Parents vs Instructor Coaching

[Dad of lady Taz!]

During my brief stint in the sport, I have noticed that quite a few athletes have a parent/coach. The success rate doesn't seem to skew one way or the other, as opposed to having an instructor coach. Yet, I do hear quite a few negative comments from instructors/masters who don't like to see parents coach. You can look at the cases of two rising female tae kwon do athletes Cheyenne Lewis "parent coach" vs Derianne Morales "instructor coach" both have had success in the last year, each with their own approach. To me the typical arguments cancel themselves out. Too close to the athlete, too detached from the athlete, too emotionally involved, not emotionally involved enough...are points that you can argue ad infinitum.

My question is other than some of the above typical arguments, why would an instructor/master have a problem with a parent/coach. Now, I'm not talking about training, that's altogether different. Everyone has their own philosophy when it comes to the actual training and how they work between home and the studio. What I'm talking about is on game day the parent sitting in and giving instruction.

Ok, the can of worms is now open!

 

[Daniel Sullivan]

During my brief stint in the sport, I have noticed that quite a few athletes have a parent/coach. The success rate doesn't seem to skew one way or the other, as opposed to having an instructor coach. Yet, I do hear quite a few negative comments from instructors/masters who don't like to see parents coach. You can look at the cases of two rising female tae kwon do athletes Cheyenne Lewis "parent coach" vs Derianne Morales "instructor coach" both have had success in the last year, each with their own approach. To me the typical arguments cancel themselves out. Too close to the athlete, too detached from the athlete, too emotionally involved, not emotionally involved enough...are points that you can argue ad infinitum.

My question is other than some of the above typical arguments, why would an instructor/master have a problem with a parent/coach. Now, I'm not talking about training, that's altogether different. Everyone has their own philosophy when it comes to the actual training and how they work between home and the studio. What I'm talking about is on game day the parent sitting in and giving instruction.

Ok, the can of worms is now open!

Maybe instructor/coaches have a bad taste in their mouth from bad parental in the dojang or in kids' athletics? Everyone has seen the parent that simply thinks that they can ref, coach, and judge better than whoever happens to be doing so on any given day and who is overly loud, obnoxious, and confrontational.

I don't have an opinion one way or the other. It really depends upon the parent and the daughter/son. Some parents are very involved in a healthy way and happen to have good coaching skills. Some players will listen to a parent moreso than a teacher or coach. The two together is a healthy combination.

Likewise, some parents make poor coaches. Some sons/daughters will listen to a teacher or coach more than they will their parents. Such a competitor would benefit more from an instructor/coach.

I don't think that there is any one correct answer.

Daniel

 

[searcher]

I have only had a few parents that thought they wanted to coach, so I always give them a shot. What typically goes down is that the student gets frustrated by the parents advice and they end up losing their matches. I do, however, have some students who are also parents of students and they perform very well as coaches. They have been in the position that their children are in and they know how to give advice that does not adversely effect the kid.

Where I see the problem is when parents are not nor have they ever been training in a martial art. I lost 2 of my students due to a parent thinking they could coach as well as one of the parents that actually train(this parent trained for +/-6 months around 20 years ago). She had no idea of what to do, but would not listen to reason. The result was one of the students taking a pretty good beating(I was across the other side of the facility). Others tried to give the girl advice, but the parent told her to not listen to them. I really think it depends on the person and if they truly want to be a help.

 

[Gorilla]

I think that it is a case of what works best for the athlete. My kids need a coach. I am best in the stands filming the matches and trying my best to keep my mouth shut! In the end as the athlete matures they take charge of their own training. Choosing who they want to work with.

 

[KarateMomUSA]

Maybe instructor/coaches have a bad taste in their mouth from bad parental in the dojang or in kids' athletics? Everyone has seen the parent that simply thinks that they can ref, coach, and judge better than whoever happens to be doing so on any given day and who is overly loud, obnoxious, and confrontational.

I don't have an opinion one way or the other. It really depends upon the parent and the daughter/son. Some parents are very involved in a healthy way and happen to have good coaching skills. Some players will listen to a parent moreso than a teacher or coach. The two together is a healthy combination.

Likewise, some parents make poor coaches. Some sons/daughters will listen to a teacher or coach more than they will their parents. Such a competitor would benefit more from an instructor/coach.

I don't think that there is any one correct answer.

Daniel

I think you are right, there is no 1 best fit in all circumstances. I like the general advice that Gen Choi gave when he suggested that parents, while the 1st teachers of their off spring should give up their children at some point to talented & dedicated teachers, as they can have better objectivity. He did that with his own son.
Now what I would really love is to have this answer from the perspective of the youngster.

 

[ATC]

Tomato, Tomoto…It really comes down to the parent having the knowledge to coach. That is it in a nutshell.

You have good and bad instructor coaches, just as you have good and bad parent coaches. Plus you have some students that respond better to one vs. the other.

As to why some instructors look down on parent coaches, one word, ego. I know Cheyenne Lewis’s dad and her story is one that makes me chuckle every time I think about it. Short version is she was at one school and was told she was not good enough to compete. Dad got pissed for the most part took her out of the school and trained her himself. Then he found someone that could take her training to the next level. Actually went to a couple of other schools. The master of the school that brushed her off really feels bad now but ego got the better of him at the time.

Coaching is just that, coaching, but it is not training. Even though Cheyenne’s dad may coach her sometimes, he does not train her. For the most part fighters at some point really coach and train themselves. At the elite level the person in the chair is only there to keep you focused and calm.

It is not hard to coach at the elite level. Coaches that develop color belts is where you really have to understand and know you stuff. Why do you thing Juan and Jean can just take anyone’s top competitor and coach them? Not because they are some great coach, but because the fighter is already good at coaching themselves. They already have all the tools and understand the game.

Go to any tournament when Jean and Juan coach color belts and you will see them lose and lose badly a lot. Even their black belt students get beat pretty badly. In the end it all comes down to the fighter, not the coach.

 

[terryl965]

Each athlete sometime in there careers will make a decission of what is best for them. I do not coach my own kids simply they have a better chance with someone beside dad, instructor.

 

[StudentCarl]

...Now, I'm not talking about training, that's altogether different. Everyone has their own philosophy when it comes to the actual training and how they work between home and the studio.

I don't think it is different. It's the training that prepares the student to win. The coach in the chair needs to be able to read the opponent and fine tune the athlete's game plan. The coach also needs to know his/her own athlete to coach any mental game needs, but again, much of that is built in training.

A great coach gets the most from his/her athlete. It's a complex relationship. Some parents and children can do it and some can't. There will always be exceptions but, as a rule, I think most parents are not the best coach for their own child.

 

[Gorilla]

Tomato, Tomoto…It really comes down to the parent having the knowledge to coach. That is it in a nutshell.

You have good and bad instructor coaches, just as you have good and bad parent coaches. Plus you have some students that respond better to one vs. the other.

As to why some instructors look down on parent coaches, one word, ego. I know Cheyenne Lewis’s dad and her story is one that makes me chuckle every time I think about it. Short version is she was at one school and was told she was not good enough to compete. Dad got pissed for the most part took her out of the school and trained her himself. Then he found someone that could take her training to the next level. Actually went to a couple of other schools. The master of the school that brushed her off really feels bad now but ego got the better of him at the time.

Coaching is just that, coaching, but it is not training. Even though Cheyenne’s dad may coach her sometimes, he does not train her. For the most part fighters at some point really coach and train themselves. At the elite level the person in the chair is only there to keep you focused and calm.

It is not hard to coach at the elite level. Coaches that develop color belts is where you really have to understand and know you stuff. Why do you thing Juan and Jean can just take anyone’s top competitor and coach them? Not because they are some great coach, but because the fighter is already good at coaching themselves. They already have all the tools and understand the game.

Go to any tournament when Jean and Juan coach color belts and you will see them lose and lose badly a lot. Even their black belt students get beat pretty badly. In the end it all comes down to the fighter, not the coach.

Right on the button! Great Post!

 

[ETinCYQX]

Well, as I usually do I'll offer nothing but my personal preference and experience.

My Dad and Mom started training a bit after my sister and I and in the peak of our competition, my sister and I were red belts, my best friend was a junior black belt, and my Mom and Dad were both blue belts. They were quite involved in our training and in the school in general, so they coached lower belts quite often and in a pinch they'd coach myself or my sister, but they preferred to let an instructor take care of it, both because of the belt level and the level of attachment. My Dad was more comfortable coaching us FWIW.

Also when I was younger, first when my Dad started helping out with a younger kid's class and asked me to join him, I had a problem taking orders and addressing him as "Sir". Looking back, that may have been motivation for asking me to join him in the first place.