Recent Difficulties

[Kamaria Annina]

Hi there guys, I've got a bit of difficulties, and I wanted to ask your opinions on this. On another forum I used to go to, my ex boyfriend decided to write practically an essay on how horrible I am. Now, I've stopped going, but I have a friend I referred to that board, since he had similar interests, and I thought he might enjoy it. I think my ex was pretty ignorant not thinking I wouldn't see it, and I'm thinking he just put it there to hurt my feelings.

Here's the link: http://www.mikeportnoy.com/forum/tm.aspx?m=1082339&mpage=1&key=&#1082339

Now I'm quite a bit aggravted by this. Considering he never once mentioned what lead me to be mean. During our relationship, he out of the blue, referred me to his "problem" or "frustration", for reason I never understood. He also blamed me for wrecking his life, etc, and if I decided I like some sort of band or whatever, he'd always happen to bash it to make his opinions sound better. So basically, he always wanted to make himself feel better, and honestly I put up with it for too long. For a long time, it had brought me into a depression, where my family and friends tried to bring me out of.

Now, I was doing a whole lot better. He had moved to Maryland, and I wasn't dealing with that anymore. (And on that flirting issue, it wasn't true, I wasn't looking for anyone anyways.) So I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, but maybe for some reassurance that I'm not responsible for making his life miserable like everyone else appears to think on that thread. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[arnisador]

I give him points for being a Rush fan, but other than that...what a whiner! He realizes the two of you aren't dating any more, but complains that you might end up dating someone else? Apparently his plans to put you in a nunnery feel through. It sounds like he'd like to have it both ways--have his freedom, but still have you when he is lonely. Men!!! They drive me crazy.

Everyone's allowed one mistake. Mark him down as yours and move on.

 

[terryl965]

Yea Matt seem to be in love with the thought of being in love. Arnistor said it best Move on everybody entitle to a mistake.
Terry

 

[shesulsa]

I agree with the fellas. Notch your lipgloss case and move on. Sounds like you're a bit more mature than he. Allow him his rantings - maybe he'll feel better.

 

[Rich Parsons]

In my opinion stay away from him, and move on as stated by the others.

(* This maybe over the top so beware *)

The fact that he stated you guys broke up early summer and that he has been gone only a couple or weeks in September, which means maybe in August he left. This tells me, from my off the street education, that he thought and still thinks of the two of you together, at that time and possible even now. This is not really healthy. If you do not have any contact with him, he has nothing to hang his hat on and say look she is paying attention to me. If he comes back and you see him, and must acknowledge him, say hi, and leave as soon as possible, do not stay long nor saying anything he might think you still like him.

Yes he will call you a "B". So what. Just move on and let him move on with the distance and with the knowledge that you have moved on yourself, and are not waiting for him.

(* On the lighter side *)

When the person who breaks up does so, they usually have gone through a couple of phases, and are ready to move on, while the person who was not ready for the break-up or the relationship to end, has not gotten through thsoe phases, which include, Denial, Anger, and others.

By staying away and not talking to him or about him, he must address eventually address the issue that you are not with him. With his anger he might say things that are hurtful, for he is feeling hurtful. Do not acknowledge them, just move on, and stay away. Be polite in social situations if contact is a must, but leave ASAP, and do not be rude to make him more angry.

***********************************

Remember Live your life, enjoy it, and pay attention to what you want, and have fun, hopefully you will find the right person

Good Luck

 

[Gemini]

Being as young as you are, understand there isn't anyone on this board who hasn't been through the same thing many times over. Only difference being, it wasn't aired out on the internet for the entire world to see. The saving grace is, you're a figure in a story that no one knows. They're responding to a figment created by him, not YOU personally. They don't even know you. It also tells you a great deal about his maturity (or lack of) level. Learn and move on.


If it makes you feel any better, it doesn't get better or easier as you get older.

 

[Navarre]

It's hard not to defend ourselves when we feel we are being attacked. But Gemini is right. Nothing said on any board will ever accurately capture the truth of a real relationship.

I might be miserable in my current relationship (speaking oh so hypothetically of course) but addressing it here would gain nothing. The subtleties of a relationship could never be explained in a way that would allow the reader to really know either me or my partner.

Usually when ppl express their emotions they are only looking for validation and support. Even you might find yourself in that category by looking to others for understanding and backing.

That's okay, for this is human nature. But ultimately it will never get you anywhere. Only you can deal with the problem. We can only stand by you on your journey.

Please try to let it go; all of it. It might be hard. He might try to make it as hard as possible. It might take time. But in the end it is the onlyway to not hurt over a terrible situation.

I wish you the best, Kamaria. We'll be around if you need us.

 

[MartialIntent]

I would echo all the above sentiments. A cliche probably, but try to look on this as an experience with a positive outcome. You say you're happier, as does he - so? Be happy!

If - despite the vehement protests to the contrary - there's still a spark between you, you owe it to yourselves to try again. Life is fleeting - and guilt is a useless emotion. But if not and all those insults and accusations are from the heart then draw a line under your relationship this very day and say, "Done - finished."

Take care and good luck.

 

[Gin-Gin]

Everyone's allowed one mistake. Mark him down as yours and move on.

With his anger he might say things that are hurtful, for he is feeling hurtful. Do not acknowledge them, just move on, and stay away. Be polite in social situations if contact is a must, but leave ASAP, and do not be rude to make him more angry.

Both are good advice. I would add to the last sentence not to be rude or make a scene if you run into him in social situations because to observers it will reinforce all the stuff he said about you.

Take care of yourself Kamaria, & try to let it go. We're here for support if you need us.