idiot sightings

[MA-Caver]

Ladies and Gentlmen,

It's stories like these that gave Bill Engvall his career. And yes true stories these 3 are as I share them with you.

In a book store at the counter paying for something what I can't recall when another customer comes up to the counter right from the front door never stopping to look anywhere and interrups my cashier to ask...

" Excuse me ... Where is the Self-Help section?"


I work in retail sales for furniture and bedding so I see a lot of dumfounded things every day. My favirtie is still this this date going to a customer to greet them and see what I can do to help them in there shopping.
#1
Me: "I see you are looking at X item. May I be of assistance?"

Customer: "Yeah Do you know if anyone is working here?"

#2
Me: "How are you doing today mam/sir?"
Customer: " No thanks, I'm just looking."
(I am still stunned by this)

#3
Me: "We accept X credit cards and checks as well as cash. How will you be paying today?"
Customer: " Do take checks?"


Proof that the only thing we hear is the last thing said to us.

David Gunzburg

I think that is an ingrained psychological response to the barrage of sales people in retail that try to assist us every time we walk into their doors. We've become so used to their typical sales tactics of approach-introduce-query-and pitch that we basically can do the job ourselves. So when a salesperson walks up to us (usually with a big --fake--smile) we already know how the game is played and thus go straight to the end game.

Kinda sad when you think about it. Almost as if no imagination for something new. Sales is sales is sales; object: to get as much money out of you before you walk out the door.

 

[Croxley]

In the years before cellphones I used to carry a pager. One day I was out most of the day, and ended up at my 4pm appointment. As I walked in, the guy I was to see was on his way out. He explained he had an urgent visit to one of his clients, but had phoned and asked my secretary to try to get hold of me to save me the wasted trip.

So next morning I asked her to confirm that the guy had phoned her- "Yes" she replied. "So why didn't you page me to tell me he was called out?", I asked. "I couldn't", she said- "I didn't know where you were."

 

[Jaymeister]

In the years before cellphones I used to carry a pager. One day I was out most of the day, and ended up at my 4pm appointment. As I walked in, the guy I was to see was on his way out. He explained he had an urgent visit to one of his clients, but had phoned and asked my secretary to try to get hold of me to save me the wasted trip.

So next morning I asked her to confirm that the guy had phoned her- "Yes" she replied. "So why didn't you page me to tell me he was called out?", I asked. "I couldn't", she said- "I didn't know where you were."

How long before you fired her?

 

[MA-Caver]

How long before you fired her?

No, you don't fire someone for being that blonde. But you do sit down and explain the concept of pagers in a patronizing manner so she (or whomever) will get the message that DUH! That's what pagers are for.


Sigh, perhaps dealing with the stupid people in life is a way to make us realize that our parents were correct in saying "get good grades, stay in skool". :uhyeah:

 

[The Kai]

My Sensei used to work with repair of office copiers and such. Got a call one day that a Fax was busted (a few years back). He showed up ran a couple of tests everything seemed to be fine. When asked what the problem was trhe secretary patiently loaded the copy into the fax, dialed the number, waited....and somewhat smugly open the cover and seais "See, it has'nt gone anywhere!"

 

[c2kenpo]

I think that is an ingrained psychological response to the barrage of sales people in retail that try to assist us every time we walk into their doors. We've become so used to their typical sales tactics of approach-introduce-query-and pitch that we basically can do the job ourselves. So when a salesperson walks up to us (usually with a big --fake--smile) we already know how the game is played and thus go straight to the end game.

Kinda sad when you think about it. Almost as if no imagination for something new. Sales is sales is sales; object: to get as much money out of you before you walk out the door.

MAC first this was for humors sake but obviously you have had
a large amount bad experiences in shopping. Believe me I have worked in retail for over 15 years and sometimes a simple "Hello! How are you?" is just that.. a polite greeting. I use the same thing when I GO shopping, I ask my salesperson how they are doing and I actually inform then my true purpose for being out in there establishment, i.e my wife looking for something and I'm just wandering while I wait for her to finish, however a pleasant converstaion can be struck up and things can be learned fromt he expereince including WOULD I BUY somthing from them.
However I digress we could have a lovely thread regarding the sublteys of retial sales associates but remember humor is just humor.

David Gunzburg

 

[Croxley]

No, you don't fire someone for being that blonde. But you do sit down and explain the concept of pagers in a patronizing manner so she (or whomever) will get the message that DUH! That's what pagers are for.

:uhyeah:

She was blonde, as it happens!

I thought if I got too involved in an explanation, it would take all day and serve no purpose, so I just said "Ok, look, next time you need to get me a message, just page me, even if you don't know where I am."

 

[kid]

I didn't know if your pager was with you or, on for that matter.



kid

 

[The Kai]

Allright how's this for idiot sightings
When my dad died, I was going through his house getting stuff in order. Sitting next to the VCR was a tape he had rented from a local company. At this point the tape was, like 3 weeks overdue. I drove over to the store returned the tape in person and explained the situation. The girl behing the counter said "Well there is a late fee of $xx.xx, how will you pay it?" To which I replied "Well, I'm not" She looked at me and said "Well you know that will affect his credit here" "Sowhat does that mean" I asked. The reply "Your father will not be able to rent out any videos here".

I said that Okay, well cuz I don't think he will be renting any more"

 

[shesulsa]

When my father passed, my mother was in hysterics. I went with her to various financial institutions with the certified copies of the death certificates to do the needed business.

We sat down at one S & L and told the lady what we needed to do. She asked for proof of death, whereupon we provided the certified document. She looked at it and said, "What else do you have?"

Mom and I looked at each other stunned. "What else do you need?"

I almost threw up when she said, "Do you have the body with you?"

Seriously.

She called her supervisor over to ask, "Don't we have a policy of verifying the identity of the dead body to the name on the death certificate?"

He looked at her and replied, "No, that's what a death certificate is for."

Yes, she was blonde.

 

[oldnewbie]

Oh..Oh.. I got one....!!!

I'm the pseudo computer guy for my company, and I got a call from a girl in our Orlando office, (I'm in Tampa)

She said her pc was dead, won't boot, the monitors okay, etc.

So we went through a few steps...over the phone

1. Everything plugged in? Yes
2. let's check all the cables... Everything's connected..
3. okay let's get under the desk... all wiring connected....yes

Okay.. I guess it's shot... arranged to get a new PC purchased, installl all the pertintent software, etc.. approx 4 hrs work.
Drive to Orlando... 1-1/2 hrs.

Arrive at the office, unload the equipment, start to remove her stuff, and low and behold, under her desk I see the power cord is half out of the wall.

I push it in and the PC starts to power-up... everything is fine.

I said.. I asked if everything was plugged in???? Her reply?







You did not tell me to look at the wall....................................:idunno:

 

[Shodan]

While driving down the road the other day, I had to swerve around a lady who was sitting in the turning lane with the nose of her car in my lane cuz she'd pulled in from a side street......she looks at me as I pass and starts yelling and waving her hands in the air like it was MY fault........sheesh!!

Similarly, while with a friend a few years back, a person ran a stop sign and almost plowed into the car I was riding in......We got flipped off as though it was, yet again, OUR fault.

:idunno:

 

[KenpoTex]

Here's one that my little brother said about 6 years ago (in his defense, he was only about 10 at the time).
I was perusing a gun catalog that came in the mail one day when he walked up and started looking over my shoulder. I was looking at some shotguns that come from the factory with a camoflage paint-job. After looking for a moment he said, "I wouldn't want one of those." I asked him why not, to which he responded: "Because if you ever set it on the ground, you wouldn't be able to find it again." Being the sensitive, mature big brother that I am, I naturally teased him mercilessly for a few minutes.

---and then, the sequel---
About a year ago, we were out hunting and I happened to be wearing camo-BDU's. I was just sitting there thinking about nothing in particular when the inspriation struck me. I started freaking out and acting like I was about to die. He of course got all concerned thinking that I might have gotten bitten by a snake or something. When he and my dad asked what the problem was I calmly informed them that when I was sitting there on the ground, I happened to look down and couldn't see my legs...If hateful looks could kill I'd have been dead.

 

[Shaolinwind]

Idiot Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

Idiot Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving!"

Idiot Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often," Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Idiot Sighting #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Idiot Sighting #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side..."



Anyone want to add on to this growing list?



kid

I did witness a 30 year old man point at a water tower and ask in earnest what it was for.. Shivers.

 

[Shaolinwind]

Ladies and Gentlmen,

It's stories like these that gave Bill Engvall his career. And yes true stories these 3 are as I share them with you.

In a book store at the counter paying for something what I can't recall when another customer comes up to the counter right from the front door never stopping to look anywhere and interrups my cashier to ask...

" Excuse me ... Where is the Self-Help section?"


I work in retail sales for furniture and bedding so I see a lot of dumfounded things every day. My favirtie is still this this date going to a customer to greet them and see what I can do to help them in there shopping.
#1
Me: "I see you are looking at X item. May I be of assistance?"

Customer: "Yeah Do you know if anyone is working here?"

#2
Me: "How are you doing today mam/sir?"
Customer: " No thanks, I'm just looking."
(I am still stunned by this)

#3
Me: "We accept X credit cards and checks as well as cash. How will you be paying today?"
Customer: " Do take checks?"


Proof that the only thing we hear is the last thing said to us.

David Gunzburg

Many many great stories like that on this page http://www.clientcopia.com/top.php .

 

[Simon Curran]

Here in Denmark, most of our electricity is generated by wind power.

A couple of years ago my sister was visiting us from the UK. Sitting on a bus, we passed a few of the windmills.
My older sister, who is actually studying to be a teacher asked me whether or not the windmills have an electric motor to start them when there isn't any wind...
The future does not look bright for her prospective pupils...

 

[c2kenpo]

*LOL* Yah I forgot aboutthat website *L* thanks!

 

[Rynocerous]

Here's a few computer orientated ones for you!!!

Computer Challenged?

IF YOU THINK YOU'RE DUMB ABOUT COMPUTERS, READ THIS, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

Take heart, anyone among you who believes he or she is technologically challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin" yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

Cheers,

Rynocerous

 

[Shu2jack]

Here's a few computer orientated ones for you!!!

Computer Challenged?

IF YOU THINK YOU'RE DUMB ABOUT COMPUTERS, READ THIS, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

Take heart, anyone among you who believes he or she is technologically challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin" yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:.......

And people wondered why I always looked so depressed and untalkitive during and after work. Customer service slowly eats away at your soul.

 

[MA-Caver]

This guy is about as stupid as you can get... video of cops arresting some guy not of this time zone. Check it out. :lol: