Pets!

[KenpoTess]

my cat does pretty nicely in the tub and getting her claws clipped, Need her to give lessons to Sadie though *G* I pick her up and lay her on her back on my lap, holding each paw in turn, clip away. When I first started clipping her claws, I had to wrap her up in a towel and just fish around til I found a paw and clip.. but now she's used to it
Bath-wise she doesn't approve one iota.. but she sits in the water and glares at me.. though I have forgone blow drying her.. that's one things she refuses to allow

 

[edhead2000]

Would you be willing to give me lessons!? My cat won't get anywhere NEAR the bathroom while water is running.

 

[KenpoTess]

CAT BATHING AS A MARTIAL ART
by Howard "Bud" Herron

Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their system that works like new, improved Wisk--dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.

The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty in July."

When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:

--Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions!)

--Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

--Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.

--Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penny.)

--Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun on the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

--Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

--Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out by this time. Drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

--In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

--You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.

--But at least now he smells a lot better.

Bathing a Cat is a Martial Art

 

[kenpo12]

Dogs rule! Not just as pets but as personal protection.

 

[someguy]

You may think that dogs are great but can you get one to ride on your sholder. I need to get my one eyed cat a eye patch then he could be my version of a parot if I ever become a pirate.

 

[Chronuss]

Originally posted by KenpoTess
They say cats lick themselves clean.

well...I don't lick myself clean...but everyone has seen me groom myself either on myself or someone else's shoulder..

 

[Chronuss]

Originally posted by KenpoTess
You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.[/URL]

...Tess...this sounds oddly familiar of the experiences with Mouse...however...methinks she didn't cling to your army helmet or leg thereafter...instead ran outta the bathroom then hunched over and glared at you over her shoulder with wet clumps of muttled fur...:rofl:

 

[KenpoTess]

heheee yesh indeed.. she was not a happy mouse .. methinks she stayed in the Living room for a few hours plotting her revenge~!!
she was a very odd looking creature all bedraggled and forlornly wet.

 

[KenpoTess]

Originally posted by Chronuss
well...I don't lick myself clean...but everyone has seen me groom myself either on myself or someone else's shoulder..

Yeppers.. in fact you were doing just that Monday night

 

[Chronuss]

that she was....at least you didn't come away with all the skin on your body gone...:rofl:

 

[Chronuss]

Originally posted by KenpoTess
Yeppers.. in fact you were doing just that Monday night

...I do that every night. :shrug:

 

[KenpoTess]

no I have a preference not to being flayed alive~!!!


Yesh you do do that every night.. *ruffles*

 

[Chronuss]

you shan't ruffle my feathers!! :armed:

 

[KenpoTess]

Originally posted by Chronuss
you shan't ruffle my feathers!! :armed:

wanna bet :duel: -vampfeed-

 

[Chronuss]

...in the words of Space Balls...

My pointy thing is bigger than your pointy thing!!:knight:

 

[KenpoTess]

mebbe so.. but I have a APD soooo neeners~!!!
:knight:

 

[Chronuss]

..thankfully, as seen in the picture...I was wearing my tin foil hat!! ha! so there.

 

[KenpoTess]

bloody hell .. so am I~!!!

 

[Chronuss]

rats......I have more tin foil though!!!!

 

[KenpoTess]

yesh cuz you have a bigger gourd than I :Beams proudly*