Rachel2012
White Belt
Greetings fellow Chinese MA practitioners....
I'm in a bit of a quandary. 10 years ago I began studying Kung Fu at a local school not far from where I lived. I was young (around 19) and enjoyed it a lot...except my instructor was incredibly abusive and manipulative. His kung fu was great, but he was not. The "weirdness" started a couple of months after I arrived...first they were weird comments about the instructor touching himself in his bathtub (gags--he was over 55), and comments about how he'd like to see a fellow classmate take off her clothes. I never gave the creeper the time of day (he'd occasionally ask personal questions). There was also an excessive bully mentality concerning other martial arts (they know nothing!) and superiority complex (my kung fu is the best! our forms are secret!). This grew to be worse and worse, to the point where he (the instructor) would talk trash about students on evenings they were not present in class. It also extended to lengthy storytelling on behalf of the instructor telling us how he crippled a man and several bar fights he had gotten into. There were not many females there. I became one of his top students since I attended the class on a consistent basis. The school was/is affiliated with a parent-school in a neighboring city. Whenever a student or other instructor from the parent school visited, he changed his tune and was friendly and entirely different. We belt-tested at the parent school. At one point, after seeing how other women at the parent school were able to learn forms such as staff, I inquired about learning it. I was explicitly told that I would need to learn fan form since it was "for women" and not "staff" since that was a "boys form." He threatened a 12 year old female student who began learning the fan form before me, and told them if she told me that she was learning it she would be expelled from the school. I also discovered that he was telling the men in the school to hit me, preferably harder. Then, of course he would turn around and say that I was the one going hard on the men (what a joke right!?). I injured my back, and was told that testing could not be made up...yet right after a re-injury due to belt testing, I found out a male student who had inconsistent attendance was allowed a private test with the senior teacher from the other school. We were told many horrid stories about the instructor's teacher and how he frequently failed students (none of it was true). This scared my 12 year old classmate to the point where she was shaking before taking tests out of fright. Our teacher, and most senior ranking student of the Chinese master, and was a grader on many of the belt exams, so you could never get away from him. However, I really liked learning kung fu.
I had enough one day (obviously after all that bs) and wanted to train with his instructor. I went to the head master's school (which is quite a distance from my house) and asked for his permission. When I was there I informed him, (not of all the crap) but that I just wanted a change and felt more comfortable training at his school...he was/is a very old Chinese man. His wife who was sitting there (since he doesn't speak English very well she translated some of it) told me that several people did not get along with his most senior student. The master said I could attend the school, if I had the permission from my local teacher. Keep in mind, their school was run entirely different, when I went there people were having a good time, the training was still tough, but there was no backbiting, superiority, or any junk like I had at my own school. They seemed like a genuine caring learning environment.
When I returned that Saturday to speak to my instructor to gain permission, he was furious with me. I was of course, yelled at for my supposed disloyalty and told that I would not be allowed. And how dare I go over there and talk to the master. This was in the days when social media was fairly new, and both myself and another female classmate in their late 20's had added many of our classmates on myspace...(yes that dates this story!). One of the students in high school sent me a message wondering why i was so upset, he seemed genuinely concerned, and was. I sent him a message explaining what happened, and why I wanted to leave (stating a few, but not all the reasons, particularly NOT the weird sexual comments) I used the word "crap" in my message to him--which to me is exactly what was going on.
I returned back to the studio with some of my relatives (power in numbers I hoped?) to ask again the next Tuesday. As it turns out, and since I was young and stupid at the time, the instructor manipulated the high school student into turning over the email to him (I'm sure with some form of blackmail since that was his forte). He then stated that he would never give me permission (despite me being his top student at the school) and that I was a bad influence on what he termed as "children" (a joke since the teen I sent the email to was not much younger than myself and was drinking beer in his selfie on his social account). He said that "we don't need or want people like you." And basically kicked me out. I was really upset since I had spent over 12 hours a week practicing for those 2 years.
As I walked out of the studio I saw the student who gave him my email, he was in the corner crying about what happened and he repeatedly apologized to me. (figures right!). I was far too afraid to go back to the grandmaster and say anything. Knowing that the teacher was horribly manipulative, frequently lied, and had even his own instructor fooled about his character, I knew I stood no chance to even try or explain what was really going on. I was also afraid I would be injured by this man since he had my home address and kung fu was his god. If his teacher reprimanded him, it would come back on my head. Even if I was allowed back, I probably would not pass any belt exams since he judged them.
I left and spent 3 years studying at other martial arts schools so I would not lose my skills. Eventually my new teachers moved back to China. I told myself though, if the the original teacher who barred me from training ever passed on, I would go back and ask about returning.
It has been 12 years since this happened. I still remember many of the old forms from the school (since I studied various other martial arts and kept practicing). Most (if not all) of the students I trained with have long since gone. I'm not sure if the old master is even still alive. I would love to go back and finish what I started, now that the manipulative and abusive environment would be gone.
What do you think is the best way to approach the situation? Many people respected the former student/instructor who died (over a year has passed since his death), although enough of them did complain about his oddball behavior. Should I send the school a letter? Inquire if the grandmaster is still alive? Get support letters from my other classmates at my schools or friends and professors? Advice?
I'm in a bit of a quandary. 10 years ago I began studying Kung Fu at a local school not far from where I lived. I was young (around 19) and enjoyed it a lot...except my instructor was incredibly abusive and manipulative. His kung fu was great, but he was not. The "weirdness" started a couple of months after I arrived...first they were weird comments about the instructor touching himself in his bathtub (gags--he was over 55), and comments about how he'd like to see a fellow classmate take off her clothes. I never gave the creeper the time of day (he'd occasionally ask personal questions). There was also an excessive bully mentality concerning other martial arts (they know nothing!) and superiority complex (my kung fu is the best! our forms are secret!). This grew to be worse and worse, to the point where he (the instructor) would talk trash about students on evenings they were not present in class. It also extended to lengthy storytelling on behalf of the instructor telling us how he crippled a man and several bar fights he had gotten into. There were not many females there. I became one of his top students since I attended the class on a consistent basis. The school was/is affiliated with a parent-school in a neighboring city. Whenever a student or other instructor from the parent school visited, he changed his tune and was friendly and entirely different. We belt-tested at the parent school. At one point, after seeing how other women at the parent school were able to learn forms such as staff, I inquired about learning it. I was explicitly told that I would need to learn fan form since it was "for women" and not "staff" since that was a "boys form." He threatened a 12 year old female student who began learning the fan form before me, and told them if she told me that she was learning it she would be expelled from the school. I also discovered that he was telling the men in the school to hit me, preferably harder. Then, of course he would turn around and say that I was the one going hard on the men (what a joke right!?). I injured my back, and was told that testing could not be made up...yet right after a re-injury due to belt testing, I found out a male student who had inconsistent attendance was allowed a private test with the senior teacher from the other school. We were told many horrid stories about the instructor's teacher and how he frequently failed students (none of it was true). This scared my 12 year old classmate to the point where she was shaking before taking tests out of fright. Our teacher, and most senior ranking student of the Chinese master, and was a grader on many of the belt exams, so you could never get away from him. However, I really liked learning kung fu.
I had enough one day (obviously after all that bs) and wanted to train with his instructor. I went to the head master's school (which is quite a distance from my house) and asked for his permission. When I was there I informed him, (not of all the crap) but that I just wanted a change and felt more comfortable training at his school...he was/is a very old Chinese man. His wife who was sitting there (since he doesn't speak English very well she translated some of it) told me that several people did not get along with his most senior student. The master said I could attend the school, if I had the permission from my local teacher. Keep in mind, their school was run entirely different, when I went there people were having a good time, the training was still tough, but there was no backbiting, superiority, or any junk like I had at my own school. They seemed like a genuine caring learning environment.
When I returned that Saturday to speak to my instructor to gain permission, he was furious with me. I was of course, yelled at for my supposed disloyalty and told that I would not be allowed. And how dare I go over there and talk to the master. This was in the days when social media was fairly new, and both myself and another female classmate in their late 20's had added many of our classmates on myspace...(yes that dates this story!). One of the students in high school sent me a message wondering why i was so upset, he seemed genuinely concerned, and was. I sent him a message explaining what happened, and why I wanted to leave (stating a few, but not all the reasons, particularly NOT the weird sexual comments) I used the word "crap" in my message to him--which to me is exactly what was going on.
I returned back to the studio with some of my relatives (power in numbers I hoped?) to ask again the next Tuesday. As it turns out, and since I was young and stupid at the time, the instructor manipulated the high school student into turning over the email to him (I'm sure with some form of blackmail since that was his forte). He then stated that he would never give me permission (despite me being his top student at the school) and that I was a bad influence on what he termed as "children" (a joke since the teen I sent the email to was not much younger than myself and was drinking beer in his selfie on his social account). He said that "we don't need or want people like you." And basically kicked me out. I was really upset since I had spent over 12 hours a week practicing for those 2 years.
As I walked out of the studio I saw the student who gave him my email, he was in the corner crying about what happened and he repeatedly apologized to me. (figures right!). I was far too afraid to go back to the grandmaster and say anything. Knowing that the teacher was horribly manipulative, frequently lied, and had even his own instructor fooled about his character, I knew I stood no chance to even try or explain what was really going on. I was also afraid I would be injured by this man since he had my home address and kung fu was his god. If his teacher reprimanded him, it would come back on my head. Even if I was allowed back, I probably would not pass any belt exams since he judged them.
I left and spent 3 years studying at other martial arts schools so I would not lose my skills. Eventually my new teachers moved back to China. I told myself though, if the the original teacher who barred me from training ever passed on, I would go back and ask about returning.
It has been 12 years since this happened. I still remember many of the old forms from the school (since I studied various other martial arts and kept practicing). Most (if not all) of the students I trained with have long since gone. I'm not sure if the old master is even still alive. I would love to go back and finish what I started, now that the manipulative and abusive environment would be gone.
What do you think is the best way to approach the situation? Many people respected the former student/instructor who died (over a year has passed since his death), although enough of them did complain about his oddball behavior. Should I send the school a letter? Inquire if the grandmaster is still alive? Get support letters from my other classmates at my schools or friends and professors? Advice?
