for being a tough guy". This got a few chuckles from people on the bus which infuriated him more. He stood there visibly shaking with anger. I said "just get off the bus man" and the bus driver opened the doors as I said that. He said something I didnt hear and the bus driver yelled "Get off the bus!" at him. He stepped out the door and said to me "Why dont you get off with me and see what happens to you". I said "Cause id me late for work" and the bus driver perfectly closed the door right in his face just as I said that and drove off.

Everyone was uncomfortably silent in the bus for the rest of the journey. When I got off the driver didnt thank me (I didnt expect it) but she did however seem pissed off at me. Then it dawned on me, she would happily go through life people abusing her, she didnt care, she just wanted to continue her route on time. By me saying something it (in a minor way) escalated the situation. Me personally, I dont let people talk to me that way, nor say my wife or friends. She was quite happy to just quietly be abused and not say anything...we are just different people and for her me "sticking up" for someone was just an annoyance....

 

[DinoSmurfy]

Trains = Where Lack of Personal Space Happens

I think it was a knee-jerk reaction when you yelled "Hey!". I agree with the others that you shouldn't have yelled anything. If they're acting all douche-y, what's going to stop them from escalating the issue?

However, I'd have to give you kudos for not escalating the issue when they started talking in their native tongues and laughing. Lesser men would have been pissed off at that.

 

[Josh Oakley]

Frankly I think you weren't in the wrong, bro. Fact of the matter is they backed off. If you had yelled something like, "What the F***!" or something like that, the criticism would be warranted.

But I find it odd that people are chastizing you for yelling "Hey" to a guy whose feet were in your face.

I don't think you did anything wrong.

 

[Flea]

Blood Money, I like your story.

I was on a bus a few years back when a driver happened to be in the wrong lane when a particular stop came up. It was in a sleepy subdivision so there was no traffic in the other lane to keep her from pulling over, and she did so just a couple doors down from the stop. The passenger, naturally, threw a big tantrum and was very childish about it. YOURE SUPPOSED TO PULL OFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SIGN!! THATS COMPANY POLICY!! I WANT YOUR BADGE NUMBER SO I CAN GET YOU FIRED!!

Nobody said a word, but you could feel the amusement rippling through the air. My stop came several blocks later and I was the only one getting off. I made sure to say in a very theatrical voice, "Thanks for doing such a great job!" Everybody laughed, and I could see the relief on the drivers' face. It was gratifying. I don't think it's ever necessary to make a scene, but she clearly needed the strokes.

I usually avoid mass transit whenever I can. There are just too many weirdos, and it always makes me nervous even when it's not directed at me. One never knows how a situation can shift with zero notice ... like when you leash your dog to a fence so you can have a simple beer.

 

[SonnyAngell]

It's funny that you mention that.. SAME thing happened to me about a year ago. I was just sitting on the A train <nyc> and 4 or 5 european young guys got on and of course were using the poles as stripper poles.. clearly drunk. i made no spectacle of myself, nor said anything to them. on these trains the poles are one to two feet away from the seats. The one brave fellow started to spin around on the pole and bumped into me.. at which time i pushed him away, and moved my seat.. he said sorry. and it of course did not escalate from there.

You never use your training unless for defense. its not just some Karate Kid pun. its the truth. No one ever prospered in life from being angry. I have a few friends with some pretty nasty scars. They said they're reasons for the scars are "cause I had a big mouth" and always understand.. there are stupid people all over so get used to it. Just be ready your yourself.. and meditate.

 

[WC_lun]

While I'm one of those that think if there is no harm in what the drunks of the world are doing then its best just to leave them be. However, not one of us is a saint and I can certainly understand saying something when the guy bumbed into you. I'm glad it didn't escalate and as long as you know that was a risk, then you are not ignorant of the possible consequences. In the end, I'd say no harm, no foul.

 

[Kittan Bachika]

Yet you are the one who started yelling, seems contradictory to your whole "not wanting to escalate," "when you see idiots ... keep away." I'm used to packed trains, there's always a way. He bumped you, you could have simply said "excuse me" instead of yelling, it could have went worse with your escalation there.

You should have still said "excuse me" and not yelled. Tourists are as a rule douchebags, try going to work in Manhattan with thousands of them crowding the streets staring up like they have never seen a building before, clogging the sidewalks, walking at this slovenly pace (as if the people they are blocking out don't need to get to work). Or wandering around in the train station then holding train doors open so their party of 75 can all slowly step into the train holding everybody up.

It was a bunch of tourists, together, they were probably partying all week, a bit drunk even. Like we all do in NY, give them as wide a birth as you can and be glad they are just visiting.

Been looking at the responses to this thread. Much appreciated and gave a lot to think about.

I have to say Omar, I am quite surprised your responses being that you trained in Seido Karate. Here are some of my thoughts.

Basically, I did a Kiai but instead of Kiai I said hey. Think of it as a Lion's roar. Did not throw a punch. Did not curse. Did not threaten anyone. That's it.

By doing that I ended any potential for escalation. In fact after that they were meek as lambs. Yes, they were still acting like douchebags but there were no threats made to me and no one attacked me. As far as I am concerned it worked out in my favor.

I do believe in walking away even if it means putting your pride on the street. But I do not believe that applies to every situation. Sometimes you have to make a point through words.

Here's the flip side about saying excuse me. It is possible that if I did what you advised and said excuse me, they would have taken my politeness as weakness and continued messing with me. This is not unrealistic. The problem with stupid people particularly bullies, is that they do not understand reason. And sometimes you have to communicate in a way that they can understand.

Now if this were a bunch of gang bangers coming onto the train causing trouble, the whole train, including myself would be moving to another car. But they were a bunch of young European tourists who were being *** hats. In the end it really depends on the situation and the type of people you are dealing with.

As I said before, this was on the train which is an enclosed space filled with people. Unfortunately, it makes it difficult to give every jerk in the world a wide berth (not birth) as possible.'

That's my two cents.

 

[Omar B]

How often is this story gonna change? First it was you yelled at them, then you say you screamed "hey" or something of the sort, and now it's a kiai but still really "hey." Don't ask for advice on how you handled the situation then go change the story because we didn't like how you handled it. Yelling in someone's face never usually yields a pleasing result which is exactly what you did. You got lucky this time, but don't be under any allusions that you were not the one escalating, because that's exactly what you were doing.

 

[Kittan Bachika]

How often is this story gonna change? First it was you yelled at them, then you say you screamed "hey" or something of the sort, and now it's a kiai but still really "hey." Don't ask for advice on how you handled the situation then go change the story because we didn't like how you handled it. Yelling in someone's face never usually yields a pleasing result which is exactly what you did. You got lucky this time, but don't be under any allusions that you were not the one escalating, because that's exactly what you were doing.

What are you talking about Omar? The story never changed. I gave a broad outline of what happened, then specified certain parts when it was obvious that assumptions were being made.

As for the Kiai description it was an attempt to contextualize it in a martial arts framework in order for you to understand why it worked.

There is definitely someone under allusions of something. It is definitely not me. And please don't put words in my mouth. I did not yell in anyone's face. You made that assumption.

I am happy to end this here. And I do appreciate what you have said.

As they say in Karate.

Osu.