Question for those that teach kids

[skribs]

I like kids too. The way you described them is exactly how I see them as well. I recently had two little twin boys that started attending the class I taught. They were coming from a McDojo and are not very disciplined on the floor or seemingly at home. One of them actually said to me, "we aren't here for you to learn our names, we are here to learn karate." This coming from a 7 or 8 year old, lol. My response was to tell them to 'never speak to an instructor like that again and.......(dramatic pause) I will speak to you after class'. Never saw them after class. They grabbed their coats and were out the door . Subsequent classes, they have been better. Not perfect, but better.

It sounds like you have a tough case and the parents aren't going to help out. Our head instructor is pretty good to remind me and the parents that this is a dojo and not a daycare. We're here to teach karate, not to babysit. Good luck.

The thing I've found is that while I sit here reading horror stories from teachers about getting 0 support from the administration and the parents...that's education. The parents who bring their kids to martial arts usually want their kids to be disciplined. Most of the time the parents complain about me going too easy on their kids, rather than too hard on their kids.

There's one of our classes that has a kid that's pretty much a bully. About 2-3 times a month one of the instructors will have a talk with our Master about him, and then our Master will call him into the office and have a long chat with him. I've sat in on a few of those chats myself. A little while ago, I kicked him out of class for the day because of his attitude. His Dad came up and personally thanked me. Imagine that happening in a regular school! If I was a regular teacher and suspended a student, the parents would probably want me fired.

One thing I try and do with students like this is as much as I cannot tolerate their attitude when they have a bad attitude, I make an effort to point out when they're doing good. I do this so they realize they don't have to act out to get attention. And I make an effort to tell the kids' parents that the kid had a good day. There was one student who came up to me and personally thanked me for that. I want the students to know that I don't hate them, I just cannot tolerate the bad behavior.

As to Tez' problem...is the issue with the girl, or her father? I can't give any advice on that!

 

[Yokozuna514]

One thing I try and do with students like this is as much as I cannot tolerate their attitude when they have a bad attitude, I make an effort to point out when they're doing good. I do this so they realize they don't have to act out to get attention. And I make an effort to tell the kids' parents that the kid had a good day. There was one student who came up to me and personally thanked me for that. I want the students to know that I don't hate them, I just cannot tolerate the bad behavior.

That is definitely a good tactic. We use what is colloquially known as the sandwich technique. We start the point with something good, then sandwich a the comment about the behaviour we want corrected, finally we finish with a positive point that they can be proud of achieving. The good-bad-good method of delivery seems to be better accepted in the majority of the cases. However, that being said, if the unwanted behaviour escalates I believe a firm voice is the best second step. The third step is to ask them to stand in the corner or leave the class. I've only had to do this on a few occasions with, believe it or not, teenage boys. Strangely, at the end of the session I received gifts from the parents of these kids.

 

[skribs]

That is definitely a good tactic. We use what is colloquially known as the sandwich technique. We start the point with something good, then sandwich a the comment about the behaviour we want corrected, finally we finish with a positive point that they can be proud of achieving. The good-bad-good method of delivery seems to be better accepted in the majority of the cases. However, that being said, if the unwanted behaviour escalates I believe a firm voice is the best second step. The third step is to ask them to stand in the corner or leave the class. I've only had to do this on a few occasions with, believe it or not, teenage boys. Strangely, at the end of the session I received gifts from the parents of these kids.

My master likes to keep a fast pace in the class, or else the energy in the whole class gets down, so we don't have time for the sandwich method most of the time. I use that more when correcting technique.

For behavior, we have a lot of tricks that we use. One is, when the kids are talking too much, instead of telling them to be quiet, my Master will use a call-and-response. For example "Take your right leg back sparring stance and..." is the queue for kids to take their sparring stance and kiyhap. When everyone kiyhaps, that loud noise jolts all the talkers out of their conversation for a second and usually is enough for them to focus on the Master.

 

[Tez3]

As to Tez' problem...is the issue with the girl, or her father? I can't give any advice on that!

I think it's both, in fact I think it's a family problem overall. Other girls have told me she behaves like that at school and has a 'one to one', a teaching assistant assigned to her. I think the parents don't want to tell us what's going on.

In martial arts we don't get children staying for long, their parents get posted out and it's off again on the circle of new area, house, school and clubs. it's hard and we don't tend to have many who are trouble but many are world weary already even at aged 10 or so. By 12 they could have been at as many as four schools. If they carry on with martial arts they have experience of a few as the same style isn't always available. The problems if we have any with the martial arts kids tends to be them missing mum or dad, worrying and fretting. The years of the Afghan war were horrendous, everyone of the children knew someone whose parent had either been killed or wounded. In our senior class we lost two students.
Our MMA fighters bless them would come in and let the kids 'beat' them up, not recommended I'm sure by many but just getting that fear, frustration and anger out helped as well getting that 'mess around time' that the boys especially need with a chap. The younger children missed their parent, the older ones did but with the knowledge too of where they were and what they were doing. it's something I understand, I had it with my children during the Falklands war and Northern Ireland.

Just as an aside, there is a film being made on the Garrison here about soldiers wives during that time, it's starring Dame Kirsten Scott Thomas so keep an eye out for it. Some of our kids and military families are extras Kristin Scott Thomas and Sharon Horgan to star in Military Wives | Live for Films

 

[Yokozuna514]

Ok, so last night I had to teach a group of really young kids and apparently there was a bullying issue that happened in a previous class a few days before. The little boy was 5 and didn't want to be there. Apparently it took a lot persuading on his parents part to get the kid to come back. The mother pulled me aside before the class started to let me know what was going on but I had told her that the head instructor already advised me as to the situation. Five minutes into class, the little boy breaks down in sobbing tears (we were finishing the warm up and starting kihon). I had to stop class to speak the boy and could see (and hear) his mom on the sideline trying to quiet him down. After giving her a hand signal to let me handle it and to stay where she was, we switched gears and did some more active exercise. This led to bigger tears so I switched gears again and pulled him off to the side to have a little chat. The rest of the class was pretty good about it and just kept doing sit ups, push ups, jumping jacks.....pretty much anything they could think of while I was speaking with the boy. Fortunately, I had a little guy in the class who's had me for awhile so he kept things flowing while I spoke with the boy. All the little boy could say through the tears was he wanted to go home and be with his mommy. I asked him if he wanted to give her a quick visit and come back but he was adamant he wanted to go home. So I agreed. I told him there was 35 minutes left in the class and AFTER class, he was more than welcome to go home but I bet him that by the end of the class he would be smiling. We go back on the floor and of course I pull out all the stops and create a little 'karate' obstacle course. Fifteen minutes later, the little boy was laughing and smiling. We ended off the class on a very high note. I took the opportunity to reinforce that the dojo was a place to train with our friends and that bullying behaviour is not acceptable. I also mentioned that giving up was not acceptable and it is ok to make a mistake from time to time but to just keep going even if it is through the tears.

This is the first time I met this little boy and I am not sure if he will continue to do karate but I thought it was important for him to stick with the class to the end. If for nothing else but for him to see that things are not as bad as he thinks even when he feels he isn't good at something. I am sure there is more to this story but this is not my regular class to teach so I may never see this little boy again.

 

[dvcochran]

I am adjusting my diet. Let's just say I'm not a good role model when it comes to diet. My excuse, however legitimate, is that without a sense of smell, I don't know when food goes bad. As a result, my diet is mostly processed food and fast food.

And yes, PNW. We have a "flu season" but pretty much any time kids get back from vacation is flu season.

This one just hit me pretty hard, because I was coasting on a 102 fever for like 3 days, and because this is the first one that's going to cause me to miss judging tests. I can't even go watch my nephew test for his yellow belt today, because I haven't had my fever broken for long enough. This Friday, my Mom is testing for basically Black Belt 1.1 (an intermediate test between degrees), and there's the black belt tests for several kids that started taking class around when I started teaching. There's a guy I basically dragged into the Master's office to test (because he's been ready for months and kept saying no) and I told him I'd be there for his test. And there's a girl that helped me with my 3rd degree test that's getting ready to test for her 3rd degree, and she was counting on my help (which I won't be able to give).

So the last ones it's usually been about me missing a few classes and getting back into it. But this is a pretty big week for me to be on the sidelines for.

Great list of people you are involved with. A good thing to pour yourself personally into others. Sometimes life has other plans and we have to find a way to adapt and still do our job. You can find a way.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Ok, so last night I had to teach a group of really young kids and apparently there was a bullying issue that happened in a previous class a few days before. The little boy was 5 and didn't want to be there. Apparently it took a lot persuading on his parents part to get the kid to come back. The mother pulled me aside before the class started to let me know what was going on but I had told her that the head instructor already advised me as to the situation. Five minutes into class, the little boy breaks down in sobbing tears (we were finishing the warm up and starting kihon). I had to stop class to speak the boy and could see (and hear) his mom on the sideline trying to quiet him down. After giving her a hand signal to let me handle it and to stay where she was, we switched gears and did some more active exercise. This led to bigger tears so I switched gears again and pulled him off to the side to have a little chat. The rest of the class was pretty good about it and just kept doing sit ups, push ups, jumping jacks.....pretty much anything they could think of while I was speaking with the boy. Fortunately, I had a little guy in the class who's had me for awhile so he kept things flowing while I spoke with the boy. All the little boy could say through the tears was he wanted to go home and be with his mommy. I asked him if he wanted to give her a quick visit and come back but he was adamant he wanted to go home. So I agreed. I told him there was 35 minutes left in the class and AFTER class, he was more than welcome to go home but I bet him that by the end of the class he would be smiling. We go back on the floor and of course I pull out all the stops and create a little 'karate' obstacle course. Fifteen minutes later, the little boy was laughing and smiling. We ended off the class on a very high note. I took the opportunity to reinforce that the dojo was a place to train with our friends and that bullying behaviour is not acceptable. I also mentioned that giving up was not acceptable and it is ok to make a mistake from time to time but to just keep going even if it is through the tears.

This is the first time I met this little boy and I am not sure if he will continue to do karate but I thought it was important for him to stick with the class to the end. If for nothing else but for him to see that things are not as bad as he thinks even when he feels he isn't good at something. I am sure there is more to this story but this is not my regular class to teach so I may never see this little boy again.

Well done.

 

[dvcochran]

I think it's both, in fact I think it's a family problem overall. Other girls have told me she behaves like that at school and has a 'one to one', a teaching assistant assigned to her. I think the parents don't want to tell us what's going on.

In martial arts we don't get children staying for long, their parents get posted out and it's off again on the circle of new area, house, school and clubs. it's hard and we don't tend to have many who are trouble but many are world weary already even at aged 10 or so. By 12 they could have been at as many as four schools. If they carry on with martial arts they have experience of a few as the same style isn't always available. The problems if we have any with the martial arts kids tends to be them missing mum or dad, worrying and fretting. The years of the Afghan war were horrendous, everyone of the children knew someone whose parent had either been killed or wounded. In our senior class we lost two students.
Our MMA fighters bless them would come in and let the kids 'beat' them up, not recommended I'm sure by many but just getting that fear, frustration and anger out helped as well getting that 'mess around time' that the boys especially need with a chap. The younger children missed their parent, the older ones did but with the knowledge too of where they were and what they were doing. it's something I understand, I had it with my children during the Falklands war and Northern Ireland.

Just as an aside, there is a film being made on the Garrison here about soldiers wives during that time, it's starring Dame Kirsten Scott Thomas so keep an eye out for it. Some of our kids and military families are extras Kristin Scott Thomas and Sharon Horgan to star in Military Wives | Live for Films

Very, very commendable. Thank you for you service abroad.

 

[_Simon_]

Ok, so last night I had to teach a group of really young kids and apparently there was a bullying issue that happened in a previous class a few days before. The little boy was 5 and didn't want to be there. Apparently it took a lot persuading on his parents part to get the kid to come back. The mother pulled me aside before the class started to let me know what was going on but I had told her that the head instructor already advised me as to the situation. Five minutes into class, the little boy breaks down in sobbing tears (we were finishing the warm up and starting kihon). I had to stop class to speak the boy and could see (and hear) his mom on the sideline trying to quiet him down. After giving her a hand signal to let me handle it and to stay where she was, we switched gears and did some more active exercise. This led to bigger tears so I switched gears again and pulled him off to the side to have a little chat. The rest of the class was pretty good about it and just kept doing sit ups, push ups, jumping jacks.....pretty much anything they could think of while I was speaking with the boy. Fortunately, I had a little guy in the class who's had me for awhile so he kept things flowing while I spoke with the boy. All the little boy could say through the tears was he wanted to go home and be with his mommy. I asked him if he wanted to give her a quick visit and come back but he was adamant he wanted to go home. So I agreed. I told him there was 35 minutes left in the class and AFTER class, he was more than welcome to go home but I bet him that by the end of the class he would be smiling. We go back on the floor and of course I pull out all the stops and create a little 'karate' obstacle course. Fifteen minutes later, the little boy was laughing and smiling. We ended off the class on a very high note. I took the opportunity to reinforce that the dojo was a place to train with our friends and that bullying behaviour is not acceptable. I also mentioned that giving up was not acceptable and it is ok to make a mistake from time to time but to just keep going even if it is through the tears.

This is the first time I met this little boy and I am not sure if he will continue to do karate but I thought it was important for him to stick with the class to the end. If for nothing else but for him to see that things are not as bad as he thinks even when he feels he isn't good at something. I am sure there is more to this story but this is not my regular class to teach so I may never see this little boy again.

That... is awesome. Many props to you, you handled that so well mate

Ps. And love the new avatar pic, go E. Honda!!! "Hrrr hrrr hrrrr"

 

[stickarts]

Whether it's a normal teaching job or as a martial arts instructor...how long did it take teaching before you stopped getting sick?

I've been teaching at my dojang for about 4.5 years now. I had pretty much avoided interactions with children for several years prior to that. Well, since I've been teaching, I've been sick probably 25-30 times, or around 5-6 times a year. How long should it take before my body gets used to the germs that these incubators bring to class and I can expect to be a bit more reliable?

Fortunately that never happened with me! Id say for each person it's different.