Stares and them Glares

[drewtoby]

I tend to see people staring/glaring/eyeballing others (and sometimes me) from time to time for no reason. They are of the same gender and age group (not talking about crush stalkers). Is this generally an indication that a Monkey Dance may take place soon, or that the starer is looking for a fight? Also, what is the best way to handle (de-esculate) a situation like this? Ignoring the dude has always worked for me...

Another reason I posted is to discuss the psychology behind this. Is this action typically rooted in insecurity in one's strength? Or is the starer simply looking for a reason to beat someone senseless?

Also, is this always the sign of a MD, or could it be something more serious (in rare cases)?

 

[jks9199]

It's a very context driven indicator. If you're in a social situation, and you see tension between two individuals or two groups... odds are that you're dealing with some form of social violence. Look at your context, and the context will lead you in the right direction to understand it.

Defusing... You have to understand the cause. Simple example. I'm tired, and I'm about to take my kid to swimming lessons. Let's say that while I'm there, I start zoning out and seem to be staring at some pretty young thing in a teeny tiny bathing suit. Her dad sees me, and takes exception to "that pervert staring at my daughter!" and confronts me. Easy to defuse... "Sorry, man, I'm beat. I didn't even realize I was looking at her." If you're in a bar, you might be able to defuse it by buying the other guy a beer.

Ignoring may have worked for you -- but it's got a dangerous side, because it can also come across as dismissal ("You're not worth my time...")

Simply staring is probably not going to justify any use of direct force, without a hell of a lot of explanation.

 

[Touch Of Death]

One of my favorite weapons.

 

[drop bear]

In an age of mistrust there will be a general degree of gunfighter style glaring. I glare at people because it takes longer to see everything I need to look for.

 

[drop bear]

It's a very context driven indicator. If you're in a social situation, and you see tension between two individuals or two groups... odds are that you're dealing with some form of social violence. Look at your context, and the context will lead you in the right direction to understand it.

Defusing... You have to understand the cause. Simple example. I'm tired, and I'm about to take my kid to swimming lessons. Let's say that while I'm there, I start zoning out and seem to be staring at some pretty young thing in a teeny tiny bathing suit. Her dad sees me, and takes exception to "that pervert staring at my daughter!" and confronts me. Easy to defuse... "Sorry, man, I'm beat. I didn't even realize I was looking at her." If you're in a bar, you might be able to defuse it by buying the other guy a beer.

Ignoring may have worked for you -- but it's got a dangerous side, because it can also come across as dismissal ("You're not worth my time...")

Simply staring is probably not going to justify any use of direct force, without a hell of a lot of explanation.

Give em the tough guy upwards nod.

The one where I acknowledge you are tough. And I know I am tough. But if we fought we would level a city block. So for the sake of the children we will just pass on by.

 

[wingchun100]

I tend to see people staring/glaring/eyeballing others (and sometimes me) from time to time for no reason. They are of the same gender and age group (not talking about crush stalkers). Is this generally an indication that a Monkey Dance may take place soon, or that the starer is looking for a fight? Also, what is the best way to handle (de-esculate) a situation like this? Ignoring the dude has always worked for me...

Another reason I posted is to discuss the psychology behind this. Is this action typically rooted in insecurity in one's strength? Or is the starer simply looking for a reason to beat someone senseless?

Also, is this always the sign of a MD, or could it be something more serious (in rare cases)?

It depends, and you can never really tell. I remember going to a bar with a friend of mine. It was very crowded. You have to practically force your way past people to get a drink. So I finally wedge my way in, and there is a barrel-chested guy (who had about 4 inches in height on me) to my left. While I am standing there waiting for the bartender to notice my money-filled outstretched hand, my peripheral vision picks up this guy staring down at me. All I could think was, "This alpha male wants me to look at him and get scared off by his intimidating stare so he can get his drink first, even though *I* got in here ahead of him." So what did I do? I thought to myself "tough s***," didn't give him the satisfaction of scaring me off, and got my drink before him.

But notice one detail about my story: he and I never said a word to each other. So how do I know that was his aim? This illustrates another very important factor in such situations: your own way of interpreting things. Sometimes you can't always tell if you are reading someone's true intentions properly.

In this case, I don't know what else he could have been staring at me like that for. I doubt it was because he thought I'm cute. LOL

 

[bluewaveschool]

'a Monkey Dance may take place soon'.... I'm stealing that.

 

[ballen0351]

I just pick my nose and scratch my butt at same time then smell my finger. The tough guy stops looking at you after that

 

[Xue Sheng]

Try being the only blond American in a restaurant generally only locals go to in Beijing... now that is some staring

 

[wingchun100]

Try being the only blond American in a restaurant generally only locals go to in Beijing... now that is some staring

I came close to this. There was an unbelievably high concentration of Chinese students at SUNY Albany...well, at least it seemed high to me, coming out of Troy High School where there were maybe two Chinese students.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Basically after a week and a half of staring I finally figures out what was going on.....if a 500 pound gorilla walked into your favorite restaurant to eat....you would stare too

 

[Touch Of Death]

In this case, I don't know what else he could have been staring at me like that for. I doubt it was because he thought I'm cute. LOL

Don't cut yourself short. He could have been swooning.

 

[tshadowchaser]

I would say just continue doing what you where doing but keep the person starring in a line of sight.
or
turn towards them wave at them with your pinky finger and blow them a kiss

 

[wingchun100]

Don't cut yourself short. He could have been swooning.

Trust me: no one does...sometimes, not even my wife! LOL

 

[donnaTKD]

know where you're coming from

normally when there are a few of us and we walk into a place we have a quick look around and size things up and if there's someone that's giving it all the posturing and stuff, we just give them a slight nod of the head to acknowledge their presence and that is often followed by a short shake of the head as a way of saying "don't want any trouble" --- seems to work as we've not really had any standoffs

have been approached a few times though by some people know that i do muay thai when things start getting a bit heated to see if i'm likely to get invovled which i find funny the only time i get involved is if they're threatening or appearing to threaten either myself or my friends, i just feel responsible for ym friends *** i don't drink and they do so i see it as my job to look after them.

also you normally tell straight away who is and who isn't likely to kick off by the way they're standing, the way they look and the way they acknowledge people -- you can also make a quick guesstimate of how effective they really would be if it all did go south rather quickly, by the amount they're drinking and what they're drinking

I DON'T GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE - IT JUST SORT OF FINDS ME !!!!!

 

[Tames D]

I got a monkey dance on my back :EG:

 

[donnaTKD]

why not sort it out a friendly chat normally cools things down - just say hello to whoever it is - usually drops the tone a bit and will save a load of hassle in future plus you might make a friend on the dark side of things

 

[Touch Of Death]

why not sort it out a friendly chat normally cools things down - just say hello to whoever it is - usually drops the tone a bit and will save a load of hassle in future plus you might make a friend on the dark side of things

Let's not get too crazy here. LOL

 

[Touch Of Death]

I like having a snappy come back for the, "What the hell are you looking at?":

I don't know, perhaps you could explain. or...
I have been trying to figure that out all day/night. You know, the things we actually say when asked that question.

 

[drop bear]

I like having a snappy come back for the, "What the hell are you looking at?":

I don't know, perhaps you could explain. or...
I have been trying to figure that out all day/night. You know, the things we actually say when asked that question.

Don't say anything. Just give them a hug.