Magic Martial Arts.

Ok, I know this thread is way old...but I just found it, and I would like to share this tibbit of information with everyone:

Excerpts for MNSS Newsletter #18935

Hans Eric Bristol Defeats Rickson Gracie
Ever since Hans Eric Bristol started sending Rickson Gracie numerous challenges, Rickson has not responded. Hans even used a male stripper messenger service to deliver the challenge to Rickson himself at his school in Pacific Palisades, California on January 23, 2004 to invoke a response from him. Still, nothing. On December 12, 2004, Hans Eric Bristol was finally able to challenge Rickson. At 2:00 A.M. in the morning, Hans through meditation made his celestial body separate from his physical body. His celestial body arrived at Rickson's home where Hans drew Rickson's celestial body out into the open. Rickson's celestial self accepted the challenge. Hans visualized a cage out in the Neo-Tranzoride realm where the fight was to take place.
During the fight, Rickson attempted numerous takedowns. Hans was able to evade the takedowns by shifting his body to the side and visually redirecting Rickson's eyesight with a feinting motion. The frustrated Rickson attempted to punch. Hans was able to block and dodge many of the punches, but Rickson did land one sharp jab at Hans' face. Then suddenly, Hans darted, and he disappeared from Rickson's frontal view. Then Rickson was surprised to know that Hans was in back of him. He turned around where he was met with a left hook to the chin. Rickson was knocked out in 21.3 seconds. Hans Eric Bristol has won the challenge. Keep in mind, the Neo-Tranzoride realm is a place in the celestial plane where the physical laws of nature are EXACTLY the same as in reality as proven by neo-physicists, so this is valid victory. After the fight, Rickson woke up in his bedroom with a bruised chin with total memory of what has happened. Hans also was able to pinch Rickson's sacral nerve after he was knocked out which made him impotent. Hans imputed into Rickson's memory that he is the only one who can align his nerve function meridian, and that he will only do this if Rickson's would release a public letter telling of his defeat to Hans Eric Bristol Hans Eric Bristol thanks Rickson Gracie for accepting this challenge. Rickson Gracie is wholeheartedly respected.

This, I swear, is from his newsletter, than can be linked here: http://streetcombat.8m.com/update.html

Maybe someone should let Rickson know that he lost a fight in another realm, and is not impotent because of it.
 
I strongly urge everyone to click on this link: http://streetcombat.8m.com/update.html

I keep reading further and further down the page, and it just keeps getting better and better. Scott Baio is excommunicated from this guy's secret society, and Baio's master is punished for having poor judgement....turns out that men have and women both have overies, but men's overies are "invisible"....Wow.
 
Keep reading down the page... they have a link to the Sexual Kung-Fu Institute, "The ancient healing art of intimacy".
 
Wow in a perfect world I guess this guy would be King. Thankfully none of us are perfect. The true history of Martial Arts is a complete joke. I sincerely hope nobody ends up falling for this garbage but its just what I need for a damn good laugh.
 
They should consider working a flash gun into their routi- er, techniques. If their attackers are distracted by flicking motions, imagine how confounded they will be when fire shoots from their very fingers!
 

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